Flash forward, and you're still here
by Mary2175
Summary: The incident happened. But what if Juliet hadn't died? Sawyer – Juliet story. This is basically my version of what could have happened in season 6. Update: epilogue part 3. Now complete!
1. What the hell happened?

**This is basically going to be my version of what could (or should) have happened in season 6. And it obviously involves Juliet NOT dying. Please review!**

* * *

_How did they get from the established happy couple to this? How was it that something could go so terribly wrong?_

The fight happened during their walk to the beach. Juliet had given him the cold shoulder since regaining consciousness. That was two hours ago. Two hours to build up frustrations. Two hours of helping her, trying to talk to her, but getting nothing in return. He raised his voice, not knowing what else to do. She increased her pace in return.

"Don't you dare make this 'bout me when you are the one who wants out" Sawyer fumed, while trying to keep up with her. "Well. Newsflash for you. The bomb didn't work. It didn't fucking work."

He was screaming by now. Her silence drove him mad. Even a nasty comment would be welcome. She was walking in front of him and he continued throwing angry comments at her back. "You're the one ruinin' things here all by yourself. Don't need me to stare at anyone for that. Maybe I should just say I want her back, huh? Or sleep with her. I remember some fun times in a cage. Hell! Is that what ya wanna hear? Would give you the perfect excuse to leave, right Blondie? You can go tell everyone how right you were about me."

There was old Sawyer again. He knew this about himself but he couldn't help it. He was furious as hell.

Juliet froze at his words. She turned around and her right hand landed hard on his jaw. He reached for his cheek, looking at her with disbelief.

_My God she hits hard! _

She looked back at him, her eyes ice cold. "You do whatever you want James", her voice calm and low. "Go ahead and put the blame on me. Like you could ever do anything wrong." She turned back and continued walking towards the beach, away from him.

* * *

_What had happened?_

No feelings, just darkness. _Am I dead?_ was Sawyer's first thought. Then … terrible headache. Terrible 'someone's trying to dig a hole into your brain' type of headache. His left shoulder was hurting like hell. His left hand felt like it had been squashed under a rock. He tried to move and opened his eyes. So bright! No sound, silence.

_Where am I? _

He touched the earth around him: dust, leaves, and some rocks. Close to him there was a body, face down. _Miles! _He tried to get up but his head was spinning. He crawled over to Miles best he could and tried to turn him over. He was breathing. Unconscious, but definitely breathing.

He looked around, there was no one else. What had happened? Where was he? He managed to stand and supported himself with one hand against a tree.

Then it hit him. _Juliet! _Flashes of her hanging down the hatch-to-be filled his mind and he felt his stomach turning.

_Where is she? Where the hell is she?_

His brain couldn't even comprehend the possibility that she was dead. Did she fall? Did she let go?

Then there was a voice, screaming, calling his name. The Doc.

_Why is that son of a bitch still alive? _

Sawyer didn't give himself time to think why he'd gone back to hating Jack so quickly. Instead he tried to move towards the sound of Jack's voice, his legs protesting.

Before he saw Jack, his eyes found _her_. There was a pink shirt, blonde hair, and the color of blood. His heart started racing and he gasped for air. He attempted to run but instead stumbled through the grass only to fall down hard on his knees next to her.

"Juliet!" He framed her face with his hands, repeating her name. She was lying on her back, motionless. Metallic chains seemed glued to her waist, creating a bloody mess. The loose end of the metal cords seemed to have been torn of (of what?) with brute force.

He heard Jack's voice in his right ear, but couldn't make out the words.

"Is she?" He feared the answer.

Jack replied, in his steady and firm doctor's voice. She was breathing but they had to remove the chains fast so he could stop the bleeding. Jack turned to him and grabbed both his shoulders, forcing Sawyer to look at him, repeating what he had just said.

* * *

Looking back, the chain of events that followed after the explosion felt like a big blurry roller coaster ride.

The first hour after the blast had been one of chaos. Everyone was thrown into different directions. Slowly their little group came together. Everyone from the 70s was gone. For some reason one of the hippy vans had remained. Jin searched the toolbox in the back of the van and found something to cut the chains with, as well as a first aid kit. Sawyer paced the scene frantically, completely unable to focus on anything. He was panicking. They moved Juliet into the van, and Jack ordered everyone out except Jin, who seemed calm and clear headed.

There was no room for Sayid, even though he probably was in far worse shape. Jack wasn't thinking logically either, despite his calm exterior. They worked on her for a good twenty minutes. Kate tried to calm James down gently, but only got "this is _his_ fault!" snapped back at her (wasn't everything Jack's fault anyway?).

Miles was feeling nauseous and irritated and yelled "LaFleur, just sit your ass down!" That did the trick.

* * *

When Juliet woke, James was there. When she tried to sit, he supported her. A cutting pain below her ribs took her breath away, but she managed to keep a straight face. When she was able to get out of the van and walk a few steps, James was holding her arm to keep her stable and steady. He seemed all loving and caring. She looked up and stared into Kate's eyes. Kate flashed a weak smile at her.

She felt confused. What happened? Why were they still on the island? The big plan seemed to have gone terribly wrong somewhere. Her initial relief to be alive and her happiness to see James faded.

_We're not supposed to be here. _

She felt uncomfortable around him. The contrast between his behavior now and before the blast was just too big. Something was off. She felt tears coming.

* * *

Hurley had been the first to put two and two together. And Miles had been the one suggesting they'd all go back to the beach to check on their camp. Jin and Jack had volunteered to carry Sayid. Under different circumstances James would have made fun of his friend for copying his old plan, the one Miles had so clearly disagreed with three years ago. But not today. Juliet was looking pale and cold as ice. His worry had been replaced by frustration. She didn't seem to want his help, or his company. And as she walked away from him without a word, following the rest of the group, anger took over his actions.

* * *

_Back to now…_

Her head was spinning. That was that then: the end of the fairy tale. Never had they fought in public before. Not that they never fought. They had, many times. Some had been bad. But never like this. And never with other people there to see (and hear!). Yes they had quarreled sometimes in front of Miles or Jin. Once at Amy and Horace's too. But fighting? That was only done in the privacy of their own home. Outside, they always had each other's back. Always.

She started walking faster, ignoring the cuts and bruises around her waist and ankles. She needed space, away from him. Tears were welling up again and she did not want anyone to see her cry.

James just stood there, watching her leave. He didn't know what to do. He immediately regretted his harsh words, but CHRIST he was so pissed. He was a man, he noticed other women. God, even during their Dharma times (was it only this morning that they were still in the 70s?) he sometimes glanced elsewhere. Why ignoring female beauty when it was right there in his face? But never EVER had he considered moving beyond looking. He never wanted to. What he wanted was sleeping next to him every night. And yeah, seeing Kate was a shock. She looked as good as he remembered, smelled as good as he remembered. But how the hell was her being here his fault? Did he ask for it? No. Was he comfortable with it? Hell no. It had felt like moving back in time, to the days when he was the conman, the smooth talker, the asshole basically. He didn't want to go to that place; he had worked so hard to get away from it. He wanted to move forward. And there was no Kate in his future.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Jin. "Come on Jim, let's just get to the beach." He sighed; then shook his head in agreement.

_Fine, let's just get to the beach. See if our freakin' fantastic beach camp has magically re-appeared. _

There was no telling what year they had landed in this time. The hatch looked like it had in 2004: blown to pieces. But he didn't dare think about the possibility that they might actually be back in their own time zone: 2007.

**To be continued!**


	2. Back to when?

Their old beach camp was still there, even though it looked a lot worse from the last time they'd seen it. But still, this was good news! At least they hadn't landed 20 years (or 100 years for that matter) after the plane crash, since some parts of the camp were still intact. The tents were damaged from the rain and wind, but most materials were still there. The kitchen had collapsed on the left side, but nothing they couldn't fix. Their little group split up, examining different parts of their camp.

"Guys!" it was Hurley. He was standing next to a fire pit. It looked like it had recently been used. People had obviously been using their camp. After walking around they found more signs of recent life: a latrine (or something that looked like it), leftover food, empty water bottles. Kate grabbed one of them and stared at the logo: Ajira. These must have come from their flight. The plane must have crashed here somewhere. And there were obviously survivors. She walked over to Jack and whispered something in his ear. He nodded. They needed to get everyone together later that day to talk. They had to assemble a group to look for survivors. They had to find the plane itself. But he couldn't think of such things now. Now he was sitting next to Sayid. He stared at the Iraqi's face in silence, while inwardly cursing himself for not being able to do more.

Kate walked over to Sawyer, who was leaning against a kitchen pole with his eyes pointed at Juliet's back (she was talking with Jin). He listened to what she had to say; he didn't want to give her the silent treatment just because things with Juliet were so screwed now. He was tired of picking fights. But he sure as hell hoped she would go away soon and leave him to himself. He wanted as little as possible to do with Kate or the Doc or even Hurley (hell, with all of them who 'came back' to screw up his life). The Doc pushed too many wrong buttons. Hurley was still an over sized dumb ass. The Iraqi was as good as dead. And Kate… he tried not to think of that name. But he did hear her words. If the plane had crashed here, Sun might be out there somewhere. He needed to talk to Jin about this before anyone else did. He didn't want him heading into the jungle on his own like he had last time.

* * *

Juliet stared at the ocean, knees up under her chin and arms folded around her legs. She heard footsteps behind her and felt brief relief, hoping it was James. She regretted their argument. It couldn't end like this could it?

She looked back. It was Jin, holding out a mango as a gift. She tried to smile.

"Want some company?" he asked. He didn't wait for an answer and sat down next to her. They both remained silent for a while. Silence with Jin had never been uncomfortable. Their friendship sort of started out that way since they hadn't been able to actually talk much because of the language barrier. When Jin's English improved, conversations became more frequent, but sitting together in silence was still a thing they both enjoyed.

After some minutes Jin spoke. "Is this about Kate?" She turned her head quickly to look at him only to turn back facing the ocean again. She didn't answer.

Jin continued. "You know he would always be faithful to you right?"

She sighed and looked at him again. "That's not the point Jin."

"Isn't it?" He looked at her, eyebrows raised a bit. "Listen, I have a very simple idea of love. It is either there or it's not." He paused. "When I found out Sun had slept with another man I was devastated. But I also knew it was because of something I had neglected to give her. I'm not blaming myself for what she did, but it did help me to put things into perspective."

Juliet looked away. "Why are you bringing this up Jin?"

"I just want to say…" He was looking for the right words. "It is very hard to find two people together who never look at someone else. It just … happens. And things can be worked out, even when it seems impossible. I love Sun. That was enough. That is enough."

_Not for us._

"It wasn't easy, but easy is not the point of marriage" Jin continued.

"We're not married Jin."

Jin nodded, remembering the conversations he had with Sawyer about proposing, that day he so proudly came to show Jin and Miles the ring he got for her from the main land.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts." He got up, briefly touching her shoulder.

* * *

Sawyer had watched the entire Juliet – Jin conversation from a distance. He had sat down after Kate left, leaning against that same kitchen pole. This might become his new hang out spot, he thought. He could overlook the entire camp from here, he could see her every move. He didn't hear Miles walking up behind him.

"How long are you two gonna keep this up?" Miles looked at James, who kept quiet. "Come on man, just talk to her." He sat down next to his friend.

"There ain't nothing to talk about." James crossed his arms and shifted a bit. His back was sore and his left shoulder still hurt.

"Bull, you just don't want to make the first move." James looked at him, annoyed. "For whatever childish reason", Miles continued, studying his own hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Mind your own business Enos."

Miles breathed in and opened his mouth, wanting to say that this was his business. That they were his friends and seeing them like this sucked. "Jim, I…"

"Back the fuck off ok?" James snapped at him. He got up and walked towards the ocean. Juliet had left her spot and was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Evening came and most of them were sitting around the camp fire. Jin had gone to bed right after diner. He wanted to be alone. The meeting had taken place and he knew about the plane. And yeah, he had been ready to leave and start searching for Sun immediately. But it was getting dark and he knew it would be a stupid idea. He wanted to find her, but he needed help from the others. A team of people would head of the next day to look for the plane and its survivors. He had been the first to volunteer.

James had missed the entire meeting. He had spoken to Jin prior and had been sitting on the beach since diner time, keeping as far away from Kate as possible. Any accidental glance could make this worse. He had fixed his old tent and made it as comfortable as possible for two people to sleep in. She would still sleep next to him, right? They hadn't spoken a word since arriving at the beach a couple of hours ago and she had stayed far from him while he was working on the tent. He hadn't seen her fix her own space though.

He felt exhausted and turned around to try and catch her eye. She was staring at the fire, seemingly unaware of anyone around her. He started walking towards her. Jack looked at him, Kate looked him. He didn't look back.

"La Fleur, glad you could join us." Miles was the only one who was never intimidated by his moods. He could have steam coming out of his ears, Miles couldn't care less. That's what he loved about his friend.

"You can drop the name Enos, those days are gone." He was right behind Juliet now.

"I'm off to bed."

She turned her head.

"You comin'?"

She swallowed and he noticed a hint of surprise in her eyes. Then she turned back to the fire, whispering "goodnight guys".

He helped her up. She let go of his hand as soon as she was standing. It annoyed him, but he didn't say a word and just followed her to the tent.

Inside, tension was obvious. She felt miserable and nervous; he didn't know what to say to break the silence. She turned away from him to unbutton her jeans. He took of his jeans and shirt and maneuvered himself onto the improvised bed. Man, he missed his Dharma house! This was highly uncomfortable, especially with the bruises from the blast. He wanted soft comfy mattresses, clean sheets, a shower, a proper roof over his head, and a girlfriend who would talk to him. Juliet took of her bra but kept her shirt on. He couldn't see her facial expression; it was too dark in the tent. They lay next to each other for a while staring at an imaginary ceiling.

James shook off his discomfort and broke the silence. "Can we please talk about this tomorrow?" She nodded (which he couldn't see). "Jules?"

"Yeah" she whispered, her voice slightly trembling.

This sucked. He was tired, pissed off, and yet he wanted nothing more than to just hold her and tell her he loved her. But the words wouldn't come. It was like his lips were sealed and the words locked away.

"How are the cuts?" he asked instead. "Does it hurt?" (are you in pain, baby?).

"Yes it hurts."

He turned towards her, cursing the lack of light. _Damn stupid tent, damn stupid beach, damn fuckin' stupid island._ He wanted to touch her face and moved his hand in her direction. With lack of proper orientation it landed on her nose. He moved it to her cheek. It was wet with tears. She sniffed lightly. He tried to turn her face so he could kiss her, but instead she turned away.

Then he said it: "I love you." It came out as a whisper. _I love you, I love you, I love you_. In response she took his left hand, the one that had been on her face, and held it tightly. He tried to roll her over so he could move behind her: spooning was the way they usually slept. She resisted his light push. "I can't lie on my side James."

_Damn cuts, damn H bomb, fuckin' asshole Jack._ His head was making overtime blaming whatever he could blame for their lousy situation right now. She lifted her head to rest it on his right arm while pulling his left arm gently over her stomach. He cleared his throat and pushed his nose into her hair. The sweet smell of sweat mixed with a hint of Dharma shampoo from that morning calmed him down. He could feel her heart beat.

Juliet was the first to fall asleep and even though things were far from OK between them, James relaxed to the sound of her breath. Right now, she was here, sleeping, in his arms. Tomorrow was still tomorrow.

**So far for chapter 2! To be continued**


	3. The M word

**I hate it when they're fighting. So maybe I'll put an end to it in this chapter :) Please review!**

* * *

Hurley woke everyone early the next day by singing a little too loud. Sawyer grumbled. What was there to be so cheery about? There was no time to think about ways to shut Hurley up though. Jin was right outside their tent asking him to come out quickly. "We need to go now. Are you coming?"

Sawyer pulled his shirt over his head and stretched his back. Sleeping like this made him feel like an old man. "You really need me Jin?" The sun was too bright, Hurley too noisy and he just wanted to get back inside for some more sleep. Instead he and Jin walked over to the rest of the group.

Kate, Jack and Jin had volunteered to go. Jack had been reluctant to leave Sayid, but that was guilt creeping in and he knew it. He also knew there was nothing he could do at this point. Besides, Juliet was there. She was a doctor too.

Jack asked Sawyer to come, but James simply replied with a "No thanks doc", and that was that. Jin gave him an understanding look.

Kate was surprised though and she raised her eyebrows at him.

"Jin knows the island like the back of his hand. You don't need me, Kate."

"Wise man La Fleur." It was Miles. "I'm not hunting bore all by myself. So I actually DO need you."

_Thanks Miles. _Discussion closed. James would stay here with the rest of them, fixing the camp, gathering some food.

The group took off, not knowing whether they would make it back before dark or just camp out in the jungle. Juliet was up as well now. She whispered _good luck _to Jin and tried to smile. He mimicked _you too _back at her, then waved.

* * *

The day passed slowly for the people back at the camp. Sayid was inside Jack's tent. The bleeding had stopped but he hadn't regained consciousness. Would he ever? Miles forced Sawyer to go out looking for food. Juliet and Hurley started fixing the kitchen. They didn't speak much. Hurley still thought she was weird, and well, a bit spooky. Sawyer seemed to really like her though, which was even weirder.

At midday when the sun was boiling hot, they paused. There was no sign from James or Miles. Juliet was tired and returned to the tent; she hadn't slept well at all. Inside it was cooler and she fell asleep within minutes.

* * *

Juliet woke up late afternoon. The sun had warmed up the tent by now and she needed to get some fresh air. She walked over to the kitchen, where Hurley and Miles were busy doing nothing. A dead bore was staring at her. The search party hadn't returned yet.

She greeted the two men and drank some water, her eyes searching the area for James.

"I saw him walking that way" Miles said, his head pointing to the left side of the beach.

"Thanks" she mumbled.

* * *

He was there, right around the corner, sitting close to the water, lost in thought. He looked tired; his back bent a bit as he was trying to massage his left shoulder. He didn't hear her coming.

"Hi" she greeted him, trying to keep her voice light. He turned his head and his look scared her. He was obviously back to being angry.

"Can I sit down?" She tried a smile.

"Sure" he grumbled and looked away.

This was going to be hard. She sat down on his left side, not knowing what to say, how to start. She had never been in a situation like this before: the best relationship of your life turning bad. Had she been wrong? Was this her fault? No. She wasn't blind. She wasn't going to be blind again.

His voice caught her by surprise, distracting her from her own thoughts.

"Remember that loose floorboard in our bedroom? The one you always asked me to fix and I never got around to?"

_What?_ "Yeah. What about it?"

"There's a reason I never fixed it." He turned to look at her. "I hid something there that I didn't want ya to know about."

She squeezed her eyes, looking at him.

"A little box. Some pictures of us are in it. Ya know..., with Miles and Jin from new years." He paused, digging away some sand with his hands. "There's also a ring in there. For you." He didn't look at her while talking.

_What is he talking about? Oh God… no. _Her mind was all of sudden producing a million thoughts.

He turned to face her. "Get it now? THAT is how I felt about us. Dumb ass me I guess for even thinking about the M word."

Silence. Juliet stared at the horizon trying to control the turmoil of thoughts and emotions his revelation had caused inside of her.

"Tell me this Juliet", he continued. "How is it that I'm thinking of proposing and you decide you want nothin' to do with me the minute something's off between us?"

That angry look again. He got to his feet and started walking away but turned after a couple of steps. "Do you love me?" he asked, staring down at her.

"Yes!" _How can you ever question that! _"Of course I love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

His face softened a bit. "Then why break it off Blondie. Why break it off at the first sign of trouble!"

"Why are you putting this all on me? You're not innocent here ok?" she shouted back at him in an attempt to defend herself. She tried to get up, the cuts around her waist making her face grim with pain. He walked towards her and grabbed her elbow to give her some support. "I came here to talk to you James. I want to work this out but if all you do is scream at me, then what's the point?"

"Well, I aint never been in a situation like this before so shoot me for not knowing what to do exactly!"

Great, now they were back to attack and defense. Juliet sighed. "Just…, don't walk away from me."

_Oh, look who's talking. _He wanted to snap back at her but swallowed the words.

"Please", she added.

"Fine. So now what? We sit back down?"

"Yeah, we sit back down."

He sighed. _Fucking great. _

It was silence between them once again, since none of them knew where to start, what to say. Juliet curled a stray of hair between her fingers. James slowly shook his head.

"I don't want Kate" he started. He had to clear that up. Make her realize once and for all.

"You already said that."

"What else can I say? I don't want her, I want you."

No response.

"What, you don't believe me?"

"I believe you believe it".

_What the hell did she mean by that?_

"Just be honest with me James."

"I AM for Christ's sake!" His frustration was growing again. _How the hell do people do that, be together for life. We can't even make it passed the first hurdle!_

To keep himself from making crude comments again he remained silent. He glanced at her and saw her face had turned cold. He would have to meet her somewhere where she could hear him, where she would believe him. But where the hell was that?

"I'm sorry if I hurt you" he tried, although it didn't sound very convincing. "I was … shocked when they all came back. I guess I wasn't expecting it anymore. It … brought back memories."

He had no idea if he was on the right track but she remained silent so he continued. "I didn't tell you that morning where I was goin' cause I wanted to see her without you there."

Wow, he'd said it. He was trying the honesty road. And it was either going to pay off or completely screw things up. He was getting nervous.

"Seeing her was … weird. Felt like going back in time". _Am I really using a time travel story here? I am pathetic. _"It was like going back to another lifetime".

He looked at her. Her face was still blank, eyes fixed on the horizon. "Come on, you know what I was like back then."

She shifted her head and looked at him, not saying a word.

_Damn it, I need to get this right. _"Seeing Kate..." He sighed. "... brought back memories of my old life. And it was like, like it was still there. Like it IS still there. Sawyer aint gone Jules, even though he's been dormant for a while."

He stayed silent, trying to think of what to say next. "Kate and I connected cause we were both outcasts, criminals if you like. We had both killed someone. And yeah, I had feelings for her. And yeah it was good seein' her. But it was also weird, like a ghost from the past."

Man, he wasn't getting to the point. "I was caught off guard ok? And it was stupid of me not to tell you right then and there that morning. And I know I looked at her. But …"

He couldn't go on. He couldn't tell her that it didn't mean anything to him that Kate was back. He couldn't lie. But he also knew that he would never ever consider leaving Juliet for Kate. His connection with Kate was one from the past.

"I'm sorry I hurt you" he half whispered. _I already said that… _"I guess I just don't know what to do when an ex girlfriend shows up out of the blue. I've never been here before … I'm so sorry Blondie." He turned to stroke her hair gently.

She sighed. At least he was being honest now. Honesty had been a key pillar in their relationship and it was essential if they were ever going to work this out. She wasn't happy with what he had said, but she remembered Jin's words from the day before very clearly. _I knew it was because of something I had neglected to give her._ Maybe her own paranoia had made things awkward for him. More awkward then they would have been if she been a bit more confident and relaxed about the whole situation.

"It's not just you James. I just …" Tears were stinging in her eyes and she had to wait a while to regain control of her voice again. "I'm just scared of you wanting someone else over me, especially her."

There, her heart out in the open. "It's my old pattern. Edmund was never really mine; Goodwin was never mine to begin with. You are the first one."

Her words felt like a relief to him. She was just scared, scared of losing what they had. And he knew that fear all too well. "I don't wanna go nowhere darlin'. I don't want you to go either. Cause this aint over by a long shot."

He grabbed her right hand and squeezed it a bit. She brought her other hand to her face and wiped away some tears. "I just don't know how to get rid of these old ghosts James."

"Hé, come here." He moved back a bit and placed one foot on each side of her, then pulled her towards him. She leaned back against his left knee. "You ain't the only one with old ghosts ya know. I know all too well they're damn hard to kill." He pushed her hair back behind her ear, then touched her chin to make her face him. "I love you."

"I love you too." She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

After a while he said "You up for walking to Dharma Ville tomorrow? I kinda wanna see if that ring is still there."

"Are you proposing?"

"Hell no. I aint proposin' right after a fight! You just have to be patient. Not to mention good", he grinned. She smiled. They were good, for now at least.

* * *

That night their search party still hadn't returned. Hurley had moved his stuff into Jack's tent for the night. He didn't want Sayid to be alone. His cheery mood was gone. The four of them shared a quiet meal around the fire and all went to bed early.

The atmosphere inside their tent was far from what it had been the night before. James wanted just one thing: her, naked. It had been only a couple of days since they last had sex, but there was something about making up after a fight. It had an extra edge to it that he just couldn't wait to explore. She knew what he wanted; she wanted the exact same thing. He was extremely gentle, and made sure not to touch her wounds too much. He kissed her neck gently and carefully removed her shirt and bra. She was sweating lightly and it turned him on immensely. He removed his own clothes while she was struggling to get her jeans of. She then put her hands at the sides of his face and kissed him deeply.

When she moved to sit on his lap, one leg on each side, it hit her. "James", she broke of the kiss and moved back.

"What?" he mumbled, pulling her back in for another kiss.

"We can't do this."

"Why not? No one will hear. We'll just be real quiet."

She pushed back again. "That's not it. I don't have birth control here." He looked at her with confusion. "It's at our house. Or, it was, back in the 70s."

_Oh fuck. _

"I can't risk getting pregnant. I wasn't sure if it would be risky back then, but I AM sure it means death here."

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! _He totally hadn't thought of that.

"I'm sorry" she sighed.

"Not really your fault darlin'. I should've thought about that." His hands moved from her shoulders down to rest on her thighs.

"Fuck!" he said it out loud this time.

"Not exactly" she replied, trying to be light about this.

He wasn't in the mood for jokes though and rested his forehead on her left shoulder. She stroked the back of his neck. "Maybe we can find something at the barracks tomorrow. Maybe there's still stuff there. We can look."

He lifted is head to look at her. The moon was shining brighter tonight and he could see her eyes.

"Ok. Guess we'll just have to be a little patient here then huh?"

"I guess so."

He knew they probably wouldn't find anything. And if so, it would be expired or damaged by the heat or the humidity or whatever. But he didn't want to ruin the moment any further and kept quiet. He massaged her thighs. …

"You want me to help you out another way?" she offered.

"No thanks" he replied, since the moment felt kind of ruined now. "I'd rather wait for the real thing." He smiled at her before moving in to kiss her again. "You want me to help YOU out another way?"

She smiled back at him. "I'll think I'll wait for the real thing too."


	4. Saying goodbye

**This chapter starts with a little Kate scene. It doesn't really fit any purpose other than that I love writing about a jealous Kate. More J&J later on in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

_A little Kate interlude_

Of course, she loved Jack. She had always loved Jack, there was no denying that. Even now, when their worlds seemed so far apart and his drive and actions frustrated her immensely. Kate was so tired of his tendency to rescue everything and everyone. Who was he to decide what was best for others? She was annoyed with herself for the way she reacted to him: angry, provocative.

So why had she followed him back to the island? Good question. No simple answer.

The world she had so carefully built for herself and Aaron (and Jack for a while too) had started to fall apart the day Ben's lawyers showed up on her doorstep. Was it her own fault? Had she been naïve? For three years she had convinced herself that it could work: that she could be Aaron's mum (the only mother he would ever know) and that she could be happy with Jack. For Christ's sake, she even said Yes when he proposed!

All of that seemed like another lifetime now. She was here, back at square one, back on the island.

Kate never came back to rescue anyone. She didn't come back because the other members of their little Oceanic group decided to do so. She had no heroic motivation. Yes, she wanted to find Claire. That wasn't a lie. A part of her wanted to make things right for Aaron. He deserved to know his real mother. But the decision to look for Claire was mainly made out of fear. They _had_ been living a lie, and now someone was on to them. When she realized it was Ben, she knew the game was over.

And there was James. Yes, she had thought of him a lot over the years. Befriending Cassidy did not help. And Clementine looked so much like him! But she had been with Jack, and she had no idea how Sawyer was doing. Was he ok, was he still alive?

And now he was here. My God, he looked good. My God, she had missed his voice. Three years vanished in an instant. It seemed like yesterday he had jumped of that chopper. Sawyer triggered things in her that she had almost forgotten: the thrill of danger, the excitement of living on the edge. She remembered what had connected her to him: they were both lost souls, outcasts of society, feeling less alone together.

What she hadn't expected was Juliet. She was baffled when she found out, though she masked it like a pro at the lunch table when Hurley spilled the beans. It was shocking enough to realize James was with someone, really with someone. But Juliet? Of all the women in the world? Hadn't he hated her?

"Kate?"

She shivered. "What?" Jack and Jin were standing next to her. Apparently she had stopped walking without noticing.

"You see any more tracks?" Jin looked at her anxiously.

"I… I'm not sure. The rain must have erased stuff. I can't tell… I'm sorry."

"Let's just move. Maybe we can pick up anything along the way. No point in hanging around here." Jack and his usual logic.

Jin nodded.

"Lead the way Jin." Jack tried a smile but failed miserably.

* * *

_Back at the camp_

There was no walk to Dharma Ville the next day. Sayid wasn't going to make it. Juliet knew, and had known it for days. But this morning she could feel death in the air, like she had so many times before on this island. She sat next to him on the ground, looking at him, sometimes stroking his face. It was weird: she had never really like Sayid. To her he was a man that had crossed certain boundaries a human being should never cross. The borders of civilization: the thin line between being human and being something totally different. Come to think of it though: hadn't she crossed some of those herself? Hadn't she killed and manipulated too?

Sawyer still wanted to go to the barracks. He was being weirdly cynical about the whole situation. "The guy's not even awake Blondie. He probably doesn't give a shit whether you're here or not." She raised her eyebrows at him. Going on a 'romantic' quest for a 30 year old engagement ring while a man was dying just seemed wrong. And to Hurley Sayid was a friend. He would need them to be here in case of anything. So she stayed.

* * *

Sayid died early afternoon. At the hottest time of day. They sat inside Jack's tent for a while. None of them spoke for a long time. Hurley cried quietly.

* * *

"Sooo… he was from Iraq?" Miles broke the silence that had been hanging in their camp for hours now. "Was he in the war or something?"

Hurley looked up. "Yeah dude. He was a bad ass." A smile followed. "You know he killed a couple of people to get me out of the loony bin. Then he got shot by some dude. And I had ketchup all over me. It looked like blood. And then someone took a picture of me with a gun and it was all over the news. We were like … wanted. But we managed to escape. I hid Sayid with my folks, then got him to Jack so he could fix him. Of course he got himself into trouble again as soon as he was back on his feet. But somehow, we all ended up on the plane anyway. After we crashed guess who landed himself in jail straight away? Then he shot Ben and…" Hurley was laughing out loud by now. "MAN he was a bad ass!"

Miles mouth had dropped. Juliet smiled. Sawyer was shaking his head. "Sounds like quite the ride Hugo."

"It was." Hurley looked at Sayid, his face turning serious again. "I'll miss you dude."

Late afternoon they moved Sayid out of Jack's tent. Hurley insisted on not burying him yet. He was hoping for their group to come back in time to say goodbye. But no one came back that evening.

* * *

Sawyer felt uneasy at the beach. The boredom, the lack of privacy, the lack of purpose of whatever kind. Funny that, last time he was here he couldn't have cared less about all that stuff.

Miles was staring at him with a look that says more than a thousand words.

"What?" Sawyer grumbled.

"Nothing man. Just, why are you pacing around like a nervous school boy whose mummy just caught him smoking weed?"

"I ain't nervous smart ass, just sick and tired of this place."

"Newsflash for you: you're not the only one."

Silence.

"We can always go hunting bore again."

"Brilliant idea, Einstein. Let's add another corps to our group. Soon, we'll be selling perfume in the tropics."

"James." Juliet looked at him and he knew he had to shut his mouth. _Fine._

He paced to the shore. He was moody and annoyed, and that wasn't going to go away.

_You guys want to play a bunch of optimists, go ahead. _

It was still early in the morning and he dreaded the day ahead. It wasn't that he wanted to head off on some jungle adventure. But he missed his job, his responsibilities, the freedom to just to decide to go out and PATROL or whatever it was he sent his men (and himself) out to do. Be out there, clear your head, and then – best of all – come home. He missed the coming home part. He missed the 'looking forward to coming home' part.

He heard Juliet approaching. She stopped next to him, not saying anything, and just stared out onto the ocean. After a few long minutes she asked dryly "Want to go to Dharma Ville now?"

He turned his head towards her.

"Just because I didn't want to go yesterday doesn't mean I don't want to go ever. Besides, I'm pretty sure that Sayid really doesn't care anymore if we hang around."

"You makin' fun of me Blondie?"

"I want you to lighten up. Let's go. Miles can keep Hurley company."

He grumbled again. "Whatever you say boss."

She sighed and started walking back to Miles. Then she turned around. "You coming or what?"

* * *

They walked slowly, partly because Juliet was still recovering (the cuts still hurt when moving around too much), partly because they were both thinking about what to expect. What would it be like to see their house? It was painful to know that Horace and Amy were no longer there. The people of the DI were all gone. It was nice to actually do something though, and Sawyer's crappy mood disappeared.

They arrived at the barracks just before nightfall. The place was deserted, like a ghost town. It was obvious no one had been living here recently. Juliet stayed right behind James. Being here made her feel uneasy. Sawyer tried not to pay too much attention to the scene around him. He walked straight to their house. It looked the same, yet not the same at all. Inside furniture had changed, and things were a mess. Different people had lived here since they left (which to them was only a few days ago).

He looked back at Juliet, who was standing in the doorway. _This is depressing._

"I need a minute in the bedroom."

She looked up at him, and flashed a weak smile. "Ok, I'll see if the bathroom has anything of use." _This is so depressing. _

He entered the bedroom, while Juliet searched the house for useful clothes, food and, of course, condoms or something else that could brighten up their sex life. He walked straight to the spot behind their bed. Removing the floor board was easy. His heart was beating fast.

The box was there… it was just there, like he'd placed it yesterday instead of thirty years ago. He carefully took it, wiped of the dust, and then took the lid off.

"James?" Juliet entered the bedroom. He turned to look at her. "Any luck?" She shook her head.

"Not yet. Did you find it?"

"Sure did. Dusty, but intact."

He took out some pictures. They were black and white and definitely looked 30 years old. But it was them: their tight little group of four. The first one showed them smiling, with beers in their hands and a sign saying 'Happy 1976' behind them. He quickly put the ring in his pocket; then held up the pictures. "You gotta see this. Hippy times at its best." She walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. She chuckled. "We look ridiculous" she said. "We look like the happy Brady Bunch."

He put the pictures back in the box, raised himself from the bed and held out his hand. "You want to go search some other houses? Being here is depressing."

She took his hand. "You're right, this place IS depressing" she replied, trying not to get emotional.

They entered Miles' and Jin's house next. Same experience. Too many memories. Too confronting to think of all their friends dead. Also too bizarre with the time travel issue thrown in their faces all over again, only from a different angle. Searching part of the village (with Juliet trying to remember where the 'younger' people lived during her 'others' time, thinking that might increase their chances of finding anything useful) they found some clothes, a few cans of food, but nothing that could serve as birth control.

_Just my luck!_ Sawyer thought, quickly correcting that in _just OUR luck! _They walked back to their house, not knowing a better (or 'less terrible') place to spent the next few hours of no daylight. They sat on the sofa for a while without saying much. When Juliet started to doze off Sawyer stroke her cheek gently. "Let's just sleep in our bedroom one last time, what'd ya say? Say goodbye properly."

Despite mixed emotions, they slept comfortable for a couple of hours (the blessing of a matras!). A little before sunrise they were up though, ready to get out of this place. They walked back slowly, resting frequently. Back at camp they showed Miles and Hurley the pictures and filled the rest of the evening telling DI tales to Hurley. Miles did not hold back imitating Phill and Horace. They laughed, which to all of them felt like a huge relief.

* * *

A little after sunrise Hurley's loud screaming woke up Sawyer, Juliet and Miles. Jack and Kate were back at the camp, Jack rubbing his ankle while Kate tried to take of his shoes.

_Where is Jin?_ Sawyer walked up to Jack. "What the hell happened? You guys 've been away for three days!"

Jack looked up, face grimaced with pain.

"We found them" Kate spoke.

"Found who?" James looked up. Another guy came out of the bushes. Who was that? Was that that chopper guy? What's his name?

Then Jin stepped onto the beach, followed by his wife.

**To be continued. Thanks for all the reviews so far!**


	5. Ben back in business

The air was full of excitement. Miles raised his hands in the air like he was thanking the gods. "What the hell man!" He had half a smile on his face, not believing Frank Lapidus just walked onto the beach.

Juliet hugged Sun tightly, like she was being reunited with an old friend (Jin had spoken so much about his wife. It was as if they had come to know her as well). The warm welcome made the Korean woman feel a bit uncomfortable but she smiled back, hugged back. Then Hurley 'grabbed' Sun, lifting her more than a foot of the ground, and her discomfort disappeared. Sawyer was just standing there, grinning at the scene in front of him.

After recovering from the initial shock of suddenly standing face to face with people they hadn't seen in years (or: had presumed to be dead mostly) everyone sat down. Kate came out with the story. They had followed a trail to the radio tower, then onwards into the direction of the Orchid. That's where they lost the trail. It had been raining inland and to the group's frustration (mostly Jin's though) there was absolutely no telling where the 'beach visitors' had moved to next. So, for 'logical' reasons, they walked on to Dharma Ville ('logic' came with a lot of assumptions, like 'the beach guests were in fact people who knew the island' and 'who knew the location of the barracks'). But logic proved to be right: they found more signs of life (fresh footprints in one of the barracks, a light switched on, and … a boat at the dock a little further down. Two boats, actually).

Kate looked at Sun, who continued with the story. She and Frank had heard them first: branches breaking, a door opening and closing. They hid best they could and kept quiet. Until they recognized Kate's voice, Jack's voice … Jin's voice. Sun stopped talking and looked at her husband, who squeezed her hand tightly. "You should have seen these two" Frank said. "She jumped up from where we were hiding and started to plough her way straight through the bushes. And he was just staring at her, too shocked to speak or move." He smiled. "Happiest reunion I've ever seen."

"Where did ya crash?" Sawyer asked.

"We didn't" Frank replied. "Or, well, we did… but the plane is still in one piece. Damaged of course, but still in one piece."

Silence…

"You … landed the plane?" Miles asked anxiously.

"Best I could. Turns out there's some sort of runway on the other island."

Juliet smiled. Sawyer nudged her shoulder. "Well, what do ya say! Guess who helped building that!"

Miles laughed out loud. "Man, if only we had beer right now."

"How's Sayid?" Jack broke off the storytelling and looked at Sawyer. He had been scanning the area while the rest shared their adventure. No sign of the Iraqi.

"He didn't make it…. Sorry Doc."

Jack hid his expression by looking down and rubbed his forehead. "Where is he?" he asked, while staring at the sand.

"Other end."

Jack looked up. Sawyer hinted towards the other side of the beach by lifting his head slightly. "We haven't buried him yet. Thought you guys might want to say goodbye."

Hurley lifted himself from the ground. "Maybe we should do that now. He needs to be buried guys. It's not good to leave him out here." Kate got up as well, walked over to Jack and held out her hand.

* * *

That evening they all shared a meal together.

"What do we do now?" Kate asked after a while. "Are we going to look for Ben?"

Juliet froze. _Ben_.

"What do you mean look for Ben?" James stared right at Kate.

"Ben made us all come back" Sun said.

"Ben's here?" he looked at Sun.

"He came on the plane", Frank sighed. "I don't know where he is right now. He followed us to the barracks but we lost sight of him after that."

_Ben is here. _Juliet could hardly make out the words coming from Frank's mouth.

"So that son of a bitch is still alive?" James needed to hear it again.

"Yes, and some other people that were on our plane," Sun replied before Frank could. "A few survived, but not many. They're still back on the other island I think."

"Ben came with ya all on the plane and none of you thought it might be nice letting us know?" Sawyer raised his voice now.

Kate looked up. "What does it matter James."

"What does it matter? You seriously ask me that question Kate?"

"James." Juliet put her hand on his knee. It was slightly trembling. "No more fighting please."

"We need to go see that plane." Jack was back in business, his right foot resting on a rock to keep it from swelling. "Ben is not important." He looked at Sawyer.

"Not important! The man's a freakin' lunatic! You have any idea what he's like? What he's capable of? He's…"

"I'm well aware of what Ben's capable of Sawyer." Jack interrupted. "I've had my fair share of Ben over the last couple of years. I think … most of us have."

James sighed with frustration but kept quiet. Miles suggested they'd all get some rest. They could make plans tomorrow. No one disagreed.

That night Juliet and Sawyer went to bed early. Juliet's hands had turned ice cold and James pushed her to the tent. Inside he just held her. She was shaking a bit and crying quietly. He didn't know what to say or do to comfort her and that sense of helplessness drove him mad.

* * *

_A couple of hours from the beach camp_

Ben was making progress. He had been sitting next to Alex' grave for a long time. When he got up to look for Sun and Frank once more, they were gone. Damn them. What had he ever done to them to just be left alone like this? He would find them for sure. The boats were still at the dock, so they hadn't returned to the other island. He would try the beach. Sun was searching for Jin, and the beach would make a logical place to look. Yes, the beach was the best option.

He was obsessed with the disappearance of Kate, Jack, Sayid and Hurley. They had just 'vanished' from the plane, like ghosts. Where had they gone too? Another time zone? Was everything he had heard true then? He knew the stories about 'the wheel' and had been fascinated by them since he was a teenager. But he had never been able to test the validity of those stories. Until that day. That day he and John Locke had gone down the Orchid. John had been completely unaware of what he was about to witness. He himself had been excited like a little schoolboy. Adrenaline had been pumping through his veins when he had turned the wheel. He would save the island. He was destined to save the island. He would not let it down.

* * *

_At camp_

Juliet was examining Jack's ankle. He hated other people 'playing doctor' to him, but she had offered to have a look and he didn't want to be rude. She gently pressed the different sides of his ankle and moved it slowly. He bit his lower lip.

"That hurts huh?"

He nodded.

She wrapped a piece of cloth tightly around his ankle and foot and smiled at him. "All done." She put his foot back on the branch so it was slightly elevated.

"I'm sorry." Jack felt the need to apologize.

"For what?"

He shook his head and turned his head towards the ground. "For a lot of things. For not telling you about Ben. For not helping you operate on him… If I had helped you… things might have been different."

"It's ok Jack. I don't think you could have done things differently."

He looked up.

"I kind of like Daniel's theory" she continued. "Whatever happened happened. It takes away some of the heavy stuff. We think we can choose. But maybe we can't."

"You really believe that?"

She rubbed her hands together. "I don't know. Sometimes I just want to believe it I guess. It makes things less meaningless. I mean … why did Daniel die? Why am I here? Why did you all come back? If it's because things are _meant _to happen… I guess the idea of a big masterplan can be comforting, that's all."

"So I guess you and Sawyer are part of that big masterplan as well huh?"

She looked at him, slightly surprised at his comment.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry." He shook his head.

She didn't respond but turned her head to look at James who was sitting in front of their tent reading a book they'd found at the barracks the other day.

* * *

They were all sitting together around the fire. He could see them from a distance. Jack, Kate, Sun, Hurley and … Ben held his breath. The queen of both his dreams and nightmares was sitting right there. Juliet.

He froze as a sudden flow of memories washed over him. He hadn't seen her in three years. But these memories were much older. Much, much older. _Juliet smiling at him as he walked to the school building. Juliet's eyes in his back when he was sitting alone near the playground. Juliet hovering over him when he was lying on the operating table. _

Ben took a few steps back. Sweat was creeping out of his pores and he felt dizzy. He kept walking back, arms reaching out for anything to hold on to, to lean on. He found a branch and lowered himself.

_Oh God._

She had been there! She had been there when he was still a child. It had to be her. The resemblance was too much. Or was he mixing up different memories now?

He closed his eyes and tried to even his breath. If this was really what happened, why had he never made this connection in his brain before? He had always remembered the beautiful blonde woman. A little distant in her ways, but with very kind eyes. Could it be? Was she still on the island when he turned the wheel? She must have been. His brain was working frantically to solve this puzzle and the only way to do it was to believe that that's how the island shifted: to the 70s, to his childhood years here with his father.

_I have to get myself together. _

He opened his eyes and got up. He had to look at her again. Approaching the beach he searched the group of people sitting next to the fire. Yes, it was her.

* * *

Frank was explaining the state of the plane as far as he could remember. He wanted to head back to the other island to examine it more closely. Everyone agreed. There was no telling if it was still operational. Besides, even if it was, they would probably lack fuel to get off altogether. But miracles were not unlikely here. Landing the plane had been one for starters.

James rubbed Juliet's lower back. She seemed calmer and he was glad the news of Ben being here did not make her retreat back inwards. It was weird to notice that even though he loved her like crazy, there were still things about her that he deal with very well. He turned his attention back to the conversation and looked up. And that's when he saw him.

"That son of a bitch… Jack!" he said, not taking his eyes of Ben, who was standing about 15 feet away from them. Jack turned and tried to get up. Everyone followed Sawyer's gaze into the direction of Ben.

* * *

Ben gathered himself and firmly started walking towards the group. There was no need to be nervous. He had a higher goal. Higher than any of them.

"Hello Sun, Frank. I was wondering where you had disappeared to." He pressed his lips together in a smile. " I never thought you would just take off without saying goodbye." He turned to the others. "Jack, Kate." His eyes briefly stopped at Hurley, who looked like he'd just seen a ghost. Then he continued following the circle, until he met her eyes. "Hi Juliet. It's been a long time. I am thrilled to see you're ok."

She didn't speak. Instead she just stared at him. He recognized that icey-cold glare.

"What do you want Ben?" Sawyer's voice.

Ben looked at him. "Hello James… my apologies. I have never thanked you for your help…. I was just thinking about all these wonderful people who saved my life when I was a boy. And I remember you were one of them. I'd thought I'd stop by and thank you properly."

Sawyer squeezed his eyes and pressed his hand firmer against Juliet's back. Everything about this man was creepy. His voice, his calm manner of speaking, the words that came out of his mouth. People like Ben had no conscience. _That's the most dangerous kind. The man's a psycho. He either fakes it or he's so screwed he doesn't even realize._

"What do you want Ben?" Jack's voice.

"I want to help you find a way to escape the island."

Jack shook his head, almost laughing now. "Really? First you tell us we all _have _to get back. And now you want us to get off? Kind of hard to believe."

"Maybe you've already done the thing you came back here for Jack. It's up to you whether you believe me or not. But let me tell you, you cannot get off this island without my help. Your choice." He paused for a second. "Why don't you discuss it. I'll be over there." He pointed to the end of the beach and started walking away from them.

When he was outside of hearing range, Sawyer looked at Jack. "You know we can't trust him Doc." Jack kept silent.

Miles rubbed his knees as if he was nervous. "He's a creepy psycho dude. We can go to that plane ourselves. Besides, seems like the majority here freaks out just by seeing him." He looked at Juliet, Hurley.

"Well what do you suggest we do then? He is here. It's not like we can send him away?" Jin said.

"Why the hell not? Send him away, kick his ass, whatever! I don't give a shit. I just don't want him around her." Sawyer raised his voice.

They argued for a while. Eventually Jack proposed that a few of them would keep watch, just to make sure Ben wouldn't move. They would decide on what to do in the morning. "Fine!" Sawyer stated. "Just keep him the hell away from my tent."

Kate looked at Juliet, who was just staring into space, seemingly unaware of the things around her.


	6. Don't play hero

**Thank you for all your reviews! They make my day. This is the 'beach chapter'. Adventures of the group heading out to Hydra island will follow. This story is getting a lot longer (and a lot more complicated) than I thought ;)**

* * *

Sawyer woke up early the next day. The sun was only just rising. He turned to look at Juliet. She was lying flat on her back, eyes wide open. "Good morning" he whispered. She turned to look at him, her skin pale, her eyes tired. He could tell she had hardly slept. "Good morning." She turned her head back, eyes fixed on the roof of the tent.

"Baby" He touched her chin with his right hand, forcing her to look at him again. "You ok?"

"I'm fine." She opened her mouth to speak some more, but decided against it. Sawyer moved closer so he could kiss her. Her lips were cold and she hardly kissed him back. She was obviously not fine.

"We'll take care of him. I.. I'll take care of him, don't worry."

"I don't want you to. He is here. He was always supposed to be here. Whatever happened, happened."

James frowned. "What ya talking about?"

"Daniels theory. If Ben is here it's because he was supposed to."

"That's horseshit. You sound like Jack now."

She turned to face him again and, damn… that look again. No emotions, no tears, no anger. Nothing.

She took his hand and removed it from her cheek, then sat up straight. She dressed herself quietly and left the tent.

He kept staring at their tent entrance for a while. _Shit shit shit. Don't go there Blondie. _That look she just gave him belonged to the 'old' Juliet. The one he had hated long ago. In the past three years he had learnt the reasons for it and where it came from. He could understand it but it still upset him. _Damn it. _He rushed to put on his jeans and followed her outside.

* * *

"Hello Ben." He looked up, surprised to see Juliet standing next to him. She looked calm and steady.

"Juliet."

"I hope you slept well. It will be a long journey to the other island."

"I slept fine thank you. It's nice to be back."

Juliet shifted her head. "Why are you back, Ben?" She stared at him, not blinking once.

"Isn't that obvious?"

"Enlighten me."

He stared back at her. "All right. Have a seat."

"I'd rather stand."

Ben looked at her. He didn't see anything left from the shock he'd seen on her face yesterday. She seemed calm and confident.

"I came back to help Jack."

"Help Jack do what exactly?"

"He wasn't really explicit on that. You are more likely to have the answer to that question than I do. You know Jack was very confused off island. He was drinking. He…"

Juliet cut him short. "I'm not interested in what Jack did off the island. I am interested in what you are doing here. Right now, on this beach."

Ben turned his head to see if anyone was listening in on their conversation. Jin was on watch and keeping an eye on them. He was far away enough though to not hear what they were saying.

"I'm not here to hurt you Juliet. I'm here to get you off the island."

She laughed. "Why?"

"Why? Who cares why! Don't you want to get back to your sister? Isn't that what you kept asking me for all those years?"

"Yes I did. And as I recall it you never let me go. That doesn't make what you're saying now very believable, does it?"

"Juliet!" She turned to see Sawyer walking towards them.

"Seems like you found yourself quite the over protective boyfriend. Very old fashioned, Juliet." She looked at Ben again, lightly squeezing her eyes.

"You don't scare me Ben. I know where you came from, remember?" She paused for a second. "A little boy rejected by his father." She could tell she had touched a nerve.

"My father was a fool! And fools don't survive on this island. You better tell your boyfriend that." He turned around and walked towards the shore.

* * *

That morning the plan was made. Part of their group would head of to Hydra Island. Ben would go with them. James had volunteered to lead the group. It would give him the chance to get Ben away from Juliet. And he was curious about the plane. Somehow the thought of a plane intact on the island made thoughts of leaving this place pop up in his head again. Miles would come with him, as well as Kate, Frank and Hurley. Jin would stay back with Sun. Jack's ankle still hurt so Sawyer forbid him to come ("you'll just slow us down Doc").

"How many people did you say there were on the other island?" Saywer looked at Sun.

"Twelve? I think. Some were injured."

"Twelve? How big is that plane?"

"It's a big plane, James" Kate answered. "Hurley bought as many seats as he could. I don't know exactly how many people were on board. We were in business class."

"Prince Hugo upgraded ya all?"

"Oceanic paid us settlements." Kate ignored his sarcasm.

"Well, look at that! I guess crashing on a deserted island is the best way to increase ur standard of living. Can't wait to find out what fortune awaits me back home."

"Some of those people probably are still stuck in 1977." Miles was thinking out loud.

"Well, not much we can do for them. Let's get this show on the road. First, we need a story. They're gonna wonder where me and Miles came from."

"Why don't we just tell them you were on the plane too" Hurley suggested.

"Brilliant plan Hugo. What if there's a manifest. Don't want to end up like that guy Ethan, thank you very much."

"Why don't you just tell the truth." It was Ben, who was standing apart from the group but still close enough to follow the conversation.

"And what truth might that be? That we crashed here, time traveled, and a few days ago magically re-entered the new millennium?" Sawyer looked at Ben.

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm James. You and Miles can always stay behind. That way you avoid the confrontation altogether."

"Not happening."

"Maybe we can repeat the boat story again." Miles looked up. "You pulled it off once, you can pull it off again."

"And what if they come back here to the beach with us? The entire camp is built out of plane stuff dude." Hurley looked at Miles.

"Huh. Point taken."

"Enough talking guys". James pulled himself up. "We'll go over it while hiking. We gotta move."

He had told Juliet he wasn't allowing her to come, even though she wanted to. "Will you just listen to me for once, woman? Remember our earlier hike? That was a bad idea. You ain't up for it. I don't want you hiking for more than a few hours. Tell her Jack!" What he really wanted was for her to be as far away from Ben as possible.

"The cuts are healing just fine James. I'm a doctor myself."

"Yeah, well… I'm your boyfriend and in charge of this hike. You ain't coming. You can hang out here and play doctor to Jack."

"Fine." She stared at him for a few seconds then turned away. Sawyer sighed. _Fine_. He didn't have time to think about how to smooth communication with her now. He just wanted her to stay here, far away from Ben. He walked around, checking if they had everything they needed for their trip. He sure wished he had a gun.

Within half an hour, everyone was set and ready to go. Sawyer walked over to Juliet who was at the kitchen cleaning up. "We're off." She turned to look at him. He smiled. He could see she was worried now. She still looked cool and composed but he could read her well enough to not be alarmed anymore like he had been that morning.

"Just … be careful. Please." She pressed her lips together.

He touched her cheek. "Baby, I'll be fine." He leaned in to kiss her; then whispered in her ear "I'm going to get you off this island." She shivered. They touched foreheads.

She swallowed, then whispered back: "Don't play hero. He is …"

"Ssssh." He framed her face with his hands. Not knowing what to say, he leaned in and kissed her again. "Don't worry about me. I'll be back before you know it."

He walked over to Jin. "Keep an eye on her will ya?" Jin nodded.

* * *

_Why is Ben back on the island?_ This question had occupied Juliet's mind since the moment she found out. Why? Why was he here? _Whatever happened happened? _That wasn't good enough anymore. She needed to understand. Why was he showing up in her life over and over again? Ben the manipulative lying violent leader, Ben the confused weirdo kid, Ben the 'playing innocent' plane crash victim. Ben, Ben, Ben. She tried so hard to block him out. But it was pointless. When he wasn't actually around, like now, he was invading her head, smiling, staring, interfering. She felt able of killing him, but would that solve things? Wouldn't he just keep creeping up on her in spirit, bugging her, stealing her peace of mind? One line kept replaying in her mind: _if you don't deal with things, they will keep coming back your way, until you do. _That was what Rachel used to say, whenever she had another bad Edmund story. First it was Edmund 'the inattentive husband'. Then it was Edmund 'the cheating husband', to be followed by Edmund 'the manipulative ex-husband/boss'. _Edmund will stay in your life until you deal with him. _That was basically the message. Edmund, Edmund, Edmund. Ben, Ben, Ben. _Damn it._

She was organizing their tent. Anything to keep her busy. Apart from her headaches over Ben, she was even more worried about the fact that James had gone into the jungle. She had always worried when Sawyer went on patrol. She knew the dangers of this island all too well. But now _he was with him. _Not that she thought Ben would do anything to James (although the Goodwin memory did send shivers down her spine). But she knew that James was very capable of turning on Ben in a stage of rage. _An accident._ That was what she feared most. She wanted James here, safe. _Just trust him. He knows the jungle like no one else. He knows how to handle his anger. He knows I need him to come back safely. _But she also knew (and he had acknowledged it) that _Sawyer _could resurface. "Please keep yourself in check" she mumbled as if James was here to listen to her. She sighed and tried to focus on the work in front of her.

* * *

Jin was walking towards the water, his improvised fishing gear with him. He waved and smiled to Juliet. He looked so happy. Now that Sun was back there was nothing that could break his spirit. Not this island, not Ben, not any of this. Their love was apparently still very strong.

Sun came out of their tent and approached Juliet. She smiled.

The two women were standing next to each other looking at Jin's attempt to fish. "You know he talked about you all the time." Sun looked at her, but didn't say anything back.

"After we got stuck in the Dharma Initiative I used to teach him English. We had so much fun. James would interfere and try and teach him swear words or rude comments." She smiled at the memory. "You know … when you were due to give birth … he got so quiet. We tried to cheer him up but nothing worked. I think that was his low point." Juliet stopped talking while memories were replaying in her mind. Sun just looked at her.

"About a week after your due date Miles decided it was time for the heavy 'ornaments'."

Sun raised her eyebrows. Juliet laughed. "That means lots of food and lots of alcohol. Jin got so drunk that evening! You should have seen him. It was hilarious."

"I wish I had been there."

Juliet turned her head to look at Sun.

"At least you found each other." She sighed. "That's hopeful."

They both focused again on Jin, who had just caught his first fish and was proudly waving it above his head.

"I need to show you something" Sun said out of the blue. "It's in our tent."

Inside Sun opened up her bag, searching for something. A picture of their daughter was standing right next to their improvised pillows. "Here. I want you to have this" she gave Juliet a small package. Juliet took it and stared at it for a while.

"Sun…" She looked up. Sun smiled, a little embarrassed.

"Jin told me about your … situation. When I decided to come back I made sure to take more than enough with me. I didn't want to take risks." She paused. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

Juliet looked at her, then back at the gift in her hand, not knowing what to say.

Sun continued "I know how important it is to be able to be with your partner. Please take it. Let's hope we get rescued before you finish them." She smiled.

Juliet examined her gift: three months of birth control. Three months. They could get rescued in three months? They could get rescued…? She didn't even want to think about the possibility of going home. The here and now was more than enough for her to handle.

"Thank you Sun. Thank you." She briefly touched Sun's wrist. "Let's hope we get to use it" she whispered.

* * *

Four days later

Jin and Jack had been talking. And they had done the math. Four days. That would be the minimum to get done what their friends had set out to do. A long day to get across to the other island, some time there to examine the plane, talk to the survivors, adjust plans. And then the trip back. Before their group left they had all agreed that they would not stay there any longer then needed. They would come back, 'report', and they would all decide on what to do next together. Four days. That meant they could return any day now.

Sun had shared with them all she knew about the 'crash' site and about the people that were still there. They tried to go over possible scenarios. But no matter how much they discussed it, fact was that they had no clue how Sawyer and the others were doing and if they were ok. And for some weird reason, Jin got worried.

_Kind of a lame ending, but oh well... To be continued :)_


	7. Disturbing Freckles

**This is the first Hydra team chapter. Since I never intended on writing this at all it was kind of a struggle. Working on the next one now (where all the action is...). Enjoy!**

* * *

They had been hiking for two hours. Sawyer was in front with Kate right behind him. Frank and Ben followed at a distance of about twenty feet. Hurley and Miles were the last in line. No one was talking.

Sawyer was lost in thought. Could he just tell that they were Oceanic 6 survivors? Wouldn't that just be too bizarre? And what about Miles? That story wouldn't cover him. Or Juliet. He went over the old boat story again but couldn't get past the risk of some of these new people heading back with them to camp. How about a combination of the two stories? They could have shipwrecked and apparently some other people had crashed years back. They just used someone else's camp. _Damn it. _He would just have to assess the situation and improvise. Trust his old skills.

"What's wrong" Kate asked while speeding up a little so she was walking next to him.

"What?" Sawyer looked up.

"You were just swearing out loud. What's wrong?"

"Nothin'. Just going over the story."

"You need an extra pair of brains for that one?"

"Thanks. But I'll figure it out."

"Sure wish we had guns right now?" She smiled nervously, clearly looking for something to say. Why did it feel weird being here with James? They had hiked through the jungle together so many times before. Still, she felt awkward.

Sawyer looked at her and squeezed his eyes a bit. "Maybe I should ask you what's wrong, huh?"

"I'm fine."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Peachy." Sawyer shook his head and turned his eyes back to the ground in front of him.

After a few minutes Kate spoke again. She just had to ask. "Do you ever miss our times together?"

"Kate" He looked right at her. "Don't go there." His voice was firm and harsh.

Kate rubbed her neck with her right hand and turned away. She felt tears coming. Sawyer sighed. "Why don't you make things right with Jack, Freckles?"

She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. She loved that nickname. "It's too late for me and Jack."

"You sure? You're not just trying to avoid difficult conversations?"

She stopped and turned to face him, a little annoyed by his words. "Yes I'm sure. You don't know anything about the situation James." She started walking again. Sawyer followed.

"No. I don't. I just remember a little talk me and Jacko had before the blast where he was all sad like a puppy cause he'd lost ya."

"This isn't about me and Jack, Sawyer."

"This ain't about you and me either Kate."

She stopped walking again. James looked at her then shook his head. _Don't steal my peace of mind Freckles. I've got a good thing going here. _He stepped past her and continued walking.

* * *

Kate felt out of place. Coming back to the island hadn't been what she'd expected it to be. There was no sign of Claire. And Jack was different. He wasn't drinking anymore (having no alcohol helped) but he also seemed to be on a mission again. _Back to his rescue mode _she thought. As for Hurley and Sun… she had seen so little of them over the past three years. To be honest, she was no closer to them then she was when they left the island three years ago.

And Sawyer… When they returned to the beach with Sun and Frank she noticed something had changed. He was different. His anger seemed to have subsided and he was full of happy chatty talk, showing off his dimples to everyone that wanted to see. Juliet was different too. She actually smiled. And not a polite smile, but a genuine smile. The way she hugged Sun and Jin displayed more affection than she had ever seen from Juliet. Miles and Jin hugged and Sawyer and Jin shared a look that can only be shared between really good friends. These four people had bonded over the past three years; something that their 'Oceanic 6' group never did.

When Sun shared parts of their adventure, Kate could see Sawyer taking Juliet's hand. He then gently stroked hers by forming small circles with his thumb. Juliet slowly rested her head on his shoulder. Kate felt uneasy. Was it because she missed having that type of intimacy herself? Or was it because she was jealous? When she asked about Ben and Sawyer snapped at her she felt angry. Something was off. His behavior was so unpredictable she didn't know how to talk to him, or even be around him. First he'd seemed happy to see her. Now he just treated her like 'one of the guys'. That's why she was so eager to go on this hike. She wanted to talk to him to clear this up. Whatever 'this' was. Her first attempt earlier today had failed and she had no idea how to act around him now.

She was lost in her own thoughts and didn't hear Miles approaching. He smiled at her while throwing a small stick up in the air.

"It's kind of fun to see you in the wild now."

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, that sounded totally superficial and sexist. It's just that I heard so many stories about you after you left. It's nice to meet the leading lady."

"We met before Miles."

"Yeah, like… 1 second."

"So what stories have you heard?"

"Just stories… about you and Jim. He was kind of hung up on you the first few months after the island shifted."

"And after the first few months?"

"Ah, you know Jim."

"I'm not so sure."

"He's a guy. He has needs. He was quite the favorite of the Dharma ladies for a little while."

"I guess that changed when he and Juliet got together."

"Totally. Which was excellent for me. Less competition."

Miles tossed the stick to the side. He squeezed in front of Kate for a few meters because the path had become too narrow. When the path widened again he slowed a bit so he could walk next to her again.

"Him and Jules are really happy you know."

"Are you trying to tell me to stay away Miles?"

"I'm just saying… They're my friends. And they're good together. I guess she makes Jim bearable and he makes her human. Yet again, excellent for me. Makes my life a lot easier."

"You don't have to warn me Miles. There's nothing between me and Sawyer anymore. You can stop campaigning for them."

_Pfeww…_

"Good. I've got more than enough on my to do list."

* * *

"So you and Juliet are together I noticed?" Ben had crept up behind Sawyer.

"That ain't your business." He snapped back.

Ben just continued talking. "Sorry to hear. I was looking forward to seeing her again. She and I always understood each other very well."

_Understood each other my ass._

"Can I give you a piece of advice?"

_What the fuck? _"No thanks."

"She can get … emotional… sometimes, as you might know. She easily mistakes good intentions for something else when she's like that."

Sawyer kept walking, not the least bit interest in getting into a conversation with Ben.

"You know what's ironic?" Ben continued. "Off all the people I know, you ended up being Head of Security of the Dharma Initiative. As I recall you didn't exactly have a clean track record."

Sawyer's hands started to itch. "You eager to lose some teeth, Frankenstein?"

"Quite the temper as well. You haven't changed a bit. James."

"Will you just shut up, man." Miles interfered. He caught up with Ben and James and was now staring at the shortest of the two men. "We're not interested in anything that comes out of your mouth."

Ben smiled coldly.

"I'm sure you will reconsider that statement very soon."

* * *

They had to make camp in the jungle that evening. James cursed himself for leaving so late that morning. They could have had a comfortable night at the barracks if they had left earlier that morning. Even though things had gone fairly smooth (Ben had been annoying but 'tolerable' that day) he was in a bad mood. He also found himself avoiding Kate again. He had gone into the bushes to collect fire wood. Just when things seemed to have quieted down, this uncomfortable feeling crept up on him again. He felt guilty towards Kate for avoiding her and terribly guilty towards Juliet for everything relating to Kate. _Focus asshole, focus. Focus on finding a way off of this rock for her. _

Miles had followed him on his fire wood trip. He knew his friend too well to not notice what was going on. And blunt but honest he out of the blue commented on the whole situation. "Just acknowledge she's hot man. Every man would think that!"

"Well I ain't every man."

"Just because you slept with her doesn't mean you're the God of her universe you know. If you have unfinished business, just finish it." Sawyer picked up a few branches that seemed good to light the fire.

"Christ, you're hopeless, Jim."

"What am I supposed to do huh? If you're so full of brilliant observations and ideas, answer me that one."

"Well, you could just tell her straight to her face that it's over between you, that you're planning on asking Jules to marry you, and that you're sticking to your plan."

Sawyer grumbled.

"You're such a fool, you know that." Miles was on a roll. "You've got a super smart hot girlfriend who you happen to totally love…. I think…?" Miles was playing mind games now, Sawyer knew that.

"Yeah yeah doctor Freud. I get your point."

* * *

They reached the barracks in the morning of day two. The boats were still there, waiting to be used by them. Miles, Kate and Hurley took the first boat. Sawyer, Frank and Ben took the second. The ocean was unsteady and it took them an hour to cross over to the smaller island.

There were seven people there; seven survivors of Ajira flight 316. Some of them walked up to Frank to ask them what happened; where he'd disappeared to; where the Korean woman was; and _who _these other people were. Frank tried his best to answer the questions. When they saw Kate and Hurley another round of questions started. Where did they go after crashing? Did they know where the other people on the plane were?

Before entering the boats earlier that day their group had agreed on a story. They would stick to some parts of the truth. They would all be victims of a prior plane crash: Sawyer, Miles, Jin and Juliet. They wouldn't mention Oceanic, or time traveling, or Jin and Sun being married. _Not too much detail. More chances of messing up. _Sawyer's golden rule of conning, and everyone was to follow it. When asked about their disappearance from the plane, Kate, Hurley and Frank kept things as vague as possible and added post traumatic shock and blows to the head as reasons for not remembering every detail (Ben kept quiet altogether).

Their story seemed to go down pretty well. Sawyer would have felt comfortable if it wasn't for one guy. He introduced himself as Caesar and seemed to have taken it upon himself to lead this survivor's camp. Even though he acted welcoming and friendly, Sawyer felt his eyes on him wherever he went.

There appeared to be three more survivors. They were injured and taken inside the Hydra station. It was cooler and less dusty there. Caesar offered Sawyer to have a look. Two of the three people were unconscious; one was awake but clearly confused. It was weird being back at the Hydra station. First time he'd been here he'd been a prisoner. This was where he had met Juliet. When they joined the DI he had been here many more times for professional reasons. The place now looked neglected: no one had been using the station since the Others left.

"Have you ever been here?" Caesar had noticed Sawyer looking around with a specific interest.

"Yeah, we've been here before. Not lately though." He turned to look at Caesar. "Had no reason to come here much. Nothing but deserted cages and broken computers."

"Do you have any idea what this place once was?"

"Dunno man. Seems like a scientist's place. I ain't no scientist. Not my cuppa tea."

They spent their second night with the other survivors. The questions had stopped. Frank had shared with them his plan to examine the plane more closely. Maybe he would be able to get it operational again. This news seemed to provide just that little bit of hope that people under extreme circumstances need to be able to relax, even just for a little while. Sawyer dozed off after Ben had fallen asleep, his legs heavy from the long walks.

_On to chapter 8. _


	8. That's for Sayid

**Day 3 after leaving their camp**

Sawyer woke abruptly a little before sunrise. He instinctively looked over to where Ben was sleeping. The spot was empty. Everyone else in the camp was still sound asleep. He got up, worried, and walked over to the other side of the camp. No sign of Ben. He couldn't have gone far right? This was a relatively small island for Christ's sake! He followed the beach to where the boats were, only to find Miles and Frank snoring, one man in each boat. Good, at least he had stayed away from the canoes. He was slowly walking back to the camp when he noticed Ben, sitting in the sand between some trees. His legs were crossed and he was staring into the direction where the sun would come up. When he heard footsteps he turned his head and looked right at Sawyer. The two men stared at each other for a few seconds, neither one of them wanted to be the first to look away. Eventually Sawyer just shook his head, and walked back to his sleeping spot.

_Earlier that night_

It was the middle of the night when Ben woke up. The fire was almost dead and around him were only the familiar sounds of people sleeping: heavy breathing, light snoring, the occasional cough. He quietly got up and walked over to Caesar, who was sleeping at the other end of the camp. Ben shook his shoulder with his left hand while covering Caesar's mouth with his right. The man woke up and looked at Ben with startled eyes.

"Ssssht. I need to talk to you. It's very important. But you have to keep quiet." Ben slowly removed his hands.

"What do you want?" Caesar whispered.

"There are things you need to know; about the people who came with us. We need to go someplace where we can talk safely. Not here. Follow me."

Caesar was hesitant to get up. But he also knew he had no reason to distrust the man in front of him. He had been on their plane and was a victim of the crash just like the rest of his group. If this man knew more about the two strangers who had shown up today, he was more than happy to follow him and talk.

* * *

After breakfast Frank, Miles and Sawyer left to check on the plane. Hurley stayed by the canoes and Kate was back at the camp, together with Ben. Sawyer had asked her to check out the group atmosphere while keeping an eye on Ben at the same time. Did everyone still believe their story? Was their cover safe?

The plane was heavily damaged but intact. Sawyer grinned. All the rock breaking he had done at this very spot… At least it hadn't been for nothing. Frank climbed inside and locked himself in the cockpit for a bit. Miles and Sawyer walked around, removing branches and rocks.

"This thing is never gonna fly." Miles mumbled.

"Don't be a downer Enos. Let Frank be the judge of that."

They heard branches breaking followed by footsteps behind them. When they turned around Caesar came out of the bushes.

"Hi there chief!" Sawyer walked towards him. "How are we today?"

"I am fine thank you. What are you guys doing here?"

"Nothing much. Cleaning up the area a bit. Hanging around in case that pilot needs a hand."

"I was just wondering… how long have you guys been stuck here again?"

_OK, here we go. Just keep it simple. _Sawyer looked at Miles while answering the question: "Hard to say. We ain't got no calendar here."

"I understand. But you must have some idea. A few weeks, months, even longer than that?"

Sawyer was about to improvise an answer, when Frank's head appeared. "Guys, I want to check some other stuff. Care to give me a hand?" He climbed out of the plane and walked to the tale ending. "Sure thing captain. You comin' chief?" He looked at Caesar, who seemed well aware of the fact Sawyer was ditching the question. James made eye contact with Miles who nodded at him. The two men were obviously thinking the same thing. _We need a little more to the story to keep us going._

* * *

That night Hurley woke up because someone was poking him in the side. He mumbled "what!" and slowly opened his eyes. There was no one there. It was dark but the moon was up and he could make out the sleeping bodies of the people around him. He closed his eyes again, thinking he must have been dreaming. But no more than five minutes later the poking happened again. It startled him and this time the 'what!' came out a little louder. He was up on his feet in seconds and stared at the face of his Iraqi friend.

Hurley's voice woke up Sawyer. "Anything wrong man?" he asked while rubbing his eyes. Hurley turned to look at him and then back at where he'd seen Sayid. No one was there.

"Nothing dude. I gotta pee. Sorry I woke you."

Sawyer closed his eyes again. "Don't get lost Hugo."

Hurley looked around, his eyes searching the area. His heart was beating fast. _You can't be here dude. I'm not crazy. You're dead. _He walked away from the group while trying to calm himself. There was a cool breeze and he sat down on a rock close to the water. The ocean was beautiful with the moonlight reflecting in it. The sound of the waves relaxed him a bit. Just as he felt calm enough to go back to sleep he heard Sayid's voice: "That plane will not fly Hurley." He turned around to see his friend standing right behind him. "Dude!" He walked back a few steps.

Sayid continued: "Frank knows nothing of engines. I do. I'm telling you that plane will not fly."

"You're dead man." Hurley's voice trembled.

"I'm well aware of that Hurley."

"Why are you talking to me? Why don't you go bother Miles? Talking to dead people is kind of ... his thing." _Not mine._

"Miles isn't my friend. You are."

Hurley took a deep breath. "What do you want?"

"I want to help you."

"Help me? By telling me the plane can't be fixed? How's that helping?"

"The plane can't be fixed. But something inside the plane can."

"What are you talking about?"

"The satellite phone."

"The phone's dead dude. Frank tried it a zillion times."

"Of course it's dead. That's why it needs repairing. There's stuff you can use from the Hydra station. Replace whatever is broken, and call for help."

"That's easy for you to say. Who am I supposed to call huh? No one knows where the island is!"

"That's not true."

Hurley looked at Sayid for a while. His friend might be dead, he himself might be crazy, but aside from that … it sure felt good to hear Sayid's voice. He thought about what Sayid had just said. After a few minutes the Iraqi broke the silence: "I have to go." Hurley pressed his lips together. "How am I supposed to fix the phone huh? I don't know anything about phones!" "You're a clever guy Hurley. You'll manage just fine." He turned around and walked away.

Hurley watched him leave until he disappeared into the dark night. "I miss you dude" he whispered.

* * *

**Day 4**

_Morning_

The first thing Hurley did after waking up was to tell Sawyer what had happened. Even though he was tempted to make some crude comments, Sawyer kept quiet till Hurley had finished sharing whatever Sayid had said. Hurley then stared at him for a few seconds. "You think I'm crazy right?"

"I sure do." Sawyer grinned. "But guess what. Ain't nothin' wrong with crazy these days. It's worth having a look right?" Hurley nodded, glad he had found someone to help him. They went to look for Frank and the three of them walked to the plane. They climbed inside and gathered around what had been a proper working satellite phone.

"I don't know what's wrong with it. It's just dead." Frank sighed.

"Come on dude. You must have had problems with these things before." Hurley looked at him, hopeful.

"Problems, yes. But you have people who are experts at this Hurley. I'm a pilot, not a technician or an electrician, or whatever it is you are when you know how to fix this."

"Allright. That's allright. Let's just have a look at it together. Three minds know more than one." Sawyer tried to stay positive. They went over possible problems: the battery, the wiring, the antenna. The only thing to do was to just go to the Dharma station and trust their luck.

* * *

Caesar was getting nervous. The things Ben had told him the other night only strengthened his suspicion of the two new men in his group. Whatever story they had fed them, it wasn't the truth. This guy Sawyer was a criminal, a convicted felon to be exact. Ben had shared details about his crimes. It had been all over the news a few years back, or so Ben said. And to be honest, Sawyer's face did look familiar to Caesar. That guy Miles seemed to be his buddy, so he was presumably his sidekick. Caesar had been so anxious to have a partner, someone he could trust, that he had immediately decided then and there that Ben was the one. He had even shown him the gun he had found at the Hydra station a few days back.

But now things had even gotten more complicated. Why was the fat guy heading off with that criminal? Why were they talking in low voices as if they were sharing secret information? He followed them to the Hydra station, eager to find out what they were up to.

Sawyer, who was used to people sneaking up on him (one of Phill's annoying habits) didn't even turn around when he started talking: "Care to help us on a little mission chief?" He stopped walking and turned to face Caesar. "Or are you spying on us?"

"What are you up to?"

"Looking for some supplies! The pilot figures there might be a way to fix the satphone." He squeezed his eyebrows. "You know anything about satphones chief?"

"No."

"Too bad." Sawyer turned back to the direction he was heading in and while walking away from Caesar said to Hurley (a little too loud): "Just you and me then big boy. Or…" He stopped and turned again. "do you wanna help? Extra pair of eyes is always welcome." _Stay open. Make him like you. _

Caesar stared at them while they entered the Hydra's main building, but then decided to accept Sawyer's offer and followed them inside.

* * *

_Late afternoon _

They had almost tried everything they could think of. At first their lack of success was intentional. They had to make it seem like things weren't working. This Caesar guy had to get tired and go away. After an hour and a half, that was exactly what happened. Caesar wished them luck, announcing he was taking a break. But even after he left, the damn thing stayed dead. They'd found something at the Station that could pass as a battery and attached it in various different ways. They'd checked the wiring. Next on the list was the antenna. Sawyer rubbed his forehead. He should've paid better attention at school. Technical stuff had been his interest as a little boy, but he had been too busy rebelling and chasing girls to actually learn much in high school. _If I ever live again, I'll pay better attention at school I promise. Just please, let the goddamn phone work! _He stepped back and let his breath slip out between his teeth. "Here we go again guys." He turned on the switch for the zillionth time.

_I'll be god damned. _The screen lit up. The three men stared at it for a few seconds. Sawyer picked up the phone to check if there was a connection. _Son of a bitch! _He looked at Hurley, cleared his throat and handed him the phone: "Do your thing Hugo."

* * *

_Early evening_

Kate was crying. A few silent tears. Hurley threw his arm around her shoulder and had the biggest smile in the world. Sawyer was leaning back against a tree, eyes closed. Frank was still inside the plane. He needed a moment to himself. Miles walked over to James. "Now what?" he asked. Sawyer opened his eyes to look at his friend. "Now we wait."

* * *

**Day 5**

They were getting ready to leave. Frank had told everyone the good news. What the people here now had to do was to stay put and wait. He himself and the others that came with him had to travel back to the main island to inform everyone there. There were happy goodbyes and hopeful messages (We'll see you soon. We should keep in touch once we get rescued. Look after yourself. We're all gonna be fine).

Caesar was sitting at the end of the beach, his bag between his knees. He might need what was inside it. Ben observed him from a distance, but he didn't notice. The scene he had overheard the day before was still replaying over and over in his head. _"Dad? Dad? It's me, dad. Just…. Listen please. I don't have much time…. I am ok. I'm back on the island." _Who the hell were these people? He had genuinely thought of changing his opinion after Sawyer had invited him on their search at the Station. He had seemed just as eager to get off this island as anyone else and he was dead serious about wanting to fix that phone. _Who cares about what anyone has done before coming here?_ had been Caesar's thought. Besides, he himself was the only one with a gun. In case of anything, he was able to protect himself. But after what he'd heard yesterday, his suspicion was back.

Kate, Frank, Hurley, Miles, Sawyer and Ben had had gathered near the canoes. Some of the other survivor's had come to wave them off. Sawyer and Miles were busy pushing the boats into the water. Caesar walked up to them. Why were they so eager to leave? He was getting angry and looked at Ben for support. Ben just nodded at him.

"Why are you leaving?"

"Gotta tell the others." Sawyer kept pushing the boat.

"Don't you think it's better to wait here for rescue? We are easy to locate on this little island. And anyone can see the plane from the sky. How would they know where to find you out there?"

"Thanks for your concern. But we'll manage." The second boat was almost in the water now.

"Why are you lying?" Caesar raised his voice a bit. Sawyer turned around. "What?"

"You're a liar. You all are." He looked at Miles, Kate, Hurley, Frank. His eyes then found Ben again. "I know all about who you are. You all know each other. And you!" he turned back to Sawyer. "You're a criminal, a murderer."

Kate looked at Ben, who was smiling contently. "What the hell are you talking about man?" Sawyer was getting annoyed. "We just managed to get you all rescued!"

"He!" Caesar pointed his finger at Hurley. "He said he was _back on the island_. You, all of you have been here before. You know this place. And you were _on my plane._ Why? We probably crashed here because of you!" Hurley looked back at him but wasn't quick enough to reply without sounding suspicious.

"Where are you getting all these ridiculous ideas man" Miles sighed, he was not in the mood for drama. "From the one honest guy among you" Caesar turned to Ben. "At least he had the guts to come forth and tell me about you all."

_What the fuck? Is this guy really stupid enough to trust Ben? _"You're hilarious you know that? He's the goddamn criminal on this island. And you trust him?" Sawyer threw a nasty look Ben's way. He knew he would try and ruin things somehow. _You can't change a man's nature._ But if that were true, what did that say about himself? He quickly shook off that thought. "Let's go guys."

"You're not leaving." "Yes man, we are."

"NO, you're not".

"Sawyer?" It was Kate, and she sounded alarmed. He turned away from the boat again and stared at the gun pointed at him.

James tried not to sound intimidated or worse: scared. "You're such an idiot. What are ya gonna do? Shoot me? Then who's the murderer? Do you even know how to use a gun?" Caesar lowered his gun a bit. Sawyer raised his hands. "And you, you … freak." He looked at Ben. "What's in this for you?" Ben smiled at him and that smile was the creepiest smile James had ever seen. And he knew, immediately. _He still wants her. _

"Leave him out of this." Caesar aimed his gun back at Sawyer.

Miles noticed before James did. Hurley noticed before James did. Because James was just staring at Ben. When Caesar fired the gun, Hurley jumped on his neck, pulling him down. Miles, in a heroic effort to protect his friend jumped in front of Sawyer. A second later, both men were in the water. Kate screamed. She ran towards the ocean and tried to pull them up. The water turned red. James was the first to stand. The blood belonged to Miles. The bullet had pierced his lower leg and he was screaming with pain.

On the beach Hurley was on top of Caesar. He was able to take the gun off him and managed to get up again. He saw Sawyer walking towards them, mad as hell. "You fucking asshole." Caesar raised his head, definitely afraid now. But Sawyer walked right passed him. He couldn't care less about that Caesar guy, even though he was a stupid idiot with no idea of how to shoot properly. No, his anger was aimed at Ben, who was standing three meters away now. "Calm down James. The guy was just a little confused. Nothing bad happened." Sawyer was right in front of him now. "I know what you're after. And I'm telling you: it ain't gonna happen." Ben looked up at him, face firm, eyes cold. "I'm telling you: it is."

The first blow to Ben's head was on his left side. Sawyer continued with his other arm. When Ben reached for his own cheek, Sawyer hit him a third time, full on the nose. There was a cracking sound. "James, stop it." Kate ran towards the two men. But Sawyer wouldn't stop.

"Damnit Sawyer, you're going to kill him."

"I don't care. He deserves to die."

"He's not worth it James." She firmly grabbed both of his shoulders and pulled him back. He stumbled and fell back on top of her. Ben made use of the sudden space and was back on his feet before Sawyer was.

"You're scum James. A fool!" Sawyer was ready to get back to the fight, but Kate still had her arms around him. _Damn it Freckles, let me go._

"Ben!"

Ben turned towards the voice. Hurley had the gun pointed at him. "You're the fool dude." And then he fired. "That's for Sayid."

**That's it for chapter eight! The question that remains: is Ben dead or not? Thanks for all the reviews. Love all of them!**


	9. Clean slate

**Back at the camp**

Jin had convinced Juliet to go fishing with him. Apart from the fact that he thought _everyone _should know how to fish (and she had managed to ignore that for the past three years by simply saying 'Fishing is a guy thing Jin. I don't want to get in the way of your male bonding') he considered it to be a good distraction. And distraction was exactly what Juliet needed. Her forehead had turned into a constant frown and she'd been complaining about headaches for two days now. He knew she was worried. And even though he was worried himself, he covered it up and made it his personal mission to get her to relax. After all, he'd promised James to keep an eye on her.

He showed her his gear: the fishing rod, an improvised net, his bate. And then continued displaying different techniques ("If you place the net here, it will catch all the fish coming from that side. Just look at the current. And the rod works best from this angle. The bigger fish tend to like that spot. Don't ask me why, they just do."). She watched, listened and nodded. "Now you do it." He looked at her, expectantly. She took the fishing net from him and tried to remember what he'd just said. _Something about the current?_ She placed the net in the water, adjusted it a bit, took it out of the water, and placed it back again. It wouldn't stay put. She took the net out again. Jin sighed. She looked up. "I'm guessing not the right spot?" She smiled, but there was nothing happy about her expression. Jin sat down on a rock. "Juliet." He patted the empty spot next to him with his hand. She sat down.

"This is day six Jin."

"I know."

"Something is wrong."

"You don't know that."

"I feel it."

"You must try not to worry. It is not helping you or anyone else."

She pushed her hair behind her ears and wiped away a tear. "It's not helping anyone to just sit here and fish too." The words came out a little harsh. "I'm sorry." She turned and looked at Jin. "I know you're only trying to make me feel better."

Jin wasn't easily offended. "I am worried a bit myself. But I also know that Sawyer is tough. He is a survivor. And Miles and Kate… they all know the jungle. Or ... are you still worried about Kate?"

"I thought you wanted me to stop worrying. Don't make it worse."

Jin smiled and took the fishing net out of her hands. "Remember that time we lost radio contact for days?" Of course she remembered. James had been gone for more than 48 hours without any sign of life. She had wanted to station herself permanently in the security office to just scan monitors hour after hour. Jin had let her, for a while. But he eventually sent her home, with the line that he knew where to find her _in case of anything_. She'd reluctantly given in, but only because she knew he could get into trouble (It was against Horace's (and James') policy to let non-security people into the security room). It had been close to midnight, she was sitting on the couch attempting to read, when he had just walked in. Soaking wet, dirty and tired, but otherwise ok. He had looked at her and – as if this was him coming home after a normal day of work – had smiled while simply saying "Hello darlin'! Thanks for waiting up". She had dropped the book and had literally jumped of the sofa and into his arms. He had been just fine. _He's probably just fine. _

"Let's just wait until tomorrow. If they are not back by then we can go look for them" Jin suggested.

Juliet felt her body relax a bit with that idea out in the open. She had also noticed the dark clouds inland. "The rains are coming" she thought out loud. It had been raining on and off for the past 24 hours. Soon it would pretty much rain for hours straight and she knew that meant the jungle would turn into a giant mud pool. But still, the idea alone felt like a relief. _Go look for them_. Much better than to just sit here and wait.

"We have to discuss this with Jack and Sun."

"OK." She nodded.

* * *

**The day before ~ Hydra island**

Everyone looked at Hurley, shocked by the fact that that smiling good humored guy – who no one considered capable of even harming a mouse – had successfully shot a gun. And hit someone with it, full in in the chest. Hurley was just as shocked as his audience and – in an attempt to distance himself from what he'd just done – threw the gun away. Frank ran forward and picked it out of the sand, keeping it aimed to the ground.

Some people ran towards Ben, others' attention turned back to Miles who was still wailing while trying to stop his own bleeding. Kate let go of Sawyer and ran over to Frank. She ripped the gun from his hand, opened it to check for any more bullets, and when there appeared to be none left, handed it back to Frank. "It's empty" she said, sounding relieved.

Sawyer lifted himself of the ground. He hadn't seen Ben move since Hurley shot him but he couldn't see if he was dead or not. There were a bunch of people blocking his view. Instead of finding out, he decided to retreat and walked over to his friend. "Lemme see." He tried to roll up the leg of Miles' jeans. Miles screamed as a reply. "Damn it. That hurts." Sawyer backed up, not wanting to add to Miles' misery. Instead, he took off his shirt and tied it tightly around where he thought the wound was. "Sorry buddy. Gotta stop this bleeding." He tried to pull Miles towards the first boat. "Kate! Help me get him in here." Kate ran over to where they were. James had grabbed Miles on one side, right arm under his friend's armpit, the other under his knee. Kate positioned herself on Miles' other side. Together they lifted him and – under loud screaming protest from Miles himself – placed him in the first canoe.

Frank walked over to the group that had gathered around Ben. He pushed two people aside to see for himself. Ben was lying in the sand. His face looked terrible: his nose painfully dislocated and blood dripping from the bullet wound. Frank kneeled beside him and placed his right ear over Ben's mouth. He felt a light breath: the guy was still alive. _Poor bastard._

"You! You!" He rose back to his feet and randomly pointed at the two men standing closest to him. "Help me move him."

"Move him? Where to?"

"To the boat. One of the people on the other island is a doctor." Since none of the survivors here had a clue of what was going on and this man – after all – was their pilot (and a seemingly OK guy), they did as Frank asked. A few minutes later, Ben was in boat number two. Frank climbed into it with him and pressed a piece of cloth to the spot where the bullet had pierced Ben's chest.

"Hurley, let's go!" He yelled at Hurley who seemed glued to the exact spot where he had pulled the trigger. One of the men who had helped Frank move Ben was still standing next to the canoe. "Frank? That's your name right?" Frank looked at him. "Can I…" the guy, who was clearly uncomfortable and confused, rubbed the side of the boat nervously. "What's going on?" he managed to finally ask. Frank sighed. "Listen, I know this all seems bizarre. Trust me, I know these people and even I don't know how to explain what just happened. But…" he paused for a second. "These are good people. I can give you my word. Please, just… stay here and try to calm everyone. Keep yourselves safe. Wait for rescue." He added a small smile and briefly patted the man's shoulder as a sign of comfort.

Hurley had managed to move himself to the boats. He stared at Ben lying in one of the canoes and then walked on and climbed into the other one. Kate looked at James and then walked over to Frank and Ben: it was clear that neither Sawyer nor Hurley should be near Ben right now. She pushed the boat a bit further into the water and then climbed in. Sawyer did the same with the other boat. The people left on the beach, including Caesar, who was still sitting in the sand, his face covered with his hands, watched them leave. None of them tried to stop them.

Paddling to the other island took forever. Frank and Hurley's job was pressing cloth to wounds, so the actual work was left to Sawyer and Kate. On top of that, there was a fierce wind working against them. If he'd been able to bypass his own anger and aggression, Sawyer would have noticed the changing weather and recognized it as the upcoming rainy season. But he was in his own world and could only focus on one thing: slamming those paddles into the water as hard and fast as possible – over and over. When he reached the dock dark clouds had gathered in the sky above them. He looked to see where Kate was – still a long way away. He jumped on the dock and with Hurley's help lifted Miles out of the boat. He carried him to the nearest Dharma house and the thought popped up that Miles would never forgive him if he ever were to joke about having to carry him around like a girl.

Hurley waited at the dock for the second boat to arrive. When James returned, Kate was just stepping out. The scene inside the boat did not look good. The bottom of the canoe was red with blood and Frank's white shirt was equally ruined. The pilot tried to pull Ben up and together with Sawyer managed to lift him out of the boat. Sawyer wanted to move towards the barracks immediately but Frank held still. He lowered Ben's legs until they were touching the wooden planks, forcing Sawyer to let go as well. Frank sat down as the first drops of rain fell from the clouds.

"I think he's dead."

"What! No dude, that can't be!" Hurley snapped back from his fantasy world to reality. Ben couldn't be dead! That would mean he had killed someone.

"I'm sorry Hugo. But I think he is." Hurley's right hand covered his own mouth as the truth sank in. He had just shot a man in cold blood.

As the few drops of rain turned into a solid tropical shower they all had to move. And since Ben couldn't be left alone on the dock, Sawyer and Frank carried him into the house where Miles was. Kate and Hurley followed. There was a rumble outside. The first sign of thunder. It would be totally irresponsible to go into the jungle now. Miles, whose agony had turned into sheer anger, did not hold back cursing _whoever _had come up with the brilliant plan to go on this trip without one of their doctors. James snapped back at him. Kate snapped at the both of them. Then everyone went quiet. They all knew they were stuck in Dharma Ville for the rest of the day. And they all, in the privacy of their own minds, cursed the jungle and this island.

* * *

The night to Miles was hell. His leg felt like it was exploding and all he could think of was how he would just love to have a good amount of alcohol to numb himself. He wasn't so lucky. Supplies at Dharma Ville were close to non-existent. And the only bottle of alcohol they did manage to find was to be saved for cleaning Miles' wound. The storm outside, combined with Miles' moaning kept most of them from any proper sleep. Kate examined Miles wound again early in the morning. The bullet was stuck somewhere deep and, since the only experience in their group with removing bullets was James taking one out of his own shoulder with his bare hands, it was obvious that they needed to get Miles back to their camp so that Jack could take care of this. Kate and Frank assembled two stretchers from branches and curtains, and when the heaviest thunder seemed to have passed they put Miles and Ben into them and went on their way. Hurley and Sawyer had argued about taking Ben or not but James had insisted. He wanted Juliet to see his body. She would otherwise never believe he was actually dead.

Progress was slow. It was difficult enough to find the path and to avoid slipping, but having to carry two men on top of that made this hike incredibly hard. They rested frequently, drinking water, eating some fruits. Two hours out of Dharma Ville, the rain stopped. This part of the island seemed to have been saved from the heaviest rain so far. Hurley asked for a rest, and they put the stretchers down.

Sawyer had taken of his shoes and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Just a few more hours" it was Kate who sat down next to him. He nodded.

"You excited about going home?" she continued.

"Sure. Ain't we all." He didn't sound at all convincing. He sighed. "If this works… I hope it works. But that's mainly because I want her to be able to go home."

"You can go home together."

"I don't know what's waiting for me out there Kate. It may not be pretty."

She shook her head, knowing exactly what he was getting at.

"There's nothing waiting for you James. I'm so sorry. I should have told you sooner. No one is looking for you."

He stretched his back and looked at her, his expression puzzled.

"Isn't that what you're talking about? You in Australia? Your name was never linked to that James."

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Because I checked. Or, to be honest, I had Cassidy check it for me. She was able to, considering you're Clem's father."

Sawyer was stunned. And annoyed. This had him worried the entire trip to the smaller island. She must have known that. But he also felt huge relief. "You sure about this?" he asked in a low voice, almost whispering. Kate nodded. "I'm sure." Sawyer pressed his eyebrows with both hands. All of a sudden he felt so tired.

* * *

They had been walking another two hours, but this time Miles had asked for a break. The ride was too bumpy for him and he needed to lie still to ease the pain. They paused close to a small stream. Kate had slowly retreated from the group. She was sitting by the water, back turned towards the rest of them. Sawyer walked up to her and sat down on a rock close to hers.

"What's going on Kate?"

She flashed a weak smile. "I just need some space to myself."

He kept looking at her and she knew she had to come out with it.

"I just … thought maybe there would be something left between us. I don't know. Seems kind of stupid to think nothing would have changed for you in three years." She looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed to bring this up after the ordeal they'd just been through.

Sawyer shook his head. "You and me Kate… Our first kiss wasn't exactly a bed of roses. I conned you! First time we had sex was in a cage. And if my memory serves me right, you thought I was a dead man. How romantic is that!"

"James…"

"Freckles." He put his hand up. "Please, I gotta say this." He took a deep breath and let it slip between his teeth.

"Me and Juliet… Our first kiss happened after tip toeing around each other for weeks. The first time we slept together … it was in a proper bed. We were safe, happy. No one was on the run. You see the difference there Kate? I ain't saying that what happened between us didn't mean nothin'. Hell, you can quiz Jules on all the nights I spent whining about 'what would Kate be doing right now' or 'who is Kate with tonight'. I just…" He paused, thinking over his next words.

"With Juliet… things happened so slowly. I know our story ain't original: becoming friends first, then lovers. And to you and Jack and the others we must seem like a crazy combo. But the truth is Kate … this totally amazing thing happened. I never thought I could have that, you know. Think it took me over six months to believe her and me were really truly happening. And I can still look at her… And I think: what the hell did I do to deserve this? Where did I go right?"

He sighed and stayed silent for half a minute. Kate just looked at him, not knowing whether to be touched or hurt by what he'd just said.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me." He looked up at Kate now. She in return looked away. Touched or not, she hadn't seen this one coming. And this definitely hurt. Sawyer noticed it and looked back at the ground. After a minute or two he slowly got up. "I'm gonna check on Miles. Don't stay out here by yourself too long, ok?"


	10. Early birthday present

The rains stayed away. That part was good. Everything else pretty much sucked. You couldn't move without the risk of slipping. And carrying Miles and Ben was becoming increasingly hard. Sawyer had to keep telling himself _every step is one step closer to the beach. _Right now his tent and the prospect of _not having to do anything _seemed like heaven on earth. He was so damn tired. His shoulders hurt and blisters were forming on the inside of his thumbs.

Another steep descend was ahead of them. He and Frank were the first to go down, carrying Ben's body between them. Frank slipped behind him and James had to improvise to keep the stretcher steady. He stepped to the left, right onto a loose rock covered by mud. It moved and Sawyer moved with it. He landed hard on his left arm and shoulder and the stretcher slipped from his hands. Ben's body rolled downhill for a few meters. Sawyer cursed out loud, then looked back at Frank and muttered "Sorry man". Miles, after hearing Ben fall, started wailing about the extra pain that was about to be his (since getting down and staying _on _the stretcher seemed wishful thinking). All Sawyer thought was _dead people make better passengers_.

* * *

They had been hiking for over twelve hours when they reached the beach. The sun was setting and Jin and Sun shared a quiet moment by the water. They had just finished their daily afternoon routine (laundry, fetching water, cleaning their tent) and had made it their habit to watch the sunset together. Juliet was out looking for fruits, a lame excuse to be alone for a bit. Jack was leaning back on one of the remains of an airplane chair. Juliet had borrowed him her book this morning and he was using the last bit of daylight to read a few more pages. While turning a page he briefly looked up and saw her walking onto the beach. _Kate! _He jumped up and stared as the rest of the team entered his view. There were Hurley, Sawyer, Frank. Two stretchers. His relief turned into worry but then his doctor's instinct kicked in. He rushed over. Jin and Sun followed. Sawyer, who had been scanning the beach claimed Jin's attention by grabbing his shoulder.

"Where is she?"

"She went to get some fruits. That way." Sun pointed to the other end of the beach. "She's not f…."

But Sawyer was already off. _Fuck. _Coming back to the beach and she wasn't even here! Jin had promised him to not let her out of his sight. He walked through their camp and then passed the first trees into the nearest bit of jungle. After a few minutes he abruptly stopped: there she was, back towards him. Blonde hair, same old purple shirt and shady jeans. Seemingly unaware of the commotion on the beach. In her own world.

She was just about to head back when she heard footsteps behind her. Alarmed (as always, since she knew they were not alone on this island) she turned around instantly. But it was him.

She dropped whatever fruits she was holding and they just stared at each other for a few seconds. She felt herself scanning him for injuries. No blood (easy to see. No shirt too). Bruised? She couldn't tell. He looked so tired.

She managed to slowly move in his direction. He moved frantic, hastily. When they were close enough to touch, he reached out his arms to pull her in but she resisted. "Damn you" she stammered, while slamming her clenched fists against his chest. She was half expecting him to joke about the whole situation, but he didn't. Instead he looked surprised and grabbed her hands.

"Juliet."

She lifted her head and could read the confusion on his face. She felt her anger melt away and tried to smile. His face softened at that and she rested her forehead on his right shoulder.

"I was so worried. You've been gone for six days" she mumbled against his skin.

He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her back. "I'm fine baby." He could feel her tears on his chest. When she put her arms around his shoulder blades to hug him tighter he flinched. "Maybe not totally fine."

She backed away a bit. "Just my shoulder. Kinda slippery out there." He smiled, not wanting her to worry more.

"Where's your shirt?"

He inhaled. "Bandage for Miles. He ran himself into a little trouble out on Hydra." Her expression turned serious and she looked over his shoulder in the direction of their camp.

* * *

"Fuuuuuck. That hurts man!" "I know. I'm sorry." Jack had cut open Miles jeans up to his knee and was now cleaning the wound so he could have a better look. He could clearly see the bullet, but he needed something to remove it with. _If you think this hurts, wait until I'm trying to remove it. _He was already apologizing in his mind, feeling sorry for Miles.

Sawyer and Juliet walked back to the beach, finding everyone gathered around the two stretchers. "How is he?" Juliet rushed up to Jack, who was on his knees next to Miles.

"A little moody."

"You think that's funny?" Miles grabbed the sides of the stretcher, needing to squeeze something (or someone). "Jules." He looked up at Juliet, who was standing next to Jack now. "You happen to have some secret medical kit hidden somewhere? That'd be really nice right now." His face grimaced again.

"Sorry Miles." She kneeled next to Jack, putting her hand on top of Miles'. "How deep is it?"

"I can get it out. But I need tweezers or, just something sharp." Jin was already on it as he left for his tent to get whatever medical supplies remained from the van.

"Fucking great. Jim, you wanna punch me out? I'm giving you official permission. This is your chance." Sawyer looked at him, shaking his head.

"What kind of friend are you?"

"You're going to be fine Miles." Juliet grabbed his hand and held it.

An hour later Juliet was sitting next to Ben. She had touched his face but immediately stopped when she felt the coldness of his skin. _He doesn't look dead. _Many people's expressions change after dying, like they want to show you there is no mistake: they're gone. Not Ben. Apart from the damage to his face he looked exactly the same. Like he could wake up in an unguarded moment and say "I had you all fooled!" Jin and Jack dug a grave on their old grave yard and in the dark they buried him. No one said a word.

That night, as they had fish and fruits for diner near Miles' sleeping spot, the highlights of their trip were shared with the people who'd stayed back at the beach. Frank gave a description of the plane. Sawyer portrayed whatever they knew about the survivors still stuck at Hydra Island. They talked about what had happened on the beach. And about the phone. Hurley's narration of the conversation with his dad let to tears and smiles from Sun and Jin (the possibility of him ever meeting his daughter had just opened up). Jack and Juliet stayed quiet. Too much had happened that evening and Hurley's words just wouldn't sink in.

* * *

The night had come and gone. The rains had returned during diner and everyone had just pretty much gone to bed early. It was now morning and Hurley sat next to Miles, digging with his toes in the still wet sand.

Miles, in need of a little more active distraction from his own misery, just had to ask. "So tell me. You were in a mental institution? What's up with that?" He looked at Hurley. He'd had a good night sleep and the pain was not as sharp as it had been.

"Oh, you know. I have regular chats with dad people." Hurley stared at the ocean while adding his fingers to the digging process. Miles looked genuinely startled.

"It was a nice place. Can recommend it if you need some space from 'normal people'." He looked at Miles, who was now staring at him like he was a mad man. Hurley laughed out loud. "Dude, gifts like that aren't understood by society. Ask Sawyer." He gave Sawyer a look, who in return just raised his hand as a 'no comment' sign.

Sawyer had his eyes closed. He hadn't been this comfortable in days and felt like a king in his palace. He was leaning against a small rock Juliet was sitting on. She had one leg on each side of him and was slowly massaging his shoulders. _Ah sweet heaven. _Home again.

"There's somethin' I haven't told ya." The conversation he'd had with Kate popped up into his mind, as a nasty disturber of the peace.

"What's that?" she asked, not interrupting her work.

"I ain't a wanted man."

She stopped. "What are you talking about?"

"Back home…. I ain't a wanted man. No one ever linked my name to that guy… Back in Australia."

_Back home. _When he said that, her first thought had been the Dharma Initiative. He meant Back Home. Her hands slipped from his shoulders to his upper arms. He turned to look at her. She clearly needed more than this. "Cassidy checked. Or…. " He rotated himself a bit and placed an elbow on her knee. "Kate asked Cassidy to check." He looked up at her, half expecting her to turn cold again. _OK give it to me. Ask me._ _Why would Kate do that? _But she didn't. Instead she just said "That's good news right?"

He sighed and briefly touched her chin. "Yeah, that's good news." He turned back and she continued pressing his muscles. He closed his eyes again and relaxed into her touch. _That was easy._ He didn't see her chin trembling. And she didn't know whether it was because of the Back Home part, the Not Wanted part or the Kate part.

After a few minutes she stopped. "I need to show you something."

"Now? I'm kind of enjoying this you know." Grumble.

"Come on, it's in our tent." She needed him and herself back in the here and now, away from all these big elusive things such as Rescue and Their Lives Back Home that had absolutely nothing in common. And this would be pretty perfect.

He sighed but got up. What could possibly be good enough to give up this massage for? "You got me an early birthday present?"

"Sort of." She was smiling now and crawled into their tent. She grabbed something from under her airplane pillow and handed him a small box. He stared at it, unable to read what it was without his glasses.

"It's the pill."

"A pill… For what? You comin' down with something?"

"It's THE pill, as in birth control." She bit her lip at his shocked expression.

"Where did you get this?"

She told him about Sun. "I guess Jin told her about our.., you know… situation." Now it was his turn to smile. "Our situation huh?" Then he turned serious. "Is this ok though? Is it safe?"

She took the pills from him and put them back under the pillow. "She gave it to me two days after you left. I already started taking them. We're good. For as long as this lasts at least."

He was lost for words for a few seconds, but recovered quickly and grinned. "Well", he said, "Guess who's goin' to bed real early tonight?"

* * *

He couldn't think of a time he'd ever been hornier. Or, no. Horny was not the right word. Eager to have sex? _Desperately aching to touch her._ That was more like it. He pulled his shirt over his head, since he couldn't bring up the patience to wait for her to do it. His belt was next. It was stuck and he mumbled a few words of frustration before he was finally able to open it. Then he looked up. And stopped whatever he is doing. Cause... good Lord, she was so gorgeous.

Juliet looked at him. She was in the middle of unhooking her bra, when he seemed to have stopped undressing himself. And he just stared at her. She felt awkward instantly. "What's wrong?" she asked. Still, always, that damn insecurity streak playing up. He didn't immediately answer. Instead his mouth just dropped a bit. She frowned and her eyes were begging for him to just stop looking like that.

"Come here" he mumbled, after realizing he hadn't answered her yet. They were both still half dressed. He placed his left hand on her knee while hooking his right index finger in the waistband of her jeans. He slowly pulled her onto his lap. He felt her naked breasts pressing against his chest. She looked at him, expectant, patient. Insecure push over Juliet had gone as fast as she appeared two minutes ago. He moved in to kiss her, but lingered for a second just before their lips touch, trying to grasp the energy that is in that little space between them. It was the most intense thing he'd ever felt. Then she kissed him. Mouths half open, tongues exploring, slowly, gently. It felt like time was slowing down just for them, so this moment would feel like a lifetime instead of just a few seconds.

And that was that. They managed to get rid of the rest of their clothes. He turned to move on top of her; the heat of their bodies touching felt electrifying. He placed a trail of kisses, starting at her neck, right below her earlobe, all the way down to her belly button and beyond. He thought he'd never kissed softer skin. She thought… she really couldn't think anymore. She couldn't capture the way they're moving together right now in words. This wasn't James trying to please her. It was like her pleasure was his and vice versa. When he moved inside her, sweat slid down his back. She moaned, without holding back. The rains were working in their favor, not that they noticed. He had to control himself a couple of times. But for some reason, it wasn't difficult. This needed to last as long as possible. For the both of them.

At the end, they were back where they started: her on his lap. He was still inside her, breathing heavily, licking some sweat of her shoulder. Out of nowhere he felt like crying. Crying? Seriously? _Get a grip_. He rested his forehead on her shoulder, trying to regain control of his emotions_._ His brain was waking up again. Of course, she noticed. As a response she did nothing more than gently stroke the back of his neck while whispering into his right ear "I love you." He tightened his arms around her back and the thoughts just dissolved.

When they finally were lying next to each other, they didn't speak. They never had sex like this before (and they'd had plenty of intense amazing love making sessions). They were both so taken aback by the experience that none of them could sleep. So instead they just lay there, her head on his chest, his arm lightly stroking her back, her arm curled around his stomach. By now it was poring outside and the sound blocked out all possible jungle noises. And for a while the island seemed like another world.

_To be continued!_


	11. Bliss of rescue virus

**Time for a new chapter. I was completely stuck (and still kind of am). But maybe the solution to that is to just keep going. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Reading bed time stories, going to the zoo, baking pan cakes and having family diners. That was all Jin talked about.

Proper super markets, highways (and actual cars – not those stupid hippy vans), laptops, cell phones and, well… women. That was all Miles talked about ("why am I stuck with only three chicks! And two of them are even off limits!" He then turned his head and winked at Kate).

Even Sawyer did his bit with the occasional brag about the trouble he would give Oceanic.

Juliet felt uncomfortable around so much optimism. More than six years on the island, and the possibility of going home seemed nothing more than a naïve kid's dream. She did not want to go there anymore. Not having any hope was always better than the sharp-edged pain of disappointment. She had willed herself to not look beyond the present moment, and she was actually pulling it off quite well until everyone around her seemed to have become infected with the _bliss-of-rescue _virus.

She and Sun were in the kitchen cleaning up dishes while Jack prepared himself a mango snack. It was boiling hot as usual and at least the kitchen was located in a shady spot.

Sawyer walked up to them, put his arms around Juliet's waist and started kissing her neck. Juliet, never a fan of public affection, let him, but continued washing dishes.

James, though not the 'dreamy' type (at all), had allowed himself to have a few good off-island fantasies (since he seemed to have a clean slate, why the hell not?). "You know what I am looking forward to?" He continued kissing her neck. She did not answer him which he took as a sign to keep on talking. "A king-size bed." He gently bit her earlobe, ignoring Sun and Jack. "A king-size bed, some champagne. Hell, you can choose the music." She moved her shoulders abruptly to get him to stop now and gave him a look.

"What?"

"I don't want to talk about the future."

"Why the hell not? I see only good things ahead. My Oceanic fortune, your Miami beaches …." She held his eyes with hers. "Come on Blondie. Chill out."

Another look. "Thought you'd be sick of beaches" she mumbled.

He sighed and shook his head lightly to move his hair out of his eyes. Three years with this woman and he had learned (mostly the hard way) when to just shut up. Message received. _There's only here and now._ Fear of more disappointment.

_OK I get ya. _Too bad though. He was getting kind of excited about the idea of leaving this place, with her.

He moved his hands up to her shoulders and pressed his thumbs gently into her tense muscles, massaging them slowly. She relaxed a bit under his hands.

Jack threw away the remaining mango skin and looked up at them. "It will be fine Juliet. We just need to be …"

"Need to be what?!" she flinched. Jack instantly swallowed the rest of his sentence and stared at her somewhat flabbergasted. _Ouch. _Sawyer stopped moving his hands as he felt her tense up again. Juliet shifted her head at Jack. He'd hit a nerve. "You've said that to me before remember? That didn't turn out _fine _for me." _Ouch again_. Now it was Sun's turn to look up, slightly surprised by such a bitchy comment from ever-calm Juliet.

James jumped in (even though he could still be amused by someone giving Jack a hard time). "OK, she-devil. Enough of this. I get that you don't want to talk about the future. Doesn't mean you have to give pour Jacko here a heart attack. " Juliet glanced at him over her shoulder and gave him a dirty look before staring down at her unfinished dishes. All this future-present talk was getting on her nerves.

Sawyer looked at Sun and rolled his eyes. Jack smiled sheepishly.

"If I ain't allowed to talk about the future, lemme make some adjustments to the present moment." He stroked the back of her neck with his fingers. No response.

"That's it Blondie. I've got a 50 percent say in this relationship and now I'm making it count. You're comin' with me. You mind Sun?" Sun smiled at that. The scene had swiftly moved from hostile to amusing. Yep, this was the the new James allright. Taking the edge _off _of things instead of adding fuel to the fire.

"You and me are going for a romantic stroll down the beach." Juliet shook her head, but couldn't help a little smile. Encouraged by that he turned his dimples full on. "What?! I can't fantasize about my king-size bed but I sure as hell can fantasize about us having sex on the beach."

"James!" She turned bright read in an instant. He threw his dimples at her again, feeling a little proud that he could still make her blush that easily (and Oh Yes, the sweet satisfaction of getting to say such things in front of the Doc made him feel even better). He masked his face with an all-serious look, nodded at Jack and took Juliet's hand. She gave in, but not without adding "You're insufferable."

"So are you." He grinned.

* * *

James was reading. Juliet had her head on his lap, doing nothing more than letting sand slide through her fingers, over and over again.

"James?"

"Mmm?"

"What if Rachel and I have nothing to say to each other?"

"I thought we weren't going to talk about the future?"

"I know." She sighed. He looked down at her and put his book aside, page down.

"Listen, I ain't one for pep talks. The thing is, you just don't know. And whatever you're thinking now is no more than that: a thought in your head. Just stick to what you know: you love your sister, she loves you. Take it from there."

"That's the most Zen thing I ever heard you say"

He grinned. "Yep. I'm all about living in the moment these days." He picked up his book again to continue reading. A few minutes later: a loud long sigh coming from his lap. He took of his glasses and looked at her.

"Will you just stop that woman!"

"What, I..."

He raised his eyebrows as a warning

"Live in the moment huh?" she asked rhetorically.

"Name of the game darlin'. And if I can add a little personal note here, I think this moment is pretty damn good. And you're the luckiest girl alive."

She laughed. "Oh really, why's that?"

"Jeez, should I feel offended now? You have the hottest boyfriend on this beach for one."

"That's stating the obvious."

"And the best kisser."

"I wouldn't know. I haven't kissed everyone on this beach." Juliet was enjoying herself now.

"Crossin' the line sweetheart." He leant over to kiss her, then bit her bottom lip a bit.

"Ouch! Stop that."

"That's just a mild punishment. Consider yourself warned."

She smiled up at him. Then blew him a little kiss.

* * *

And so the days passed by and not much happened. No sign of rescue, no dangerous adventures. No sign of Richard or any other people or strange scary island mysteries. They were all settling into a routine that they agreed upon. Being good spirited and all, there was surprising little disagreement or irritation. Division of labour, discipline and structure, like a mini version of normal life. Jin was in charge of fishing, with Hurley as his regular companion. Jack and Kate picked up most minor camp repairs. Juliet and Sun continued bonding while collecting fruits. Sawyer, unluckily, ended up being in charge of latrine digging. But … oh well, that job would just be temporary anyway so he disciplined himself and refrained from nasty comments. They all had rotating shifts fetching water from the stream.

Miles was up and about again, using the stick Jin had found him to support himself. He and Hurley were spending a lot of time together. At first because Miles had felt like the fifth wheel with Juliet and Sawyer being all over each other (at least compared to their usual 'let's keep it civilized in public' routine). And Jin… well. He was a goner now that Sun was back. Later on though, he and Hurley were having honest to god fun conversations. The guy was surprisingly smart and, if Miles was honest, it was a relief to meet someone who wasn't freaked out by his' 'gift'. They shared the craziest 'encounters' they had ever had and at some point Miles even felt jealous because Hurley seemed to actually _see _the dead whereas Miles could only _hear _them. And Hurley having been in the nut house? Oh well… if they ever did get rescued (how long had they been waiting now? Ten days? Longer?), good chance he would end up there if he would ever tell the truth about where he'd been the last couple of years.

Even Kate seemed to relax in their strange 'happy family' setting. After returning from Hydra island she had wanted to search for Claire. Jack had joined her. Twice. But where to look? They had hiked to the radio tower and back the first time and all the way to the Black Rock the second. They searched for tracks, old fires, eaten fruits, trampled grass. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There was not just no sign of Claire, but no sign of anyone. Not of Richard, not of Rose, Bernard, 'Others'. And even if there were people around, the rains pretty much washed away all signs of life. So they returned back to their camp both times empty handed. And after a few days, Jack convinced Kate to let it go for now. It wasn't wise to leave camp for long periods of time. Rescue could happen any day now. She agreed, but only to avoid unnecessary discussion. Finding Claire was her mission, not Jack's. And success or failure, she needed to keep the idea alive. Why else had she given up on Aaron?

* * *

One night, Juliet broke the silent agreement she and Sawyer had made about 'not talking about rescue'. They were lying in bed, and with reading being off limits since it was too dark (and kind of boring, considering they were re-reading, having already read every book in their camp), their options on what to do didn't stretch beyond sleeping, talking or having sex. Since Juliet was having her period and they weren't tired (just inside because of another heavy rain shower), the 'talking' option remained.

"Do you think we should find Richard?"

Sawyer stopped stroking her back. "What for?" he asked.

"How long have you been back now…" she was thinking out loud. "Three weeks? Four?"

"22 days." Sawyer kept record of their beach 'calendar'.

She continued. "How long does it take for anyone to get here? Locate the island, get a boat."

"Don't forget convincing Daniel's mummy. If he takes after her in the weirdness category, we might be in trouble." He continued stroking her back again.

"I think we should look for Richard."

"What can he do? I think that guy's over-rated in the power department. B'sides, no clue where he's at."

"But you think he's still on the island, right?"

"The guy's been here forever, as we both know. Don't see why he would want to leave."

"Thought so."

Sawyer shifted a bit so he could face her. "What's going on in that head of yours Blondie?"

"We can't live on this beach forever James. We don't have any supplies, no weapons, nothing. We need to do something."

"You sayin' we can talk about the future now?"

She squeezed his upper arm. "I'm saying we can't stay passive like this forever. The least we can do is find out for sure if we're the only ones here or not."

_That's my girl. _Taking matters into her own hands. "Allrighty then." He leaned in and kissed her.

* * *

**Please leave a review! They keep me writing this :)**


	12. Mr Reyes phone call

**Let's move on with it. How to get things moving on the island again? Maybe by getting things moving off-island! Time to bring back one of my all time favorite characters :) He gave me a new writing boost and this chapter was done really fast. Thanks to anyone who is still reading this. **

* * *

_He opens his eyes and stares right into Sayid's. "We have got to go now." The Iraqi always seems to have such a calm and determent way of communicating. How does he do that? Does he never worry? Does he not know doubt? Or fear? _

_He lifts himself from the ground and stretches his back quickly. Sayid hands him a torch. They walk quietly to the edge of their camp. There is Jack, Jin, Sun, Hurley. Sayid hands out orders. They will search in pairs, each pair heading out into a different direction. They will meet back here before dawn. He teams up with Jack. They head of to the Southern part of the island._

_They don't speak much. Thank God there is no rain. They walk quietly, carefully placing their feet on the ground. He knows they are not alone here. Best not to draw attention. Suddenly Jack stops and quickly turns his head without moving his body, like an owl scanning the environment. He wants to ask him what is going on, but doesn't. Instead, he listens._

_And then he hears it: the whispers. Distant at first but rapidly coming closer, until they are so loud he has to push his hands over his ears. He closes his eyes, unable to move. And what would be the point of moving anyway? This sharp sound seems to be all around. _

_After a while (how long? He can't tell) he removes his hands from his ears, slowly. Silence is back. The light coming from his torch is weakening. He looks up at where Jack is. But Jack's gone. He turns around quickly, moving in circles, holding his torch in front of him both for better vision as well as defense. _

"_Jack" he speaks out loud. No answer. "Jack!" he now screams. Nothing. He feels his heart beat speeding up, adrenaline being produced by the second. He knows he's afraid. And then he hears that god-awful familiar sound: a low, deep, heavy pounding. Like a giant elephant stepping through the jungle. He doesn't know what it is, but he knows what it looks like. And he knows it kills. That dark black smoke. He turns towards where he thinks their camp will be and runs. _

**London, middle of the night**

A loud ringing noise filled the bedroom. It took him a few moments to fully wake up. He leaned over and moved his end to the other side of the bed. She was right there, stirring in her sleep. He felt relieved. He was home, not on the island. It was just a dream.

He turned around, towards his bedside table. His alarm clock read 2.14 AM. Who would call at this ridiculous hour? His hand reached for the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello?" An anxious male voice. "Mr. Hume?"

"Yes." Desmond pushed back the blanket, got up and walked out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. Best to let Penny sleep.

"Who's this?"

"My name is David Reyes. Are you Desmond Hume?"

"Yes I am… how can I help you? It is the middle of the night here."

Desmond heard a woman's voice in the back. "Is it him? Is it the right one?" The man shushed her, mumbling back "Carmen. Please, let me talk to him."

He then seemed to turn his attention back to the phone call. "I am sorry for the late hour sir. I have to say, I didn't realize. I just … wanted to talk to you as soon as possible." The man paused for a few seconds. "As I said my name is David Reyes. I am Hugo Reyes' father. Hurley? I think you know him?"

_No! _That was Desmond's first thought. It had only been a few weeks since he had been standing in Eloise Hawking's 'office' with his previous fellow castaways. They had been determined to return to the island, for whatever reason. Desmond had refused. Days later a plane had crashed. _Their plane_. It was never found, just like Oceanic 815.

_No! _Whatever reason this man had for calling him… it had to do with the island. Desmond knew that instantly.

"Yes I know Hurley. Or I _knew _him."

"You were on that island with him?"

"Why are you calling me, Mr. Reyes?" Desmond asked without answering.

He heard a loud sigh. "I spoke to my son two weeks ago. He told me he is on that island again. He told me to get help. He gave me a name: a lady called Eloise Hawking. He said she could help them get off the island. He said she could get my son back home. I … spoke to her. She refused to help me."

Desmond remained silent. He felt a headache coming up.

"She told me that the only way to get to the island was if someone who had been there before was willing to go."

The headache was getting worse.

"She has been there before, Mr. Reyes."

"She said she can't leave. I didn't really understand her all that well to be honest. She said something about having to watch a station. She gave me your name."

_She gave me your name_. The headache had now spread to the inside of his ears and all he could hear was loud banging, like being next to speakers during a rock concert. Desmond put down the phone on the kitchen counter and placed his hands over his ears.

After a few minutes he heard a distant voice. This guy was still there. "Mr. Hume? Mr. Hume?! Please. That is my son out there. That is my son." Desmond reached for the phone and placed it next to his right ear again. He could tell Hurley's father was on the verge of tears.

"Mr. Reyes" he managed to say. "It is the middle of the night here. Let me get back to bed. I will talk to my wife in the morning and we will think things over. I will be in touch." He tried to sound as calm as possible. His response seemed to calm down Hurley's dad. He wrote down Reyes' number.

Desmond hung up the phone and the only thing crossing his mind was _I need to change this number. _He walked to the window to look outside. Everyone in his London neighborhood was vast asleep and within minutes the phone call seemed almost too unrealistic to actually have happened. He was here, with his wife and son. His pounding head quieted down and he returned to bed.

* * *

**On the island**

"We need to go look for Richard." Juliet had dodged the bullet and shared her ideas with their group. They were having an official 'meeting' and were sitting in a small circle close to their kitchen.

"We've been all over the island Juliet" Jin looked at his friend. He was not eager at all to move.

"Well, then we look again." Sawyer turned his head towards Jin. He felt calm and confident. He had been building his patience skills for the past three years, holding onto the idea that 'they would come back'. He had continued their grid search, day after day, throughout their stay with the Dharma Initiative. And guess what happened. They CAME BACK, eventually. He hadn't given up then, he sure as hell wouldn't give up now. If Richard could be of any help, he would find out. He and Juliet would just have to convince them all slowly.

"What can Richard do?" Jack asked.

"Don't know. Maybe not much. But he will know who is still on the island." Sawyer answered.

Juliet rubbed her eyebrows. The idea of leaving the beach to look for Richard was not being received warmly by her fellow group members (apart from James). They all seemed reluctant to leave the camp in case of rescue. Even Miles, who was all better now and usually in for an adventure, shook his head in disapproval.

"What if it didn't work?" Juliet wanted to wake them up. _It's been four weeks people! _"Maybe it didn't work. Maybe your father can't find Eloise." Her eyes met Hurley's and she quickly looked at the ground. Had she just taken all his hope away? A few minutes passed. Juliet felt almost guilty for bringing this up. The overall good mood that had dominated their camp seemed to have disappeared completely. She had to push this though, and added, almost whispering "I just want to know how long we are going to just sit here and wait."

Frank suggested they could split. Some could remain here, while others went out and searched the jungle.

"How about going back to the other island and try that phone again" Miles suggested.

"You eager to get shot again, Enos?"

Miles gave Sawyer a nasty look in response. James, ignoring Miles, continued "We can search the island by grid. We start South of here, then work our way North. We do it like this we won't miss a thing." He looked directly at Jack now, almost demanding his support.

"I think we should do this" Kate pulled herself up from the sand. "Juliet is right. We can't sit here forever. We can do as Frank suggested. Split up. Some stay behind, others head off to look for Richard." _And I will find Claire. I just have to._

* * *

**London**

He hadn't said a word about his dream a week ago to Penny, or about the phone call. Almost naively he thought that by ignoring it, it would go away. They were both in the kitchen, packing boxes of food for a weekend on their boat. Sailing was the best way to get rid of stress. It would just be the three of them: Penny, Charlie and himself.

He felt Penny's hand on his shoulder. Her other hand reached for his abdomen, pulling him towards her. "You ok?"

He placed his hands over hers. "I'm fine." He then turned around to kiss her. "Let's just get our boy and take off."

Three hours later, they were set to sail. They had escaped London traffic, all their luggage was inside, and little Charlie had his life jacket on. Penny was untying the ropes while Desmond turned on the diesel engine. He would turn it off as soon as they reached open water.

Charlie walked up to him, always fascinated by his dad when he was at the helm. "Come here son. Stay close to daddy." He stroked Charlie's hair and looked up at his wife. She smiled: "All good to go Des."

Desmond could feel stress leaving his body as soon as they left the harbor. The breeze, the freshness in the air, the calming sound of the waves. It was almost like …. The beach_._ _Stop it! Stop it! _He focused on the water in front of him while keeping Charlie in sight. The next couple of days would be good. They would be worry free.

And he was worry free. The weather was beautiful, he let Charlie help him with fishing, he and Penny relaxed with a glass of wine at night, watching the sun set. Everything was good, until their second night. He dreamt again. This time there was no smoke monster and he did not go on middle of the night hikes. The dream actually didn't have that many clear images. He saw faces, all blurry and unrecognizable. Was that Jin? And the blonde woman, Juliet? Sawyer? All of a sudden there was Charlie, waving at him, screaming at him, but he couldn't make out what the guy said. Charlie kept waving, his hands high above his head. NOT PENNY'S BOAT. He himself was back. And that old feeling, so carefully boxed away for three years, washed over him. _I just want to go home. I want to go home. _That had been him back then. His hope, his despair, his longing. And now he felt the same emotions all over again, only this time they belonged to _them._

He woke up from Penny shaking his shoulder. He was breathing heavily, sweating. "Des" she sounded worried. "Des, are you allright? You are having a nightmare."

_They just want to go home. Like I did. How can I ignore that. _

He wiped his forehead. "I'm ok darling. I was dreaming about …. About the island."

**As always, to be continued. Please let me know what you think.**


	13. Foursome awkwardness

**Another chapter ready. Someone cut my internet connection (literally) so I wasn't able to upload it sooner. I wanted to put Kate, Sawyer, Jack and Juliet all together for a change :)**

* * *

Jack had been the last one to volunteer for their first 'grid search', as Sawyer called it. He still wasn't convinced about the whole idea to locate Richard, but Kate seemed eager to go. He knew she probably had ulterior motives to join this hike and he felt the need to protect her. Besides: maybe, just maybe, they would find an opportunity to talk. To really talk, without the island or her Claire mission or his own impulses getting in the way.

They left Miles, Jin, Sun and Hurley at their camp after agreeing that they would be back in three days at the most. If anything happened at the beach before that (_if rescue would come_), the 'beach crew' would just hold tight and wait for them to return. Jack did not miss the talk Miles and Sawyer had. Even though he couldn't hear their exact words, he could tell Sawyer wanted his friend to come along instead of Jack. But Miles declined the invite. Sawyer grumbled in his old Sawyer-like fashion.

So they left: Jack, Kate, Juliet and Sawyer. The first hour of hiking was spent with Sawyer sharing all his encounters with Richard back in Dharma days, including the one where he and Kate had brought young Ben to him. He explained Richard's position or role, the way he usually dealt with conflict, and the best ways for them to get information out of him. Whenever he was unsure of specific details he asked Juliet to help him out. ("Remember that time I came home after the incident with Jerry? What was it that we offered Richard that time? Help me out here Blondie."). The basic line of all his stories was simple though: Richard was firm, but not unfair. And he was a man of his word, most of the time. The best way to deal with him was 'give and take', negotiating. He was immune to emotions. He needed to be dealt with rationally.

Jack was impressed by Sawyer's knowledge. It was obvious that he had not landed the Head of Security job because of smooth talking. He seemed very professional and sure of his actions. Jack felt a weird streak of jealousy when it suddenly hit him that Sawyer had actually made something of his life in the past three years, whereas he himself – apart from his relationship with Kate – had only gone downhill.

They covered the distance to where they would start their search in two hours (the part closest to their camp had already been 'searched' on various other occasions). And from then on, their job was to keep eyes and ears open at all times. They couldn't afford to miss any weird sounds, tracks, broken branches, cut grass, or anything else that might indicate human life.

* * *

Sawyer put up his La Fleur Head of Security act at the beginning of their hike. He felt responsible for their plan and for the hike, but he also felt a lot more confident acting as La Fleur. And he needed that confidence because – if he was honest – he felt totally uncomfortable being out here with only Juliet, Jack and Kate. The four of them together was just too weird.

He tried to focus on Juliet and stayed right behind her those first few hours. She glanced back at him a few times and he tried to smile as relaxed as possible each of those times. At one point it got on her nerves though. They were walking a few meters behind Jack and Kate. She slowed down a bit and when they were out of hearing range, she stopped and turned, resulting in him almost bumping into her.

"What?"

She shook her head lightly. "Don't try so hard."

"What do ya mean?"

"I mean you. This. Tied to me like a … We're not Siamese twins James. You _can _actually be more than three feet away from me."

He looked at her, mouth half open.

"Well… I just… I don't know…. I'm not trying to… you know…." he paused, noticing his own mumbling. She smiled at that, turned around and continued walking.

He followed her and said in a half whispering voice. "Well don't you find this just a bit weird? Awkward?"

"What exactly? Us four in the jungle?"

"Well… yes!" he answered, relieved that she could figure out what he meant without him having to name it.

She stopped and faced him. "How is this different than us four on the beach?" she asked, slightly challenging him.

"Miles is there for one. And Jin and Sun. And Hurley's a good distraction! We just… We got other people to talk to at the beach."

"Well, maybe this is good then. We can get the awkwardness out of the way."

"Ha! So you do admit that this is awkward!" He smiled in triumph.

"You mean we all loved 'the other' person?" she asked, not buying into his 'you know I'm right' grin.

"What?! Now let's not exaggerate Blondie. We didn't all love the Other person back then." He grinned at his own joke, but she didn't seem amused. He continued: "You sayin' you loved Jack then?"

"We've been over this before James. No."

"But you thought he was hot?"

"Seriously. Why are we having this conversation?"

"Because this is awkward. At least I think it is. Why don't you?"

She looked at him calmly and put all the facts out there. "You slept with Kate, I kissed Jack. They were engaged, we're together. And we're stuck on an island, so none of us can escape each other. I'd say that's better than any soap opera."

"So you _are_ admitting this is awkward?" He repeated and tilted his head, not wanting to be the only one feeling like this. _Admit it, just admit it._

"OK, fine. Yes. It's slightly awkward. Happy?"

He was and flashed his dimpled smile. She smiled back. "Now give me some room, ok?"

* * *

They searched Sawyer's first grid that day and did find some signs of life after a few hours: a fire pit and a few dead patches of grass, like something heavy had been placed there for a long time. But the spots were old, probably several weeks or even months. There was a clear stream nearby. Sawyer called it a day and suggested they'd make camp here for the night.

Juliet was sitting by the creek. She had taken off her shoes and had her feet in the water. After a day of hiking it felt like a blessing to just be able to rest like this. A blister had formed on one side of her left foot and the coolness of the water eased the burning sensation a bit. She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Jack standing there.

"Mind if I join you?"

She pointed at the empty spot next to her as an OK. Jack lowered himself and followed her example: he took of his shoes and place his feet in the creek.

"You think that old fire pit belonged to Richard and his people?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'm not sure who else is here." She placed her hands behind her and leaned back a bit, taking in a deep breath of fresh air.

Jack leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I want to apologize to you." he turned his head to her.

"What for this time?" She looked back at him, remembering their conversation at the beach a few weeks back.

"I know I promised I would get you off the island."

"I think you made that promise to a lot of people Jack." Her voice sounded harsh.

It took Jack a minute to come up with a reply. And before he could say anything she continued "There was only one chopper."

"That's not the point Juliet."

"Then what is?" It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement. Juliet's life had been so characterized by unpredictable craziness that only the bare facts could make some sense to her. If she had to consider everyone's personal motives for their actions, then she had a few others to think over before Jack's: Ben's, John Locke's.

"I should have kept my promise."

"Maybe you should make fewer promises."

Jack stared at her, trying to figure out if she was still blaming him, but her face was blank. He changed the subject. "Remember that hike we went on to stop Daniel Faraday and that woman. What's her name?"

"Charlotte."

"Yes, Charlotte….. You said something about me not wanting to see your file…Do you remember that?"

"Yes I remember. Why do you ask?"

He smiled weakly, obviously trying to connect with her. "I was just thinking. I actually don't know very much about you. I mean, I didn't even know you were from Miami until Sawyer mentioned it the other day."

Juliet – happy that the subject of Jack's broken promise was off the table – replied with a softer voice this time. "What do you want to know?"

"I don't know… How did you even get here?"

"I was offered a job. It turned out to be on the island of doom." She shook her head while saying that but couldn't help smiling. Her coming here was so long ago now that hearing herself talking about it almost felt bizarre. Like she was describing somebody else's life, not her own. She looked at Jack. "It was actually Richard who contacted me. Of course I didn't know who he was back then. He presented it as a fancy research position with incredible financial resources. And it was an opportunity to get away from my husband."

"You were married!?"

She grinned now. "I was. Does that surprise you?"

Jack just shook his head, smiling too now.

"I was actually already divorced. But we were still working together. And well… he wasn't very nice to put it mildly."

Jack nodded, trying to picture her with a husband, trying to picture her in a pre-island life.

"Do you have family?"

"I have a sister."

"Where is she now?"

This was _not _a happy change of subject. She could talk about Edmund, medical school, Miami, her work right after she came here. But Rachel was still a painful topic. "I don't know Jack. Last time I checked Miami. But we don't exactly talk much." She put her right hand in the creek and then placed a wet hand on her forehead. It felt nice and calming. Her eyes met Jack's. "I'm sorry. My sister is just not a happy topic." She moved her cool hand to the back of her neck. "I haven't spoken to her in six years."

"I'm sorry too. You could have been at home if I had handled things differently. "

"You've got to stop thinking like that. There are other forces at work in this place. Besides, I have a lot of things in my life now that I am very grateful for. I'm happy Jack. I was on my own. And now I'm not."

"You mean Sawyer."

"Yes" she said firmly, as if to add weight to that answer. "I mean James. But Miles and Jin too. I love those guys. We've become like family." She lifted her feet out of the water. "Don't blame yourself for everything Jack." And with that she lifted herself from the ground and grabbed her shoes. "Let's head back and have some diner. What do you say?"

* * *

For all of them, it had been a while since they had spent a night outside. For Kate and Sawyer several weeks; for Jack and Juliet even longer than that. The lack of privacy was bothering all four of them. Sawyer and Juliet were so used to their private time together before going to sleep. Now they felt 'watched'. What to do? Sleep the way they always did, holding each other? They would have to skip their 'evaluation of the day' for sure (usually filled with the best recent anecdotes of their bizarre lives). No books, definitely no sex. How about goodnight kisses?

Kate and Jack hadn't slept this close to each other since that night back in Los Angeles, when she told him she had given up on Aaron and was going back with him to the island. That night was in different ways a painful memory for both of them. Kate had lost her child. Jack had lost Kate. He had known that back then already but the fact that they had slept together that night had made it even clearer to him what he'd lost.

So they all ended up putting the 'going to sleep' of as long as possible. Instead they just stared into the fire.

"That's it. I'm going to sleep" Juliet stated after a while. She had been yawning for a good 30 minutes now and felt exhausted. She looked over at Sawyer before lying down.

"Yeah, goodnight guys." Jack, on the opposite end of their fire, also called it a day. They needed rest. Tomorrow would probably be another long day of hiking.

Sawyer looked over at Juliet, who had turned her back towards him. She mostly slept that way, on her left side. _Ah, fuck this. _If he wanted to shake of this annoying awkward feeling, the best thing t do was to just act as normal as possible. And since they always went to bed together, her call was his call. "Night Kate."

He lowered himself next to Juliet, placed his elbow in the grass and let his head rest in his hand. With his right hand he pushed back her hair from her neck. He lowered his mouth to her ear and whispered "Should I just do what I always do before we go to sleep?"

She shifted to look at him. "And what might that be?" she whispered back.

"Ouch, Blondie."

She giggled, then reached for his cheek with her hand and pulled him in for a quick kiss. "Goodnight James."

"Mmmm…" he put his hand behind her neck, keeping her close. _Fuck them. _He needed a long, very long goodnight kiss to compensate for this long, very long heavy day. She kissed him back, forgetting for a few seconds that they were not alone. But when a light moan escaped her throat she pulled back, suddenly embarrassed. He grinned. "Goodnight sweetheart."

* * *

Kate woke early the next day. Her neck felt stiff and her arm bruised. She sat up and rubbed her eyes with one hand. It wasn't completely light yet but she could make out the shapes of the three people around her. To her left was Jack. He looked peaceful, and she remembered staring at that sleeping face many times. She resisted the urge to touch him. _I miss you. _She looked over at the other side of their fire pit. There were Sawyer and Juliet. Juliet seemed glued with her back to Sawyer's chest; his arm was firmly placed around her, her hand on top of his. His face was half buried in Juliet's hair. _I miss you too. _And in that moment she felt totally and completely alone.


	14. Meeting Richard

**Another chapter is up, and it's a bit longer than the previous ones. I wanted to write a chapter from mainly Juliet's point of view. I tend to choose Sawyer's perspective a lot and wanted to try something different. Sorry if all these chapters are messy with different POV's. I'm just writing whatever comes to mind :)**

* * *

To search the beach area or not, that was the issue. Juliet and Sawyer had been debating on this for over half an hour. He said it was a waste of time, she said being thorough was more important than being fast. He said he knew the island better and had been in this area more. She said _Mr. LaFleur_ was too full of himself.

"Who has been here longer now?" She raised her eyebrows while asking.

He shook his head in response. She always asked that question when she wanted to beat him on an island-related issue.

"Spending all your time in Dharma Ville doesn't make you an expert, Blondie."

Now, _he _always replied like _that_. This type of argument had almost become a standard routine between the two of them. Only this time, something a bit more serious was at stake. Richard, to Sawyer's knowledge, had never stayed close to the ocean. His camps had always been more inland. But Juliet did not want to risk it. Modern Richard might be less predictable than 70s Richard. It would mean a few extra hours of hiking, but it would make their search a thorough one.

"True. And guess who was in _Dharma Ville _with me most of the time? For _three years_." She smirked. "All your talks with Richard don't match up to how many times I met him." James sighed and she could tell she'd just beaten him.

So on day two, instead of entering the second grid from the jungle side, they proceeded to the edge of the island. The deal the four of them had made was to let Sawyer and Juliet do the talking if (Sawyer's word) or when (Juliet's word) they would find Richard. They would not mention Hurley's phone call. They would focus on finding out if Richard was somehow still in touch with the main land and if he had any means of getting people on and off the island with the sub gone.

However, as they moved away from the jungle, the old signs of life disappeared and for a few hours they thought the idea to search the beach area might have been a bad one. Jack questioned the plan and in return James snapped at him several times. "You don't know anything about Richard, Doc. So keep you wise ass mouth shut will ya?" Juliet rolled her eyes (though it was nice that he backed up her idea now), Kate shook her head. Would these two guys ever stop being competitive? But as luck (or fate) would have it, they started noticing little things again about an hour from the beach: trees missing their fruits, footprints, a forgotten T-shirt. Sawyer moved up in front and signaled to the rest to keep quiet. He looked at Juliet and nodded, a silent way of saying thank you.

They slowly proceeded, trying to move as quiet as possible. There was a noise to the left and they all froze. Three birds escaped one of the nearby bushes, alarmed by their presence. Juliet sighed in relief. Why was she so nervous? Things would be fine. They continued walking. After a few minutes, there was a sudden clicking sound behind her. She stopped instantly and turned around. A rifle was pointed at her, and when she moved her eyes to the left, there were two more guns. They were held by two men and one woman. Juliet recognized the woman instantly from her Other's time. The two men she had never seen before.

"Julie?" the woman asked, looking at Juliet like she'd just seen a ghost.

"Hi Debrah."

The woman put down her gun and walked towards her. Debrah had been one of the people mostly working at the Hydra station when Ben called the shots. She had been a colleague, but never a friend.

"What are you doing here?" Debrah asked while looking at Sawyer, Kate and Jack. Juliet could tell she recognized them as the people they had held captive three years ago. It obviously made her uncomfortable. "What are you doing here… _with them?_"

"I'm looking for Richard. Do you know if he is still here?"

Debrah looked at her again, hesitating before answering. "What do you want with Richard?"

"I just want to talk to him. He'll want to talk to me." She intentionally chose the word _I _over _we._ There was no need in stressing Debrah any more by informing her about the relationships in their little group. This woman probably didn't know anything about time-travel or the crashed Ajira plane. Too much information could freak her out.

Debrah walked towards the other two men, who both still had their guns pointed at them, and they spoke in low voices. Then she approached Juliet again. "You can come with me, but they stay here with them." She pointed her head at Sawyer, Jack and Kate.

Sawyer was about to publicly disagree with this arrangement but Juliet sent him a warning look. And she left with Debrah and her rifle right next to her.

* * *

The two women did not speak much as they headed further into the direction of the ocean. After about twenty minutes Juliet could hear other people talking, laughing. And out of nowhere, tents appeared, fire pits, life. As Juliet and Debrah entered the camp, most people stopped doing what they were doing and stared at them. Juliet recognized some of them, but not all. Several people mumbled her name and Debrah asked a boy standing close by to get Richard. Even though Debrah had lowered her gun, Juliet didn't feel comfortable. Half the people here knew her, but there were no signs of any friendliness. Did they still consider her a traitor?

After a few minutes she noticed Richard walking towards them. He looked at her and smiled politely. When he was close enough he greeted her.

"Juliet. This is an unexpected surprise." He didn't look at all surprised to see her though. Curious, but not surprised. Did he know about what had happened?

"Hi Richard."

"To what do I owe this visit?" Richard looked at her, not blinking once.

"I'd like to talk to you." She looked over at Debrah and some other people standing close by, then added "Alone."

"Of course. We can talk in my tent." He stepped aside and with his hand invited her to walk along with him. Juliet ignored Debrah's mean glare and looked around. Richard's camp seemed pretty well built, definitely not a short term location. There were about 15 tents, with several large fire pits, an open space meeting place (or that's what it looked like) and a kitchen. Pretty much like their beach camp, only better constructed. Juliet counted 22 people, but there could be more. Richard stopped at one of the tents and held it open for his visitor. She entered and sat down on a tree trunk that functioned as a chair. Richard closed the tent behind them and she had to let her eyes get used to the sudden darkness for a few seconds.

"Well I guess this solves the mystery of your disappearance 30 years ago." Richard sat down next to her.

"You know what happened at the Swan Hatch?" Juliet asked.

"I know there was an explosion. I heard you all died. But I guess that's not exactly what happened since you are here now." He paused for a second; then continued. "Are you alone?"

"No." Juliet - unsure whether he was asking if they all flashed back in time together or if there was anyone with her _now_ - was careful to hand him any information unless absolutely necessary. "James, Jack and Kate are close by. They are being watched by two of your men." He would find out about that with or without her telling him.

"I'm sorry about that. You have to forgive them. They only know them as survivors of Oceanic 815. And that does not bring back happy memories."

"How many people are still here?"

"We live here with 29 people. Three years ago there were 54 of us. But we lost many after the flash. I guess they made the same journey you did. The rest of us remained here."

"Do you still have contact with the main land?" Juliet asked.

"No. Not since Ben left."

"Has anyone been looking for you? Has anyone come to the island?"

"The island is difficult to find Juliet."

"I know." She sighed, working up the courage to ask the big question. "You made me come here more than six years ago Richard. Ben is the one who kept me here. He's … no longer here. If there is any way to get off this island, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me". _I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me. _That sounded absolutely ridiculous. If he knew of a way to leave this place, she would pretty much do anything to pull that information out of him. But she remained calm and only added "I would really like to go home now."

He wasn't looking at her, but she noticed he was smiling.

"Mind if I ask what's so funny?" She tried not to sound irritated.

He shook his head. "It's just… Do you know why I kept following you with that job offer six years ago?"

"Because you had heard about my research?"

"No. Well yes, of course. But there are more experts in your field. It's not why I chose you."

"Then why?"

He stared at her "Because I _knew _you. I had met you before. I had met you here, on the island. You were a member of the Dharma Initiative. And now here was a file in my hands of a fertility specialist, a young woman by the name of Dr. Burke."

Juliet's throat suddenly felt dry. And she knew what he was going to say next. _Whatever happened, happened. _

"There was a picture of you in your file. And it was like the pieces fell into place. I knew you would accept the offer eventually. I knew you had to come here. There was no other option."

She felt light headed and put her hands next to her for extra support. The air in the tent felt hot and she wished they had been talking outside instead of here.

"Did you kill Edmund?" she whispered.

"Your ex-husband? Yes. I had to. I'm sorry."

_Breathe Juliet, breathe. _She closed her eyes and focused on her breath. She heard Richard's voice "I will ask Debrah to get your friends. There's no need for them to not feel welcome." The tent opened and she heard him leave. As fresh air entered the tent through the open entrance the light headedness slowly disappeared. She brought a hand to her eyes and wiped away a tear.

* * *

Richard did not come back inside to talk to her. She was alone in his tent. Images of her encounters with Richard in the 70s flashed before her eyes. Richard entering Dharma Ville after they'd first arrived, Richard talking to James while she was repairing one of the vans, Richard talking to Horace. Then there was Richard in Miami, in the hospital, in the morgue. She saw Rachel, standing next to her car, telling her 'go make us proud.' All the old pain, her time with Ben, her longing for home, being away from her sister, Goodwin's death… All those memories were being revived by what Richard had just said. She straightened her back and breathed in deeply. This was not the time or the place to feel all this again. She lifted herself from the 'chair', walked to the entrance of the tent for some extra fresh air, and sat down again. _Breathe Juliet, breathe. _

After what seemed an incredibly long time, she heard footsteps approaching followed by Richard's voice. "James. Or should I say LaFleur?"

"James will do Richard."

_He's here. _Juliet relaxed at the sound of Sawyer's voice. "Where is she?" she heard him ask.

"Inside. Jack. Kate. How are you?" She heard Jack greeting Richard. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was James.

"You OK?"

She half turned around. "Yeah." He looked at her, slightly worried. But before she could tell him more, Richard, Kate and Jack entered the tent.

"I'm sorry not to have given you a warmer welcome" Richard started.

Sawyer regrouped himself. "That's allright. Mind filling us in on what's been happening here?" He looked at Richard.

"Not much. We've been waiting for you."

That was obviously not true, but she kept quiet. She relaxed her face, and when Sawyer looked at her she was back in control of her emotions again. He looked back at Richard. "I will cut to the chase" he began.

Richard smiled. "I remember that being your style."

"Well. I figure we can chit chat with a beer later if ya have any. But first things first. We jumped back in time a few weeks back. Or… forward. Depends on how you look at it. We know the Flame's gone, the sub's blown to pieces, and Dharma Ville's a ghost town. We wanna know if there is a way off this rock."

"As I told Juliet, we haven't had communication with the main land in the past three years. And no one has come here. Apart from your people that is." He looked at Kate and Jack.

"Which means someone knows the trick on how to get back." Sawyer continued.

"I'm sure you know about the Dharma Station guarded by Eloise Hawking." Jack interfered. Sawyer turned his head, eyes squeezed. _Lemme do the talking damnit. _Jack ignored him.

"You came here with Eloise's help? That surprises me. She generally only helps people she knows and trusts."

"Like you." Juliet mumbled.

Richard looked at her for a few seconds. "Exactly. She is the link to this place."

"Eloise didn't help us. She helped _Ben._" Jack continued. "Ben said we all had to come back. Why?"

"If you haven't figured that out by now Jack, there is no point in me telling you."

Eager to shut up Jack, Sawyer jumped back in. "Listen Richard. Your buddy Ben fed these two here a story that they all _had _to come back with him. If that was to drop the hydrogen bomb into a pit hole, then consider it _mission accomplished. _The job's done."

A hint of surprise flickered in Richard's eyes. But his face went back to blank calmness in a mere second. _The 'Others' face._

"Ben came back too?"

"Ben's dead."

"How about John Locke?" Richard continued.

Sawyer sighed. "Locke's dead too."

That news seemed to shock Richard. The calm face disappeared and Juliet noticed something different: Confusion? Guilt?

Sawyer sighed. "Look. We just want to know if there is a way we can contact your lady friend. And feed her a name that she can work with."

"What you want is impossible James."

"Listen…" Sawyer found his LaFleur voice. No one was going to tell them that this was impossible. Not even Richard. "I know you've been here for freakin' eternity. That doesn't mean you have all the right answers." Juliet squeezed his hand and gave him the _Calm Down _look.

"You are right James. I don't have all the answers. And I _have _been here for much longer than any of you. And believe it or not, I can't help you. We haven't had communication with the main land in over three years. But even if we did… You just told me Ben Linus is dead. He was one of the few people Eloise did trust. So who is left? Eloise herself, Charles Whitmore? You expect them to come and rescue you? Why would they care?"

Sawyer, surprised by this little monologue, remained silent. He looked over at Juliet, who was staring at the space between her feet. "So all we can do is just sit here and do nothing" she said, more to herself than to anyone around her.

Richard was not a bad man. He might have done some bad things, but he had never been the master brain behind it all. And she knew he was telling the truth. She had even noticed something totally new today: Richard felt trapped too. She heard James clear his throat. There was no point in carrying on with this conversation.

"We're staying at the old crash site in case you need us." Sawyer said.

"I already know that James. I have people watching you."

Sawyer answered "I should've known."

_There_, Juliet thought. _He knew we were here. _No wonder he wasn't more surprised to see her.

As they walked away Richard called out after them "James." Sawyer turned around. "Don't do anything stupid." Richard's eyes were staring right into Sawyer's. "There's one simple rule here: the island is in charge. You can't move, unless it allows you to."

* * *

They took their time heading back to the beach. Finding Richard might have been surprisingly easy; the outcome of their meeting was a disappointment. The waiting game now seemed to be their only option, unless there was something Richard was hiding. And it didn't seem like he was.

Sawyer walked right behind Juliet again. Not out of awkwardness this time. She could tell he was keeping an eye on her. They passed the creek they'd camped at the first night.

"You ok Blondie?"

"I'm fine."

Well, that was a big fat lie. But she wasn't going to have this talk right now. No point in bursting into tears in the middle of the jungle in front of Jack and Kate.

"Talk to me." He wouldn't let this rest.

"What's there to talk about? We're still stuck, probably always will be."

"Hé" he grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop.

She turned but didn't look at him. Instead she stared right passed him.

"Don't talk like that. Maybe we can get Richard to come with us to Hydra. Call Daniel's momma. He doesn't know about the satphone yet."

"Don't YOU talk like that. I'm done making plans James. They Never Work." She looked at him now, eyes staring daggers.

He sighed. "Let's take a break. Guys!" He yelled out to Jack and Kate. "Let's take a break ok? Half hour or so."

No. Juliet looked up at him. "I think we should just keep going."

"Well, you're out of luck. We're taking a break. Now can we talk about this?"

She shook her head, and then looked down. She was tapping her right heel on the ground, restless. She didn't like the fact that he was pushing her and took her time before answering. Finally she looked up at him and said with a smaller voice than intended. "I did it again James." She frowned and sniffed. "I let myself have hope again. I let myself…again. And it didn't happen … again!" The first tear rolled down her cheek and she forcefully rubbed it off. She turned her head away from him and continued. "I'm never getting of this island. I'm never going home." She smiled, almost sarcastically at her own naivety. "You think I would've learned by now. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid." More tears fell.

"Hé." He reached for her cheek with his hand but kept silent. She looked up and could tell he wanted to say something to make her feel better. _Please don't say anything._ He kept quiet.

She lowered herself to the ground in the middle of the path. She was tired and needed to sit. He sat down next to her, looking at her patiently, waiting for whatever more she had to say. She pulled her knees under her and rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. "You remember I told you Richard was the one getting me to the island?"

"Sure yeah."

"He told me that the reason he was so persistent was that he already knew I was going to accept his job offer."

"What? He can tell the future now?"

"No. He can tell the past." She could see he was puzzled for a few seconds but then it hit him too.

"He _knew _me" she whispered.

He put his hand over hers and shook his head. "If Danny boy was still here I would tell him to stick his theory up his ass and come up with a better one."

She smiled at that but the sad face reappeared almost immediately again. "Richard killed Edmund."

"He admitted he killed … that guy?" he asked, still unsure how to name her ex-husband. Bastard? Scumbag?

She nodded.

"Son of a bitch. I mean, not Richard for killing that scum…I mean son of a bitch, this thing never ends, does it?"

She smiled and quoted him with a smirk "Time travel's a bitch".

"It sure is."

**That's all for now. I actually wrote the ending for this story yesterday. Now I just got to find out how to get there :)**


	15. Island hocus pocus

**As I'm writing, the island gets in the way! I just cannot seem to work around all of its mysteries, so I'm taking on some of them. Anyway, life's pretty crazy right now but I'll keep trying to update every week or so. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

"Damn you man." Miles turned over the board in one aggressive movement, his ego bruised once again by his new friend.

"Sorry dude. Told you I'm good at this stuff." Hurley smiled and moved his eyes from Miles' frustrated face to their now upside down improvised checkers board.

"Is there any game you're not good at?" Miles grumbled as he stretched his legs.

"Don't think so. It was pretty much all I did in the mental hospital."

"Thought the nuthouse was supposed to be about playing mind games, not _board games._"

"You'd be surprised."

Miles, while thinking over his next rude or sarcastic comment to compensate for his fifth loss in a row, raised his head and let his eyes wander along the shore. He could see from the corner of his eyes that Hurley was still grinning like a victorious idiot. He stared right passed his new friend to avoid any further embarrassment. His eyes fixated on the trees behind the kitchen. "What the…"

Hurley shifted a bit to look into the direction Miles was staring at. "Dudes!" he exclaimed while his grin now turned into an excited smile. "You're back!" But then his smile faded and confusion showed on his face. "Uh, what the…" he said, copying Miles.

Their friends were back. Alive and well. All of them. But they weren't alone.

* * *

_Earlier…_

They were still a good two hours from their camp when Juliet increased her pace to catch up with Sawyer in front.

"We're being followed" she half whispered.

He looked at her, squeezing his eyes. She tilted her head a little bit to the left to indicate where she thought their silent pursuer was. Sawyer stopped walking and signaled to Jack and Kate to stop as well and stay silent. They looked at him slightly confused. Kate mimicked 'What?'.

Juliet scanned the nearby bushes, looking for any movement. There was nothing. She looked at Sawyer and moved her eyes from his face to the bushes and back. _Let's check this out. _He nodded and they both slowly walked over to the thicket. Sawyer approached from the left, Juliet from the right, forming a circle together so that – if anyone was there – it would be difficult for that person to get away. But before they had even reached the bushes, a young (and somewhat bewildered looking) woman stepped out towards Sawyer.

"I guess you caught me."

Juliet could only see her back: messy blonde hair, dirty old clothes. But something in her voice sounded familiar. And when she looked up at Sawyer, Jack and Kate, all three of them were staring like they'd just seen another polar bear. Jack and Sawyer had their mouths half open, speechless. Kate looked emotional; like she was about to burst into tears.

"Claire?" she stammered, while approaching their visitor.

_Claire?! _Juliet met James' eyes. He was giving her his 'what the hell?' look.

"Hi Kate."

Kate actually was crying by now and she walked up to Claire quickly, stopped right in front of her, then hugged her tightly.

"I… I can't believe you're here." Claire didn't answer.

Jack walked up to the two women and produced a confused smile. Sawyer, not having any idea how to greet a long lost fellow plane crash survivor, couldn't come up with anything better than just shaking Claire's hand. Juliet walked up to them and when Claire turned to face her she noticed big black shadows underneath the girl's eyes. She looked exhausted.

After the first shock had passed, Jack asked Claire where she'd been. As it turned out, Claire had been staying with Richard for the past two years. She didn't share many details with them, but it was clear she hadn't jumped through time like the rest of them. "Where were you before you joined Richard's camp?" Juliet asked. "It's been over three years since any of us have seen you."

"On my own."

Sawyer looked at Claire with suspicion. There was something _off _with her. She seemed calm, too calm. Almost like she was playing games with them. Who knows, for all he knew Richard could have sent her after them as his personal spy.

"What do ya mean on your own?"

"I mean: On My Own. Alone, since you all left."

Claire looked him directly in the eye and it gave him the creeps. Icy glare. _Seriously? _Had she turned into one of those creepy Others? He felt immediately guilty and looked at Juliet. She looked back at him and he could tell she was thrown off by Claire's calm exterior as well. He couldn't help thinking that maybe now she would get how those icy looks she threw his way whenever something was seriously wrong between them made him feel. He dismissed the thought however as a familiar yet uncomfortable feeling grew in his stomach. Mistrust. _Be on your guard._

Kate and Jack didn't seem to feel uncomfortable at all though. They were happy, almost joyous. Claire let it happen, even though not a single smile escaped her face.

"So why are you followin' us Claire?" Sawyer needed more information.

"I want to come with you to the beach" was her simple reply.

"Richard's gonna know you're gone Claire. There's nothing at the beach for ya."

Kate gave Sawyer an angry look. "She can come if she wants to."

"That ain't your decision to make Kate."

"It isn't yours either Sawyer."

He felt Juliet's hand on his shoulder. "Richard knows where we're staying James. So does Claire. And it's getting late. Let's talk about this at camp." Sawyer sighed as he always did when he knew she was right. The uncomfortable feeling didn't fade though.

* * *

_At camp_

They were all sitting in a circle, apart from Hurley who had volunteered to keep Claire company (or: watch her) at the other end of their camp. The sun was setting but nobody had bothered to build a fire yet. They were all too preoccupied with Claire's reappearance.

"We can't tell her about the plane." Sawyer stated. They had been back two hours now and his gut feeling still told him not to trust the girl. She acted weird and looked bewildered.

"Why not?" Kate objected. "She can leave the island with us."

Miles looked up and raised his hand, like a school boy asking for permission to speak in class. "Hate to break it to you all. But last time I checked, we weren't leaving."

"I agree with Sawyer, Kate" Jack interfered, ignoring Miles. Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"

"Because it has been a long time since we've last seen Claire. We don't know what happened to her after we left. We don't know what she's been through."

Kate had to object. Her only reason for coming back here was now sitting 30 meters away from her. Claire belonged with her son.

"Kate…" Juliet's calm voice. "James and Jack are right. Why don't we find out more about her first? We can always tell her later if it turns out we can trust her."

"Can someone tell me _why _we are making such a big deal out of this?" Miles was shaking his head by now, clearly annoyed. "Have I missed something? Cause I'm pretty sure the plane _I saw _was dead in its tracks. And as far as the phone goes… can't we just conclude that that didn't work?"

"You don't know that Miles." Kate looked at him. He stared right back at her. "It's been weeks Kate. Do your math. It's pointless to…"

Miles stopped talking as Hurley approached with Claire. "It's getting a little dark guys. Any chance you all can postpone the debate till morning and we can have some diner?" He hinted towards the empty fire pit.

"I agree with Hurley. Frank and I have been fishing all day. If someone builds a fire, we can go and prepare them" Jin contributed. He rose from the ground and looked over at Frank. The pilot nodded. "Sure thing buddy."

* * *

"I don't trust her." Sawyer was lying on his back in their tent, his arms tugged behind his head.

"Of course you don't. She's an Other." Juliet was undressing herself to go to sleep.

"That doesn't bother you?"

"What exactly? That she's an Other or that you don't trust Others?"

"What?" He lifted himself onto his elbows. "You're not with them anymore. Haven't been for a long time."

"That's not the point James. You can't automatically distrust people just because you label them as one of _them_. Not everyone you call an Other is bad. Or untrustworthy for that matter."

"Are you picking a fight with me Blondie?"

She sighed while folding her jeans. "I just think we shouldn't judge only because she came from Richard's camp. We don't know what she has been through."

He sat up straight now and started unbuttoning his own jeans.

"I need you to keep your cool James." She whispered while touching his shoulder. He placed a hand over hers and turned to face her. When she was this close he could still see her eyes clearly, despite the fact that it was dark outside.

"What are you thinkin'?" he whispered back.

"I'm not sure." She crawled onto his lap and put her arms around his neck. "I just have this feeling something's about to happen."

He pushed a stray of her hair behind her ear. She lowered her head and rested it on his shoulder.

* * *

Jack, Sawyer, Juliet, Kate and Hurley were all in the kitchen – preparing breakfast or already washing up – when Claire walked up to them.

"I overheard some of your conversations with Richard. I was in the tent next to his." she started out of the blue. Claire looked at Jack and continued. "You asked why Ben told you that you all had to come back. I can tell you why."

"Why?"

Everyone stopped doing what they were doing and looked at Claire.

"Does the name _Jacob _mean anything to you?"

Hurley's eyes grew big. Juliet squeezed her eyebrows at Sawyer.

"I've heard that name, yes. But I'm not sure I believe that he actually exists."

Claire produced a small smile. The first smile they'd seen from her since their reunion. And it was a cynical one. "Oh, you better believe it." Everyone was staring at her now, waiting for her to go on.

"Jacob's very real. He runs this place. Richard is his advisor." Sawyer quickly glanced over at Juliet, since this was what Ben had always told her back in the day. Since she had never seen Jacob (or heard Richard talk about him), she had never believed any of Ben's stories. And neither had Sawyer.

"The reason you are all here is because Jacob is looking for someone to take over from him. He's been testing you. To see if you are capable of doing it."

"Doing what?" Jack asked.

"Run the island."

Sawyer laughed out loud. The chick was crazy for real. "That's the craziest hocus pocus I've ever heard."

"It's true." Claire snapped at Sawyer.

"Whatever you say cave woman. Suppose it is true… Then how come some of us managed to leave, huh?"

"I don't know. Does it matter? You're all back here anyway."

Sawyer didn't know what to say to that.

"What if we want to leave again?" Juliet now asked.

"Jacob won't let you."

"What can Jacob do?"

"He can do anything. He can have rescue never come here. He can have rescue shipwreck here. He can make planes crash. He can do whatever."

Claire looked so serious, to the point where she was almost believable. Kate was staring at her feet. Jack was rubbing his eye brows. Jin and Sun had walked up to them to listen in on what was going on.

Hurley, confused, thought about that time in the jungle where he had continuously run into Jacob's cabin. He never told anyone about that, since he thought he was hallucinating at the time. But maybe it hadn't been his mind playing tricks on him. Maybe Jacob was real. Suddenly he really, truly hoped Jacob was real. "Have you met Jacob?" he asked, and he looked at Claire anxiously.

"No. Richard is the only who has contact with him."

OK, that didn't help. Hurley sighed.

"But I know his brother." She continued.

"His brother?" Sawyer asked cynically. "What's his name? Let me guess: Esau? And I suppose we've just all been thrown out of the Garden of Eden cause they can't stand each other."

"I don't know his name." Claire continued, not paying attention to Sawyer's sarcasm. "But you know him too. He likes to dress up as black smoke."

Sawyer let out a loud bark. "That's it. This chick's crazy."

"James." Juliet looked at him. _What did we talk about last night?!_

"You're telling me you have never seen the black smoke?" Claire said defensively now, raising her voice.

"Of course I have. And I don't know what that is all about. But it sure as hell ain't no human being."

"Neither is Jacob."

Sawyer just gave up. This conversation was beyond bizarre.

"Then what are they?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I just know they run the island."

Juliet kept her eyes on Sawyer, who still clearly wasn't satisfied with anything they'd just heard. "So if we can't leave the island, then why did you leave your comfy camp to join us here at the beach? Cause there ain't no tickets off this rock available as you already found out yourself."

"I wanted to find out about my son."

**Can't leave Claire behind! That would be cruel. Claire was one of my favorites in the first three seasons. Please review!**


	16. The Black Smoke returns

**Thank you for reviewing! Yes, that is the real Claire. I still thinks she's creepy, but maybe not as creepy as season 6 Claire in the series. And about the island mysteries: I'll include some of them but definitely not all (that would make this fic impossibly long!). In this chapter: the Man in Black returns ;) **

* * *

The remaining members of Oceanic Six had gathered by the shore, together with Claire. Kate had confessed that she'd taken Aaron with her on the chopper. First, Claire seemed to have been relieved. Her son was alive and healthy and, most importantly, off the island. But when Kate had shared the entire story, of herself raising Aaron (partly with Jack) and lying about his identity, Claire's relief had turned into anger. Who did Kate think she was, making decisions like that. The least she could have done was tell Aaron about his real mother. That would have been the _very least _she could have done: not to keep secrets from the boy. Claire had screamed and Kate had cried. Jack had tried to intervene and sooth things. "What do you think would have happened if we had told people who Aaron really was? He would have ended up in foster care. You would never have been able to get him back." Sun had intervened and suggested that everyone who left the island would sit down together and tell Claire the entire story. They were all part of the lie, after all. So they had gathered by the water: Sun, Hurley, Jack, Kate and Claire. Frank stayed away. He had left with them, but wasn't in any way linked to their story. Since coming back from Hydra, he tried to not get involved in discussions too much. For now, he felt most comfortable just doing the basics, making sure the camp was up and running.

"The girl's messed up man." Miles said. He had joined his old friends who were watching the little group meeting from a distance.

"She's probably been through a lot." Jin replied, defending Claire. "It's hard to be away from your child."

No one knew what to say to that. Jin had stopped talking about the possibility of seeing his daughter a while back. It was like he had given up on the idea. Even Sun coming back had a sad note to it now, since it meant that Ji Yeon was without both her parents. And that she was probably in the care of Sun's parents. Jin couldn't stand to think about his creepy mean father in law being with his daughter.

* * *

It was obvious that at one point they would have to go look up Richard again. But timing had to be right and it didn't seem wise to go there without first trying to figure out Claire. Besides, there was also the risk of annoying Richard. The guy didn't like to be bothered too much, especially not with critical questions. Things needed to be dealt with calmly and with a proper plan.

Juliet, Sawyer, Miles and Jin had been going over all the meetings they'd had with Richard over the past three (or six) years. Juliet also threw in whatever she remembered from Ben's stories. Ben had never been explicit about who or what Jacob was. She had asked him about it once. Ben had laughed at her and answered with the same exact line that Claire had used: Jacob was the leader of the island.

One particular Richard story became subject of their analysis. Miles remembered a conversation he and James had had with Horace about a year and a half into their Dharma days. Three ships had been notified on the horizon east of the island and Richard had approached Horace to discuss the issue. There had been mutual suspicion: both men thought that the ships somehow were there at hand of the other. But, as they talked, they realized that it was in both their interests to keep the island's existence and location a secret. To the DI, the island presented unique research opportunities that they wanted to keep to themselves.

Richard had kept his motives for wanting to keep other people out more private and only shared that he and his people wanted to live peaceful lives. "If the time for others to come to the island has arrived, I will know." Those had been Richard's words. Horace had worried about that statement, but Richard had assured him that he had no intention of violating their truce. When Horace had asked him what they could do to prevent the ships from actually coming to the island, Richard had simply replied with "Don't worry. Jacob will take care of it." Horace, in all his naivety, thought that Richard was probably referring to some religious figure. Who knows what type of worshipping went on in the jungle? So he never bothered to ask more about it. And the ships disappeared without ever reaching the island.

_Who the hell is Jacob? _

The more they talked, the further they seemed to move away from any possible answer. They just had to accept that they didn't know. And that the only man who probably did know was a 9 hour hike away from their camp. They had to give up trying to find possible explanations for the Jacob mystery for now. And they hadn't even started discussing that other mystery: Jacob's so-called brother (Sawyer still thought that was probably a twist in Claire's head, especially the part about the black smoke). That thing had not showed his face ever since they arrived at the beach. And no one wanted to tempt fate by discussing it openly.

* * *

Claire seemed to calm down over the next couple of days as everyone settled back into their routine again. She spent a lot of time by herself, staring at the ocean. But she would always join them for meals and – with Sun and Kate's help – had fixed her old tent. They had removed the remains of Aaron's crib and had found Charlie's ring while doing so. Claire always carried that ring with her now, rubbing it between her fingers every once in a while.

She still didn't say much about her three years on the island but she did share some hunting skills that didn't require guns. It didn't go unnoticed to anyone that Claire would probably be able to survive on her own in the jungle just fine. She was precise, had a good eye, and incredible patience. She taught them how to improvise rabbit traps and she spent a lot of time with Jin in the jungle showing him how to locate the rabbits, how to identify tracks and how to build different types of traps.

She also went on beach walks with Hurley, talking about Charlie, sharing memories. Claire told him that she'd wished Charlie had been Aaron's father. When Hurley looked at her, saying that he kind of was Aaron's father for a while, she abruptly stopped the conversation and excused herself, saying that she had another hunting appointment with Jin. She mentioned Richard a couple of times during diner, but always in a very neutral way. It wasn't clear to anyone what she really thought of him or if she trusted him.

She seemed to have accepted the ways of the island and its people. One night, when Claire had gone to bed early, Hurley said that he felt like Claire had simply given up. And they all thought 'Is that what three years of living in the jungle does to people?'

* * *

Juliet volunteered to go on one of Claire's hunting trips. She wanted to spend more time with Claire and maybe get her to talk some more. Sawyer also joined, and the four of them (Jin came, as usual) started off early on Claire's fourth day back at camp. The sun was still below the horizon but its light was already strong enough to guide them.

They walked inlands for a good hour to an area where Jin and Claire had placed some traps. It was very humid, and the trees were overgrown with moss and other plants. As they started walking slightly uphill, they noticed rabbit holes and various animal tracks. Apparently, this spot was popular among wildlife.

Claire and Jin checked their traps. Most were still empty, but three of them had trapped a screaming, suffering rabbit. Claire released the rabbits and Jin skillfully broke their necks. James was slightly amused when Juliet looked away while Jin killed the animals.

"C'mon Blondie, you've seen far worse."

"I know. But I used to have a rabbit when I was a kid. I like rabbits. They're sweet."

He chuckled. "You've been eating dead rabbit for two days now, you do realize that right?"

"Very funny." She looked at the rabbits, then at Sawyer, and then back at the lifeless animals at Jin's feet. "A dead, skinned, roasted rabbit is not the same as a living rabbit."

"You prefer dead, roasted creatures over living ones huh? Some might call that morbid Blondie." She looked at Sawyer: _Oh j__ust shut up. _He grinned at that. Jin bent his knees to pick up the rabbits and placed them in his bag while trying to hide a smile.

Claire prepared the traps again and they moved onwards, this time focusing on the larger animal tracks around.

"How are you feeling Claire?" Juliet tried. She was walking right behind Claire and so far they hadn't really spoken much, apart from hunting talk.

Claire glanced back at her without stopping. "I'm fine." A short and polite answer.

"I'm sorry you got stuck here by yourself. That must have been hard." Juliet tried again.

"Don't feel guilty. I was protected." Claire answered this time.

"From what? By who?" _What is she talking about? _

Before Claire could answer, Juliet heard it: that awful familiar sound: the whispers. She froze for a second; then quickly turned her head around, trying to determine where _it _was. The whispers came from her left, then it was in front of her, and then all around. Adrenaline kicked in and she felt her heart race. She looked over at Sawyer and Jin who had stopped walking a couple of meters away. Both men were slowly turning around in circles, scanning the environment. Jin had his knife in his right hand.

The whispers became louder to the point where the sound hurt their ears. Then the noise suddenly faded. "Let's go back." Jin said quietly. He started walking, his knife still firmly in his hands. He passed Juliet and Claire. They all followed Jin without saying a word.

They'd only been walking back for a couple of minutes when fear kicked in again. Because there was that other, even more frightening sound: low, heavy pounding. They knew it was the Black Smoke, and they knew what it could do. "Run!" Sawyer yelled and he grabbed Juliet's hand while following Jin, who was already on the move. They ran, branches cutting their faces and arms. Jin was out of sight. Juliet looked back to see where Claire was. There was no one. _Where the hell is Claire?_

"James!" she panted. They were still running, her hand firmly in his. "Claire… Where's Claire?"

He looked back. "Jin!" Sawyer screamed now.

He heard the Korean's voice somewhere in front of them. The pounding sound was becoming louder. "Go to Jin." Sawyer told her. Juliet looked at him with startled eyes. _I'm not leaving you. _"Go to Jin, Blondie. Now!" He let go of her hand and started walking back to where they'd just ran from. Juliet wanted to follow him but she felt another hand grabbing hers, pulling her back between some trees. It was Jin. She leaned back against one of the trees, breathing heavily. Jin's hand was on her shoulder, pushing her to the tree, keeping her steady. They just stood there together. Thirty secons, one minute. The pounding sound was still all around. Suddenly there were footsteps, people walking. She turned her head and saw Claire and Sawyer approaching them. _Why aren't they running? _Then she noticed Claire's hand in Sawyer's. He was almost dragging her along. _Why isn't she running?_

Leaves and branches were flying through the air. And then it appeared: the Black Smoke, several meters high, towering over Claire and Sawyer. Claire froze. Sawyer kept pulling her hand but when she wouldn't budge he let go and started running towards Jin and Juliet, while continuously screaming "Run! Run." They didn't run however. The scene in front of them had hypnotized both Jin and Juliet. Claire was standing still, her arms hanging down, her head turned upwards to the highest point of the blackness. The smoke moved around her in quick circles and then hung still in front of her for a few seconds. It didn't move, Claire didn't move either.

Suddenly and without touching Claire, it moved onwards, to where Sawyer was. Sawyer, who was still running, looked back. A mistake, because he tripped and fell forward on his knees. The smoke reached him within seconds, picked him up from the ground and threw him back several meters. James landed hard on the ground, a sharp burning pain shot through his right arm. Somewhere far away he heard Juliet screaming. He tried to collect himself and got up. But before he was good and well back on his feet, the smoke moved in once more, picking him up and throwing him through the air again. James landed flat on his back and screamed with pain this time. His heart was racing, his head was pounding painfully. _What is this thing?_ He looked up as it was coming for him again. James knew this might be it. His time was over. This was how that priest had died.

But the Black Smoke didn't pick him up a third time. It didn't even touch him a third time. It stopped moving right in front of James, like it had done with Claire. It hovered for a bit, and then – just as sudden as it had appeared a few minutes ago – retreated. James was still on the ground, his heart beating heavily in his chest, his entire body tingling from the two painful falls. And then it was quiet. Claire was still standing in the middle of the path, frozen like a statue. Sawyer exhaled. He heard footsteps to his left. It was Juliet, kneeling beside him, touching him, kissing him. "You ok?" He lifted himself to sitting position. "Yeah. I think so."

"Claire." That was Jin's voice. Juliet let go of James and they both looked up. Claire slowly approached them. Sawyer got to his feet, ignoring the pain, and walked up to her. The fear he'd just felt now turned into sheer anger. "What the hell was that huh? Why didn't you run? What the hell's going on Claire?"

"It can't hurt me." She answered calmly, unaffected by the raging man in front of her.

Sawyer cursed out loud. "What kinda deal with the devil have you made?"

"It's not the devil. And it can't kill you either."

"I think it just tried to kill me. What are you? Blind?"

Claire stared at him, expressionless. _Creepy Other. _"It was just intimidating you. But it can't kill you. If it could kill you, you wouldn't be standing here right now."

"It killed Ekko. Why the hell wouldn't it kill me?" James was pissed as hell, but Claire's words confused him. The smoke had its chance to kill him, and he was still alive.

"I already told you. You're candidates. You all are."

* * *

"He man, where is she?" Sawyer asked while walking up to Miles. He had been searching their camp for Juliet but she wasn't anywhere.

Miles, with his mouth full of mango, pointed to the far left end of the beach. "Thanks bro." Sawyer mumbled and walked off.

They had returned to their camp, tired and confused. Sawyer had forced Claire to tell the rest of the group what had just happened, and what she had told them. Confusion had hit everyone when Claire informed them about their encounter with the Black Smoke. Jack had demanded an explanation, a better one than the 'candidates' version she had been feeding them. Claire couldn't give him one. Jack had cursed, something he hardly ever did.

"Are we all candidates Claire?" Kate had then asked, even though she wasn't sure what any answer would actually mean.

Claire had simply looked around, as if checking who was there, before answering: "Yes." And that was the end of the discussion. There was no point in forcing answers out of someone who was either unwilling to give them or simply didn't have them (they were still not sure which one of those options fit Claire).

Jack had examined Sawyer. Lucky for him, he hadn't broken anything. A couple of bad bruises was all the damage Jack could find. By the time Jack was done with Sawyer, Juliet had wandered off.

Sawyer walked into the direction Miles had pointed at and found her sitting about 300 meters from camp, close to the tree line. She was staring at the ocean while absently drawing little figures in the sand with her hands. Sawyer lowered himself next to her and looked at her hands and the sand beneath them.

"You know we could always ask Richard for a pen and some paper if you wanna get into drawing?"

She stopped, wiped the sand of her hands and looked at him. She tried to smile. "Why haven't we seen that thing in weeks and now that we've met Richard and Claire is here at our camp it all of a sudden shows up? Don't you think that's just…" She paused. The image of the Black Smoke right in front of James was still very fresh.

"I don't know." He answered. "But I know this: if that thing were a real man it would be a frustrated little prick with a dick the size of a peanut."

She let out a chuckle in response. "I can't believe you're making jokes about this."

"What else is there to do? We can stress all we want, it ain't helping."

"It came for you James. It sought you out!" Tears were forming in her eyes now.

He turned to her and stroked her cheek with his right hand.

"But it didn't kill me. Just some bruises, is all. Doctor Jack's personal opinion."

"Why I'm not flat down on my back from post traumatic shock is beyond me." She rubbed her eyes and sniffed.

He didn't know what to say to that. She was right. He could have died earlier today and it scared him that he wasn't more upset about it himself. Then the image of Juliet hanging down the hatch with only his left arm preventing her from falling came back to him, and he realized she must have felt that exact same fear today that he'd felt back then. He took her hand in his and rubbed it gently.

They sat like this for a while. Juliet had her eyes closed and used her left hand to wipe away a tear every once in a while. Then she turned her head to look at him. "I love you." She tried to smile.

That felt so good: to hear her say that. Even if it came with tears and a near death experience. "I love you too."

In response she put her left hand behind his neck, pulled him towards her, and kissed him. He shifted so he could meet her better and deepened the kiss. She pulled back and stared over his shoulder, squeezing her eyebrows, checking to see if anyone was around. There was no one there and she turned back to James, kissing him again, longer this time. Her hands were by his waist, tugging his shirt upwards. He let go of her to pull it over his head. He let his hands slide behind her back and then up under her shirt. He grinned and whispered between kisses "They might catch us, you know."

"I don't care."

"Since when?"

She stopped and let her hands drop. "Come." She pushed herself up and put her hand out for him to take it. As soon as he stood she turned and started walking, further away from their camp. _Is she serious? _She was never big on doing anything if there was a chance of them getting caught. It happened once (with Miles, but still) and she had been uncomfortable for days. He couldn't help but smile though.

After a few minutes of walking she suddenly turned and kissed him again. Deep and frantic, as a prelude to passionate open air sex. "Easy on the ribs there sweetheart" he mumbled. She continued kissing him and he pulled back to look at her. "Is this the cure for post traumatic stress?"

"It _is_ today." Her face was softer now and he could tell the fear was disappearing.

He grinned. "Alrighty then." He lowered his mouth to kiss her again, while pushing her back until a tree blocked their way.

**This was one of my longest chapters so far. I sort of have figured out by now what will happen in the remaining chapters. All that I have to do is write it down. Hope you enjoyed. Review if you want to!**


	17. Here we go again

**Hi to you all! This chapter is not too long. But I just wanted to keep on writing (I don't want to run the risk of never ending this story). Hope you enjoy en please leave a review! **

* * *

"James?"

"Mmmm?"

"You ever think about just giving up?"

"Give up on what?"

"On trying to get off this island."

He was stroking her neck with his left hand and _why does she need to bring this up right now? _"Are you saying you wanna start livin' like those peeps in the Blue Lagoon?"

She chuckled. "You've seen that film?"

"My cousin made me watch."

"Sure."

"And Brooke Shields was hot."

She lifted her head from his chest and pushed herself up. There was a strong wind outside and it was difficult to hear the waves. She felt James' hand on her lower back now, drawing circles with his thumb. He didn't say anything.

Maybe this was not the right time to talk about this again. They were having such a great night together and James had actually been quite romantic. _Why can't I just be happy with what I have? _Juliet hated this restless feeling that seemed to catch her whenever they'd been doing nothing but hang out at the beach for a couple of days. She wished she had it in her to just live like Rose and Bernard had (or still were?). Being together had been enough for them. Why couldn't she just be content like that? Then again, she had been exactly that at Dharma Ville, with James (and Jin and Miles, Amy and Horace, her simple job, their cute house, their almost predictable days…). But that was all before _they _had come back, before hydrogen bombs, more time travel, crashed planes, the return of Claire, and the encounter with that Black Smoke. Peaceful living was in the past.

"Care to share your thoughts?" she heard him ask after a while.

"I'm just thinking that they totally messed up the casting in that film. That guy… Totally NOT hot."

She heard him chuckle. "Give the guy a break Blondie. We can't all be blessed with fabulous looks."

"You humbleness is endearing as ever."

"I'm just saying." He lifted himself up, his hand moving up to her neck. He kissed her shoulder, then touched her cheek and kissed her lips. It was sweet and gentle. He was clearly not trying to change the mood by distracting her with sex (something he _had _done many times in the past). "You want to go see our eyeliner friend again, don't ya?"

She sighed against his lips. "I just want to make sure we did everything we could."

"Me too."

"Really?"

"Sweetheart. You're talking to the guy who spent three years searching grids for a bald guy also known as John Locke. I'm not one for giving up."

* * *

So, they spoke to Miles and Jin the next morning. They were all still in favor of visiting Richard. If _any _of what Claire had said was true, anything at all, then it would be silly to just sit here and wait. Rescue would probably never come. Jin excused himself from going on this new trip though. He had been staying closer to Sun again since their encounter with the Black Smoke. They did all agree that Claire had to come along though. And that the rest of them had to stay put here at camp. 'The more the merrier' was something that did not work for this trip.

Surprisingly, Jack didn't object when they asked him to stay behind. Kate did however. But after some convincing she gave in. The arguments against them going again were just too strong: they didn't know Richard like Juliet, Sawyer and Miles did. And they didn't know the island that well either. A few months on the island were nothing compared to a few years.

Hurley was the only one who couldn't be persuaded to stay back. "I've been the only in our group who has possibly seen Jacob." Juliet raised her eyebrows and quickly glanced at Sawyer. Hurley continued "I always thought I was…well… crazy. Now it turns out that Jacob might actually exist. I want to know. I have a right to come too guys."

"You've seen Jacob my ass. You've seen a wooden cabin. Which wasn't even real. Sounds more like one of your ghost stories, Buster." Sawyer stated cynically.

"Well… Whatever dude… I'm coming to see Richard."

Juliet looked at James, who just shook his head and raised his hand. "Whatever."

Miles was smiling. "Just tell 'm the real reason man. You just can't be without me."

* * *

**Manilla, Philippines**

There she was.

"Have you found it?" he asked. He was sitting on a bench in the hotel courtyard. Three suitcases and two handbags were next to him on the floor.

"Yes. They said it's just a 20 minute drive from here. We can be on the water in a couple of hours." She walked towards him, looking at him intensely. "You still sure you want to do this?"

"I have to Pen. Are you still with me?"

She sat down next to him and closed her eyes for a second, then turned her eyes on him again. "You are letting go after this? Even if it fails?"

"I promise."

"Then I'm with you."

Desmond sighed and touched her cheek with his hand. "Let's go wake up Charlie then?"

"I'll get him" Penny whispered. She turned around and walked across the courtyard to their hotel room.

It had been difficult to persuade her to come with him. Because that was exactly what it had been: him persuading her. He had made the decision all by himself to do this, and he'd felt horribly guilty because of it. He had tried to explain as best as he could why he felt obligated to go, why this would haunt him for the rest of his life if he didn't go. "I owe them Pen. If it hadn't been for them, I'd still be stuck there." And she'd agreed to come.

Half an hour later, they reached the harbor of Manilla. An elderly man walked up to them and – in broken English – welcomed them and offered to show them their boat. Desmond paid their taxi driver and they followed the Filipino. The harbor was massive and very chaotic. Sailboats from all shapes and sizes were docked in between motor boats. In the distance Desmond could see some bigger vessels. They passed a group of man who seemed to be arguing about something in an unknown language. The Filipino man, who had introduced himself as Vicente, walked in the direction of the larger ships. He stopped in front of one of the more decent looking ones, and turned around.

"This is your boat" he said with a triumphant smile. Several men were already on board. Some were carrying goods around. Others were just hanging out, smoking cigarettes. The boat was smaller than the one Penny had used; the one that had gotten him and the Oceanic 6 rescued. It also looked older. But the island had been in a different location back then, in the middle of the Pacific, 3000 miles away from the nearest main land. The coordinates Mrs. Hawking had given him this time pointed to a location 'only' 600 miles east of the Philippines. Besides, it had been difficult enough to find this ship.

He had found Eloise in the exact same place as last time, a church building in Los Angeles. She hadn't been surprised to see him. After all, she was the one who had given his name to Hugo Reyes' father. She violated a vital rule by making that decision. Island coordinates were only to be disclosed to people who Jacob had approved of. But there was something about the despair in that old man's voice when he had called her. It made her own pain over losing her son come to life again. The island had taken enough children. So when Desmond Hume showed up on her doorstep, she had allowed him to enter. If he was willing to go, she was willing to help.

Standing in front of 'their' ship, Desmond looked at Penny. _What do you think? _He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Let's have a look." She said, more aimed at Vicente than at Desmond. The man smiled and walked onto the gangway. Penny now looked back at Desmond. _It will be fine._

* * *

**Back on the island**

They left at sunrise. Miles was actually excited to be out and about again. His leg had healed completely and truth be told, he needed a change of scene. He walked in front with Sawyer and Juliet could see they were happy to be on 'patrol' together again. Close behind them was Hurley. She herself was walking next to Claire. They hardly said a word.

Richard's camp was easily found the second time around. And they weren't welcomed by people with guns this time. But there were a lot of stares, especially at Miles and Hurley since they were the new faces. Richard knew about their arrival before they had good and well reached his tent. He was standing outside, arms crossed, face neutral. Sawyer and Juliet greeted him and he replied with a polite nod. He glanced at Hurley and Miles and then looked at Claire.

"I heard you switched camp. Is that correct?"

Claire rubbed her hands together. She looked slightly nervous. "I wanted to find out about my son" she replied quietly.

"And?"

"You were right. He's off the island. He's with my mother." She was staring at the ground.

"Excellent." Richard stretched his arms and turned to Sawyer and Juliet. "Now do what do I owe a visit this time?" He let his eyes wander to Miles and Hurley again.

* * *

Soon they found themselves sitting in the same setting as about a week ago, inside Richard's tent. Richard kept quiet, as usual. Sawyer was looking for the right words to start their little get together. He didn't know what Richard was willing to share. He didn't want to ruin their chances by starting off on the wrong foot.

"Listen Richard." He inhaled.

"I'm listening."

"We've had contact with the main land." He studied Richard's face. Nothing. He continued: "You know about the plane on Hydra island. The one that made all those yahoos come back here. It's dead. We were there a couple of weeks ago to check it out. But we managed to get the satphone working."

He paused and looked over at Juliet. Her face was calm and reassuring and it gave him the confidence to continue. "Hugo here contacted his daddy. Told him to trace down Eloise Hawking and all." He looked at Richard, waiting for a response.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Is there more to your story?"

"No. That's about it."

"You didn't try to call someone else?"

_What's with the questions? _"No."

Richard looked at the ground between his feet. Then he looked up again and let his eyes wander from Claire to Juliet, Sawyer, Hurley and Miles. A small smile played on his face.

"Is the phone still working?"

"I don't know. We improvised. It's not like we're phone magicians."

"Why didn't you tell me this the last time you were here?"

Sawyer sighed and kept quiet. It wouldn't really help to say he didn't trust the guy.

"You came here asking me if I had had contact with the main land, when _you _just made a phone call." Richard's voice was calm but it was obvious he was annoyed.

"We didn't know then what we know now." Juliet offered.

"And what's that?"

Juliet looked at Claire for a brief second before answering Richard. "That Jacob actually exists."

Richard gazed at her. "You've always known that Juliet. Ben never kept it a secret who we were answering to." He shook his head.

"Ben had lots of stories. And not all of them were necessarily true."

"I guess you chose to disbelieve the wrong ones."

Sawyer pushed a hand through his hair. "You're little blonde girlfriend here…", he pointed at Claire, "…has been sharing a story about us being candidates. She said your buddy Jacob is keen to retire and needs someone to take over. And that that's why we won't get off this island. Any of that true?"

"Yes James. Although you can't possibly comprehend what all that actually means."

"Enlighten me."

"I can't share with you any information without talking to Jacob."

"OK." Sawyer sighed. Why were so many people keen on doing what their boss told them to do? _What's up with free will? _Guess that came along long after Richard was born.

He shook of the cynical thoughts. "Just give me this one… Hypothetically speaking... If Hurley's daddy contacted Eloise, and if Eloise agreed to help him, and if he got a boat or whatever… Is it true that he would never reach the island without permission from island management?"

"She would never help him."

"I said 'hypothetically'."

"'Hypothetically' speaking, you are right."

"And all this because we're 'candidates'?"

"Right again."

"Then we stop being candidates, whatever that means anyway."

"If that happens, you are no longer protected. And don't ask me from what, because you know that perfectly well. I'm sorry James."

"So you're saying that our options are to stay here until this Jacob fellow makes up his mind, if he ever does, or lose protection and try to leave with the risk of getting killed before we even get off?"

"And once again, you are correct."

"That's just awesome."

No one said a word for a while. Then Hurley asked that one question that he'd been dying to ask. "Can we talk to Jacob?"

"I'm sorry Hugo. That can't happen."

"Why not dude? Why… I've seen him before."

"If Jacob comes looking for you, that's his business. But you can't go looking for him." And with those words Richard raised himself from the tree trunk he was sitting on and opened his tent. The meeting was obviously over. "It's getting dark. Why don't you share a meal with us. I wouldn't want to sent you off into the jungle at night. You can sleep in one of the empty tents. Sara will show you." He pointed at a young woman standing close by.

As they were following the woman to their sleeping spot for the night, Richard called Sawyer and Juliet back.

"You wanna tell me where the loo is too?"

"Listen, because I'm only saying this once." Richard said, ignoring Sawyer's comment. "I can talk to Jacob for you. But think carefully about what you want. If you decide to bail, you might not live."

* * *

**That's another wrap! Will Jacob be of any help? Stick around to find out in the next chapter :)**


	18. The impossible decision

**I finally managed another chapter. I felt I was making things too complicated and got demotivated for a while. But the outline for chapter 19 is pretty much ready, so hopefully that will follow soon. A few more chapters and this story will be finished! Thanks to everyone who is still reading.**

* * *

How on earth were they going to make this decision? And really… this wasn't a joint decision they had to reach. This was one for each of them to decide on their own. No one dared to question Richard's warning and no one dared to joke about the dangers of the island. But somehow this whole thing felt like they'd entered a game of Russian roulette. Pull the trigger and you might die. Pull the trigger and you might live.

To Jin and Sun, it was either risking death or never seeing their daughter again. What kind of choice was that? Kate (and Claire, she thought) shared the same dilemma. And this was only if Jacob proved willing. What if he needed one of them? What if he wouldn't let anyone go until one of them volunteered? And volunteered for what exactly? There were so many questions without answers.

Juliet had gone awfully quiet after their second meeting with Richard. And because of that Sawyer decided to not visit the guy in the very near future again. It hadn't done them any good _twice _now. He left her alone whenever she had her quiet 'thinking' moods. They might be a couple, but no way in hell would he want to interfere with her decision. Or… that's what he told himself. It seemed like the _good _thing to do. But if he was completely honest with himself, he could probably live with never getting off the island. He might not have a murder charge waiting for him back home, but he did have a criminal record and there would probably still be a handful of people who would be really keen to bother him if he'd ever make it back. No, if he had to choose he would probably play it safe, stay here and live out his days together with Juliet.

But for her… for her this was about so much more. This was about purposely deciding to never see Rachel again. And if she were to go that way, it had to be her decision and hers alone. One evening he dared to ask her about it. She had simply told him that she hadn't made up her mind yet. And for some reason it made him feel like shit. He started thinking of ways to manipulate the whole thing. He could go back to the plane and try the phone again. Just to find out if anyone was actually trying to find them. If it turned out that Hurley's dad had been successful, maybe the risk would actually be worth taking. But then again, what if the phone didn't work? It had only worked for a minute or so before it had died again. Basically, the whole thing sucked.

* * *

Sawyer was breaking branches for their evening fire (keeping busy was the best thing to do right now) when Miles walked up to him. "Need a hand?"

He looked at his buddy and answered "Sure, thanks", pointing at a stack of firewood for Miles to work on.

Miles selected a couple of bigger branches and balanced them on two tree trunks, breaking them with his right foot one by one. He glanced at James a couple of times.

"What's on your mind Enos?"

"Same as what's on yours probably." Miles replied while throwing the smaller pieces of firewood onto the growing pile in front of them. "And I'm wondering what you're gonna do."

James paused and stretched his back. "Whatever Jules decides."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really. What about yourself?"

"I thought you guys would be deciding together." Miles commented, ignoring Sawyer's question.

"There's more on the line for her." Sawyer grumbled. "Now back to my question."

Miles placed his hands at the back of his neck, noticing Sawyer's grumpy tone of voice. "I don't know man. I guess leaving is the only way to go. I don't see myself living here you know. It was all good and entertaining with Dharma. Chicks, beer. A home…" He lowered his hands to grab another branch. "… a _life _you know? I had a life. But _this?_" he pointed at his tent, the ocean, the kitchen. "This is not a life. This is a poor imitation of Robinson Crusoe, and I'm not up for it. I'm really not."

* * *

Three days after returning to their camp James found Juliet at her usual hiding spot, at the far left end of the beach. They had spoken so little over the past few days. Giving her time to decide had seemed like the proper thing to do. But this was taking too long and he wasn't so sure if he would be fine with just following her lead. Being flexible and giving her space was one thing. But now he felt completely on the outside and it made him restless and insecure. They _were _together and, Rachel or no Rachel, this was at least something they could talk about.

He lowered himself down next to her. "Babe?"

She looked at him with tired eyes. "I think I like 'Blondie' better."

"Fine. Blondie it is." He folded his hands together, scratching the space between his eyebrows with his thumb. "I kinda wanna know where you're headin' with this."

She turned her head away and pressed her lips together into a thin line.

He continued. "Cause I know you're thinking' about your sister and all. And that's cool. I get that. But I just wanna know where _we _are in this."

She didn't respond and maybe he still shouldn't press this but…. Oh hell. They'd been together for three years. That counted for something right? And hadn't she once told him she would choose him over Rachel?

"So?" he asked.

"Don't push me James." She pressed her palms against her eyes.

"I ain't pushing ya. I left you alone for three whole days. And I wanted this to be your decision but somehow that doesn't feel right to me anymore."

Her eyes were still covered by her hands and he could see her shoulders tense. After a minute of silence she lowered her hands. "Whichever way I choose, I lose."

That felt like a proper blow to the head. Even though he knew it was probably true for her. Yeah, never seeing someone you love again sucked. And maybe it was easier if that person was simply just dead. Memories of his mother entered his mind and he closed his eyes to block them out. "I want us to stay here."

Her head snapped in his direction. Tears formed in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.

"I got what I want. And I don't wanna risk either one of us getting hurt." He continued.

A tear fell down her cheek and she quickly wiped hit off. When she looked at him again her face seemed wiped clean of all emotions. "That's just great James. Thanks for sharing and making it impossible for me to decide otherwise."

* * *

James had gone to bed early, using an upcoming headache as an excuse to be alone. Juliet had walked off after diner again. She'd spent more hours at this side of the beach today than at camp. It was long after sunset, but the moon was almost full and a bluish light covered the beach and their tents. It had been a quiet evening. Miles and Hurley had played one of their games in silence, Kate and Jack had spent most of the evening sitting by the ocean together. And the rest of them had remained by the fire, staring at the flames like they would somehow tell them what to do next.

* * *

Jin got up and walked towards the ocean, checking if Juliet was still there. He could make out a black little figure sitting in the sand, not moving. He walked back towards the kitchen and lowered himself to the ground, leaning back against one of the poles. He could still see her from here. He glanced up at the stars, thinking of his daughter. He'd made his decision. If there was any chance to leave this place and be with Ji Yeon, he was going to take it. He and Sun both were.

* * *

Juliet couldn't tell how long she had been sitting there. She felt so disconnected from the world around her it was almost scary. A huge knot had formed in her stomach. Memories of her childhood, her mum, dad, and Rachel were playing and replaying in her mind. She had been crying for a long time after her talk with James earlier that day. Now there was only a feeling of emptiness. Giving up Rachel was like giving up hope. And she could feel that, despite James, this hope had been one of her key pillars over the past six years. If everything were to fall apart she could always still hold out the hope of seeing her sister again. Now that pillar was showing cracks and it felt like the mere foundation she had built her life on wavered. And it was terrifying.

She didn't hear Jin coming. She didn't even register his presence until he was already sitting next to her.

"It's getting late Juliet" Jin spoke with a gentle voice.

She looked up at the moon, suddenly aware of how little time conscious she was these days. Then she looked at Jin and felt like crying again. What a journey they'd had together! And it could all soon be over.

"What are you and Sun going to do?" she dared ask.

"We want to leave. We have a daughter to go back to." He lay down flat on his back and tugged his hands behind his head. Juliet looked down at him. He was staring at the moon. "You know I always looked at the moon when Sun and I were separated." Yes, she remembered him doing that. Almost every night if the skies were clear and the moon was up. "I'm still doing it. But now I find myself talking to Yi Jeon." A smile was showing on Jin's face and he looked at Juliet. "I know it's probably stupid, but it helps me." Jin removed his left hand from under his head and reached for Juliet's right hand. "You should try it." He squeezed her hand a bit.

She positioned herself next to Jin, their heads close together, left hand still holding right hand.

"If you could talk to your sister, what would you say?"

Tears came and she tried a smile to get rid of them. "That's a tough question Jin."

"I know it is."

* * *

He was still awake when she entered their tent, his back turned towards her side of the 'bed'. She quietly undressed herself, put her clothes away and then sat and watched him for a while, her arms around her knees, her heart beating heavily. When he shifted slightly she moved, placing a hand on his side before letting it slide down to his stomach. She placed her body behind him and buried her nose in his hair. His hand moved on top of hers and she pushed herself closer towards him, her breasts against his back, her hand pressing firmly on his abdomen.

"I'm staying with you." She finally whispered. Her decision was made. "I'm staying here with you James."


	19. Three visitors

Sawyer could tell Juliet wasn't happy. She hardly smiled and reacted absently whenever someone tried to talk to her. He knew she had compromised in a difficult way and it was obviously wearing on her. But that would pass (or so he told himself). He had stopped letting himself dwell on the happiest scenario, the one that had been stuck in his head for so many weeks after their Hydra visit (They would both get off alive (they would _all _get off alive) and Juliet wouldn't have to make a choice. She could have him and she could have her sister. He would give her the ring. He would ask Miles to be his best man. They would share holidays with Jin and his family. And _fuck, fuck. Just don't think about it_). What was important was that they would both be safe, as long as they stayed on the island.

They made love every night. It was an easy way to forget. Forget about the island, forget about Rachel, forget about the fact that their friends might be gone soon (or dead?), forget about the fact that _having sex_ like this would probably be off limits for a very long time with birth control running out. But apart from physical communication, she kept to herself. And he let her. He took on whatever chore was available. He and Frank took care of water supplies, he went hunting with Jin, he fixed up their tent nicely. Anything to keep himself busy. He thought about giving her the ring. But it seemed to be a gesture of reconciliation instead of love at this point. Besides, no way could they ever get married on this island anyway. _Please, let this storm pass fast _was the main thought running through his head_._

* * *

A visitor came to the beach about a week after their return from Richard's camp. He introduced himself as Pete and explained he came to deliver a message from Richard himself. He asked for James and handed him a folded piece of paper. It read:

_James. I might be able to help you. Meet me at the Statue two days from now at midday. Bring the pilot, Hugo, Jack and Sun. Do not bring any others. __Do not let Claire follow you__. She is to stay at your camp with the rest of your people. Richard. __  
_

Pete didn't waste any time hanging at their camp. His job was to deliver the message and he pretty much left immediately after handing Sawyer the note. Only Jin, Sun and Jack were at camp at that particular hour and Sawyer shared the content of the note with them. Questions about how Richard was able to help them (or why) and about what was going with Claire (everybody knew something was up with her, but no one had managed to get anything out of her) were shared but not answered.

The likeliest conclusion was to follow Richard's request, but Sawyer was reluctant to go. He didn't want to do anything to create more distance between him and Juliet. Or add fuel to her doubt. Jin was not keen on being separated from Sun for a few days. Surely they could persuade Kate to go instead? Or Miles? But Sun noticed how everyone Richard was asking for had been on the Ajira flight. James was probably the person Richard trusted most, which could be an explanation for why he'd addressed him and not anyone else. The only one that should logically be included here was Kate. They couldn't figure out why she wasn't.

They agreed to not share the content of the message with anyone else just yet. But Sawyer broke that agreement that same evening, as Jin knew he would.

"I thought we were going to lead a safe and simple life here James." Juliet commented, looking at him with tired eyes. Was there a hint of cynicism in her voice?

"We are." He confirmed. "But I get the feeling he won't help the others unless I'm there."

"Fine." She stated dryly. "Just don't get killed while playing hero."

"Jules, I know the island like my back pocket."

"No you don't." Her voice had a sharp edge to it this time. "You know the 1970s version of this island like your back pocket. It's not the same thing. And don't even remind me of all the times you got yourself into serious trouble back then." And with that she turned her back to him, pretending to go to sleep.

Clearly, the storm was far from over.

* * *

Eight days earlier, Richard's camp

"You can't leave."

"Why not?"

"You know why. It's too risky." Richard was leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees, face close to Claire's. It was the middle of the night and the camp was quiet. "He's using you Claire" he continued. "Don't you know the danger you would be putting us all in?" He stared right at her without blinking, as if trying to penetrate her mind with his words.

Claire looked down. "I just want to be with my son" she whispered.

"You made a mistake once that cannot be undone. I'm sorry."

Claire sniffed. "I thought he was my father."

Richard sighed. He placed a hand on her left shoulder. "I know it's painful to be separated from the ones you love. But some things are irreversible." He removed his hand but kept his eyes on her. She still had her eyes pointed at the ground.

"You shouldn't have lied to them Claire. You know they're not all candidates. Not everybody comes here by the hand of Jacob. Sometimes other people interfere, even though they shouldn't." Richard now whispered. It was pitch black outside. There was hardly any moonlight. The oil lamp in his tent was their only source of light.

"I didn't want to scare them."

"Listen to me carefully now. If you stay with them and they decide to risk it… and in the _very_ unlikely event that someone will come to this island… the only one leaving will be _him_. Do you understand that? It will not be you, or Kate, or any of them. It will be _him. _You don't want that on your conscience."

"Isn't there a way I can get off without him knowing?"

"There is always a way off this island. But it's not for you."

"You can't do this to me. You can't keep me here against my will." Claire's wasn't whispering anymore. Richard's eyes turned angry and he placed his hand firmly back on her shoulder.

"Control yourself." His voice was harsh and calm at the same time. She looked at him, frightened, and he softened his grip. "Now go back to bed and let me do my job."

* * *

Back at camp, the day after the note

Miles found Hurley sitting by Libby's grave. Hurley had made a habit out of coming here every couple of days, placing fresh flowers on her grave as well as Sayid's. He and Claire had also created a spot for Charlie. Even though Charlie's body was never recovered it was nice to have a place to 'visit' him.

"He man."

Hurley looked up.

"Flowers look nice."

"Thanks dude."

Miles stood next to Hurley, hesitant to sit down. The last time he'd sat down at this place he'd heard a young woman's voice muttering some inaudible words. It had freaked him out and he'd jumped up as if the ground had suddenly turned boiling hot. Hurley had told him he'd accidentally sat down on the grave of a woman named Nikki. She and her boyfriend had died under mysterious circumstances. Who knows, her spirit could still be around. Graveyards were definitely not Miles' thing.

"I was wondering something…" Hurley started, interrupting Miles' thoughts. "How did Locke get off the island? I don't think he ever told one of us." He looked at Miles, questioning. "Do you know? You were here right?"

"He fell into a well."

Hurley looked at him, puzzled. "Uh, what?"

"The Orchid. Only it wasn't the Orchid yet." Miles nervously shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Can we leave this place? It freaks me out. Too many dead people."

Hurley lifted himself and wiped the sand of his hands. They started walking towards the ocean. "I thought that place was all about time travel. Not about leaving the island."

"I don't know man. I just know that he said that it all started at the Orchid and that he wanted to make it stop by going back there."

"Who?"

"John Locke. Weird dude. Bossy too."

"Huh. I guess it worked though."

"If you call getting stuck in the 70s 'worked'."

They heard footsteps behind them and looked up to see Sawyer approaching. "Hugo, can I talk to you for a sec?" Hurley nodded in response.

"What?" Miles questioned. "I'm not invited?"

"Don't worry Enos. I won't snap your new best buddy away for too long."

Miles raised his eyebrows. _Your new best buddy? _Was he being sarcastic? Ha! LaFleur was jealous! Miles smirked at him. Sawyer just shrugged his shoulders as if asking 'What?'.

Hurley turned to look at Miles. "Later dude" he said before following Sawyer back to their camp.

"You _can_ just say you miss me!" Miles called after Sawyer.

* * *

By the end of the day, everyone except for Claire was informed about the note and of the upcoming trip. Miles had asked Sawyer what was up with all the secrecy and the little one on one get-together's. But the explanation that a large group gathering would attract the blonde girl's attention seemed fair. Miles also offered to come (since it was nice to actually have a hand in your own 'rescue'). Instead of simply forbidding him as he would have done in their Dharma days (being 'the boss' and all), Sawyer had sighed deeply. "Honestly bud, I wish you could. But I think we need to play this one by Richard's rules."

The deal was to set off the next morning before sunrise. Jin and Kate would keep a close eye on Claire.

And, as planned, they said their goodbyes quietly early morning and left when the sky at the horizon started turning purple.

* * *

They told Claire later that morning that the group had gone off to check for supplies at different Dharma stations. Any remaining Dharma food, soap or whatever other goods were welcome. She was obviously suspicious, but as everyone went about their day in the most usual way, she seemed to calm down and forget about the whole thing.

It was well past midday – Jin and Miles were fishing, every now and then trying to persuade Juliet to join them. Kate and Claire were a bit further off camp talking – when the most unexpected thing happened. A humming sound in the distance caught Juliet's attention first. Miles and Jin then turned their heads towards the sound as well. It was coming from the ocean and was slowly getting louder. Claire and Kate walked up them with questioning looks and squeezed eyebrows.

"What the hell is that?" Miles asked, not directed at anyone in particular. No one answered.

Juliet rose from the sand and put up one hand, a non-verbal way of asking Miles to be quiet. Then she noticed something: a small dot at the horizon. It was moving in the direction of the beach and slowly grew larger. A shiver went through her body. She just stood there, staring at the object approaching, and then mumbled "I think it's a boat." She felt her body move forwards, passed the two men, until the water touched her feet and ankles. "It's a boat!" she repeated, louder this time. An adrenaline rush hit her and her heart started beating fast. Her hands went to her mouth.

"It's a freaking boat!" Miles exclaim behind her. She heard Jin's laugh and then Claire's voice, sounding cautious: "We need to be careful. We don't know who that is."

They all remained glued to their spots, as in trance. By now they could actually _see _that it was indeed a small motor boat, very similar to the Zodiac Daniel had used back in the day when they were frantically transporting people to the cursed freighter.

Miles started waving his hands while yelling "He! He! Over here! Over heeeeeeere!" Juliet moved back a few steps until she was standing between Miles and Jin, and let the details of the scene evolving in front of her sink in. The boat was blue and orange, with a single person on board. What person, owning a motor boat, would in their right mind approach this island? What person _could _approach this island (given the mystery of Jacob)? The boat headed directly to them, and whoever was steering it had to be familiar with their beach camp.

Juliet grabbed Jin's lower arm and said without looking at him "Who is this person?" He didn't respond. When she did look at him a minute later, she could see recognition on his face. He quietly disentangled his arm from her hand and walked to the water line. The boat was only thirty meters off shore when she heard him scream "Desmond!"

* * *

Jin and Kate helped Desmond pull the boat onto the beach. Kate then hugged him, while Jin slapped his back. Juliet didn't know whether to laugh or cry and Miles was jumping around like a little kid on Christmas morning. Claire just stood there, staring at the reunion in front of her, still in shock from what had just happened. Kate, Desmond and Jin walked up to the three others and Desmond shook Miles' hand, followed by a hug for both ladies. He seemed excited to see them.

"I can't believe you are all still here." were the first words out of his mouth. He looked at Jin. "You've been here all this time?" Jin nodded. Desmond turned to Kate. "And you really came back! I can't believe it worked." His voice cracked a bit. "And Claire, Juliet…" Then he turned back to Jin and Kate. "Are there any more of you?"

"There are" Jin answered, and he mentioned all the people that had left earlier that day to meet up with Richard. He also told him about Sayid's and Ben's death. Desmond didn't even notice that the Korean had gone from no English to almost perfect English. The fact that he was now face to face with the people he had been hoping to find was just too overwhelming.

* * *

They'd all sat down near the boat. Juliet and Miles had fetched some water and fruits from the kitchen. Desmond shared his story. How he'd received a frantic phone call in the middle of the night from a man he'd never met. How this man turned out to be Hurley's dad. How he had found Eloise and had been surprised by her unexpected helpful response to his request to go back to the island. And they all listened quietly, never interfering or asking questions, just simply thanking whatever possible God for this development.

"We have to go get the others." Miles said after Desmond had finished. "They have to come back to the beach. We have to leave."

Everyone got up and went to their tent to quickly collect whatever items they wanted to bring with them, in case they would never see their beach camp again. Juliet, in a haze of suddenly revived hope of going home, grabbed some of her and James' belongings, as well as the pictures they'd discovered at their old house a few weeks back of them on a New Years Eve during their Dharma times. She searched for the ring, which he usually kept under his pillow in a black little sachet (she had promised him she wouldn't look and, so far, she hadn't) but it wasn't there. Maybe he had taken it with him?

They all gathered by the fire pit. "What if we take the boat to the Statue and meet them there?" Jin suggested. Juliet and Kate nodded in agreement.

"Let's first drop some of you guys off with Penny and then we can grab the second life boat and head out" Desmond replied. He too was excited to have discovered that his journey had proven to be successful.

"What are they doing at the Statue?" Claire asked. "There's nothing there." In his enthusiasm Jin had forgotten about the fact that Claire had been left in the dark. But before anyone could answer her and tell her they'd actually lied about their friends' mission, yet another visitor showed up at their camp, this time from the jungle side. Juliet looked up at the sound of breaking branches and stared straight into a pair of very familiar eyes. It was John Locke.

The bald man slowly walked up to their group. Claire had turned into a frozen statue. Miles' mouth was hanging half open. "I thought you died?" he managed to ask when Locke was close enough.

"I guess I didn't." The man smiled a mischievous smile.


	20. What's going on?

**I'm getting to the end of this story (just a few more chapters). I took on eyeon's suggestion of putting in the Orchid, just in a slightly different way... This chapter isn't too long. And the other half of both stories will come in the next chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

Out of nowhere, John Locke had just stepped onto the beach.

Juliet's initial reaction was shock mixed with happiness. If it was possible for Desmond to get here, maybe it was also possible that John actually wasn't dead (this was _mystery island _after all). But when she looked at Kate and Claire, she could read disbelief, confusion and fear on their faces. Claire had taken a few steps back to stand next to Kate and the two women were firmly holding onto the other person's hand.

"It's nice to see you all again." John said, as if he'd just returned from a regular hunting trip. "Especially you, Desmond" he pointed his knife at the Scotsman, "Welcome back." John seemed unmoved by the shock and apathy around him. And when no one spoke, he continued talking to Desmond. "I see you've got yourself a proper boat there. Does that come with a bigger ship off shore?" Desmond couldn't help but nod. "Well" John concluded. "You were all obviously on your way out. I would like to come with you if that's OK? It would be nice to finally go home for good." And with that he stepped towards the boat and started pushing it back into the water.

"No!" Claire spoke as she managed to unfreeze herself. "You're not using that." Within seconds she reached the boat and grabbed it at the other end, opposite to where John was trying to push it in.

He stopped and straightened his back. "Claire" he began, his tone of voice firm as if he was warning her. She stared right back at him and he softened his voice. "I know you want to leave this place. That's all I want too. Why don't we be kind and help each other?" He smiled but Claire's expression remained unchanged. Locke shrugged his shoulders and continued pushing the boat.

"No!" Claire repeated and her hand moved towards the side of her pants. Within a mere second she had pulled out her hunting knife and stabbed it into the boat. It immediately produced a hissing sound and air was leaking out at a rapid pace.

The rest of the group seemed to wake up now. "What the hell did you just do!" Miles managed to ask. In response Claire pulled back her knife and stabbed the boat again in another location. And again. "Claire stop it!" Both Juliet and Kate rushed up to her and Kate managed to take the knife from her. Juliet looked at Claire furiously. "Why did you do that?"

"Because that man is not John Locke."

* * *

_Earlier that day, Statue of Taweret_

The walk to the Statue hadn't been long and they'd been waiting for over two hours without any sign of Richard. Why had he chosen this place to meet with them? There was nothing there. As far as Sawyer knew, this place simply held the remains of some very old island civilization. He still remembered the Statue in its full length when they'd seen it during the flashes. It had been massive. And he did wonder what had happened for a thing that size to be reduced to what it was today: no more than one foot. Maybe he would ask Richard about it.

They'd been setting on the edge of the statue base for a while, near a couple of giant toes. But the sun was now boiling hot and they had all moved to the shade beneath the trees. Finally, Richard arrived. He was alone and apologized for keeping them waiting. He shook all of their hands and sat down.

When Richard didn't speak after greeting them, Jack filled the silence. "We're all here, like you asked. Now can you explain how you are going to help?"

"Have you confirmed that Claire hasn't followed you?" Richard asked in return.

"They're keeping an eye on her at the beach" Sawyer interrupted. "Mind telling us what's up with that?"

"Maybe later. We have more important things to discuss. Like your opportunities to go home." Richard looked at each of them intensely. It annoyed Sawyer but he kept quiet.

Hurley shifted and pushed his curls behind his ears. "Like going down the Orchid?" he asked. "That's how Locke left. So that must be good news" he continued, remembering what Miles had told him the day before. The whole story had made him insanely curious. Even though he occasionally joked with Sawyer and Miles about this being the island of death (the jokes were more aimed at alleviating anxiety than at actually having a good laugh), Hurley felt strangely attracted to the island's mysteries. And with Richard Alpert here, he might get some answers.

Richard turned to look at him and raised his eyebrows. "Who told you about the Orchid?" Richard looked at James, who shook his head, a non-verbal way of saying _it wasn't me_.

"Don't look at him dude. Miles told me. And only cause I asked. Any fool can put two and two together man."

Richard looked at Hurley for a few long seconds, as if deciding whether or not elaborating on the subject was a wise thing to do. "The Orchid is not good news Hugo" Richard finally spoke. "Yes, it can get you off the island. But it is unwise to leave that way."

"Because of that time travel business?"

"Because it's not designed to leave the island. It's designed to protect it."

Hurley looked at him, puzzled, and Richard continued explaining. "You call it time travel business. Jacob calls it island protection. If you go down there and operate it, you will leave and end up somewhere in Northern Africa. But the island will dislodge and you will put the people left behind in a dangerous situation. A possibly fatal situation."

Hurley kept quiet, taken aback by Richard's words. Wasn't there any island mystery that didn't involve death? But Sawyer, the only one who had actually been here through the whole time travel ordeal, was not intimidated. "John Locke stopped it. We can do the same."

"John committed suicide by going down there, James." Richard answered.

"Maybe, but I'm still alive because of him."

"Yes you are. And that is exactly my point. John was trying to save you. And he was trying to save the island. It was a selfless attempt at rescue. And that's what the Orchid is for. You cannot use it for selfish reasons."

Sun straightened her back now. "How is getting someone you love back home 'selfish'?"

"I'm not saying it is. But different rules apply here. You have to accept that there are things in life that you cannot escape from."

"I don't need your life lessons Richard" Sun answered him angrily.

Richard looked at her. "It is not my intention to lecture you. The Orchid can just simply not be used for what you want. Besides, if you leave without permission from Jacob, you will never truly be free. You all know what that's like." He let his eyes wander from Sun, to Jack and then to Hurley.

"If Jin hadn't stayed behind I would never have come back." Sun resisted, not ready to believe whatever she was being told.

"And why do you think Jin stayed? That was no accident Sun." Richard raised his voice.

"What kind of thing is this Jacob?! How evil do you have to be to keep a father from his daughter?" The volume of Sun's voice now matched Richard's.

Richard sighed at Sun's outburst and he stared at her for a while. His eyes suddenly looked tired. "Jacob has a thing for drama" was his simple reply, and even though it sounded cynical, his features remained serious.

Sun was about to speak again when Frank put up a hand, trying to calm her down. He then turned to the dark haired man sitting opposite of him. "I was just fine off the island. How do you explain that?"

"That is because you never came here at the hand of Jacob. You came here through Charles Widmore. You are not a candidate. The island doesn't hold you."

"But Claire said…" Frank muttered.

"Claire lied." Richard interrupted. "And you all know it." This time nobody doubted Richard's words. They'd all known something was off with Claire. It was time to let the cat out of the bag.

"So why would she do that?" Sawyer asked. He actually felt some kind of relief that his gut feeling seemed to still be pretty accurate. He'd felt uneasy around Claire since the day she showed up.

"Why do people lie? Because they're afraid. Because they want to manipulate others."

"Is that why she couldn't come?"

"Claire can't be here, because Claire cannot be trusted. She knows nothing of the Orchid. If she knew there was a way off of this island, she would take it without thinking about the consequences."

"You _are_ still talking about time travel right?"

"This is where I can no longer give you answers James. I didn't ask you to come here to discuss Claire. I only asked you to meet me because we have some place else to go.

"What place?" Jack asked.

"We will need to go back to the other island. I will help you contact Eloise Hawking. She'll take orders from me."

"The phone's dead" Sawyer simply stated.

"I thought my offer would be enough motivation to try and fix it again."

"Why do you need all of us to go there with you? It doesn't take a large group to make a phone call" Frank asked/stated. He tried to sound optimistic, but he'd seen the phone, and none of them were experts. It had been nothing short of a miracle that they got it to work the first time. A second time seemed like pushing their luck. And it would have made a lot more sense if Miles had come with them, since he had a hand in their previous success.

"Because this isn't simply about making a phone call. This is about _helping you_. I'm trying to protect you. If you want to leave, you will have to play by the rules. That's why I separated you from the people you love. I know this way none of you will do anything stupid. You all have someone to go back to. And the people you want to get back to all have someone to wait for. Besides, there are survivors on Hydra island that we don't want to freak out by adding unknown faces to the group. You already made that mistake."

"Uh, dude. Aren't _you_ an unknown face?" Hurley questioned while pointing a finger at Richard.

"And what the hell do you need me for?" Sawyer's confusion was growing. Why was this man always so fucking vague and indirect? "Why couldn't you have picked Kate? I didn't exactly make friends out on Hydra."

Richard actually smiled, even though it wasn't a convincing smile. "That would've been too risky. If Kate was here, Claire would have followed. And as far as me asking you to come? You just have to trust me."

Sawyer was getting annoyed with Richard's evasive answers. "Yeah well, guess what: I'm kinda tired of being left in the dark. I've dealt with three years of your vague hocus pocus answers. Just speak up man! And hell, I'm not even leaving this place! Me and Juliet, we're staying. So I got no interest in whatever you're doin'. I'm…"

Richard abruptly stopped him. "You're being selfish! And that is _exactly_ why Jacob isn't done with you."

_What the hell!_ Every sentence out of Richard's mouth now just added to everyone's confusion. Sawyer felt Jack's hand on his right shoulder and heard him say "Richard, if you want us to go to Hydra with you, why are we sitting here next to that thing?" Jack pointed at the remains of the Statue.

"Because this where Jacob resides."


	21. Claire's journey

Jacob was nothing like any of them had expected. When they all turned their heads into the direction of the Statue, the man walking towards them looked so ordinary it almost felt like they were being tricked into playing another island game. Seriously, _that _was Jacob? What had they expected? An old priest maybe? A pre-historic looking island inhabitant? Sawyer over the years had even warmed up to Horace's theory: that Jacob was a god-like creature, the centre of a local religion, a being without any physical form, a figment of someone's imagination.

But what came walking towards them was a totally normal looking human being. Jacob was tall, with blonde hair and simple clothes. He could even be called handsome. The only thing that stood out as extraordinary was his calm exterior which went beyond any type of calmness that they were used to from Richard (or Juliet, Sawyer thought). Jacob was not calm in a cool or distant way. There was something serene and charismatic about him. It confused Sawyer. This man was either the conman of conmen or he was truly who Richard had always said he was: the leader and protector of the island.

The blonde man – with half a smile on his face – sat down next to Richard, opposite from Sawyer. "Jacob is ready to make a deal with you" Richard started.

Jacob lifted up his left hand. "It's ok Richard. I'll take it from here." He spoke in a subdued voice as if he was putting forth a request instead of giving an order. Richard nodded and kept quiet. Jacob looked around their group. His eyes were friendly and he nodded briefly at each of them as a non-verbal greeting. Everyone was quiet for a while.

Finally Hurley stood up and walked over while holding out his hand. "I'm Hurley" he offered as an introduction. Jacob took his hand. "I already know that Hugo." Hurley, slightly embarrassed, let go of Jacob's hand and sat back down. "In fact" Jacob continued. "I know all of you. Since I'm the one who brought you here." His story so far matched Richard's.

"Why?" Jack managed to ask. "How?" Sun asked at the exact same moment.

"There are several reasons. It would take too much time to share all of them." Jacob paused and folded his hands together. "Most importantly, you were all selected because your lives required a fresh start. I've met each and every one of you before you came here. Do you not remember me Sun?" He looked at the only woman in the group, who was staring back at him suspiciously.

"No…" she answered, but while she spoke here eyes widened and her hand went to her mouth. "You… you were at my wedding" she stammered.

"Yes I was."

Over the next few minutes, Jacob informed them of where and how he'd met them. And they all remembered as he spoke. It was like a forgotten memory suddenly resurfaced. Sawyer could even describe Jacob's clothes and the color of the pen he'd given him at his parents' funeral. And the man looked exactly the same as on that awful day more than thirty years ago. Jacob was like Richard. He didn't age.

Jacob explained how he had managed to get them all together on that day in Sydney: the day that Oceanic 815 had taken off. None of them felt angry. The bizarreness of the story was already enough to take in without getting emotional over it. While talking, Jacob transported them all back to their pre-island lives and they all knew they'd been pretty miserable back then. Sawyer felt uneasy as he was being reminded of the man he used to be. He looked down at his feet and attempted to push the memories away to the far corners of his brain. It didn't work.

Jacob continued talking about his own job, Richard's position, and his reasons for going on this quest to find a replacement for himself. But his words were often cryptic and it was hard to really find out what his job actually was, what 'replacement' meant, and why he had chosen _them _out of so many (weren't there more miserable people out there that he could have picked?).

"My goal is not to make you stay against your will" he finally said. "If none of you offers to take this position out of free will, I will continue with my search. That is my journey and I will follow its path until the end has come. Whenever that may be." He brought his forehead close to his folded hands and closed his eyes, as going into prayer. His lips moved but there was no sound. When he opened his eyes he looked right at Sawyer. "You have to forgive Richard for calling you selfish. I know he didn't mean for it to sound that harsh. But" and he placed his right hand on Richard's left shoulder "this is a man who long ago lost everything that he loved. Some of us break down at the mere thought of loss. Others lose everything and still stand strong." He removed his hand form Richard's shoulder while continuing to stare at Sawyer. "I know you love Juliet, but I ask you to examine once more your reason for asking her to stay."

He turned his attention from James to the entire group. "I ask you all to examine your motives, whether you want to stay or leave. If you want to be free from this island, it takes more than the simple act of leaving. Your motives need to be as pure as a glass of crystal clear water. If your conscience is polluted you will find that this island can drive people crazy. You know all about that, don't you Jack." Jack looked away. Jack felt the embarrassment grow as tears started welling up.

"I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. I'm sorry for what you've lost. But you weren't done here yet" Jacob told him, his voice no more than a whisper.

"Am I done now?" Jack asked without looking up.

"Do you want to be?"

"I don't know."

* * *

_Back at the beach_

_That man is not John Locke. _Claire's words were hanging in the air. It sounded so absurd that they were all too taken aback to respond immediately. Miles was the first to speak. "Have you _looked_ at him? Unless he has a twin brother, he sure looks like John Locke."

"Yes he does. But it's not him." Claire answered. Desmond's boat was completely deflated by now.

"I…" Kate stammered, looking at Locke. "I've seen your body. You were dead."

"He _is _still dead!" Claire was becoming emotional now. "_That _is just his body. He just _looks _like Locke. _He_ is trying to trick us."

"Who is _he_?" Juliet asked.

"Jacob's brother. He is Jacob's brother."

Everyone was silent after that comment. Their eyes were all fixed on John.

"You disappoint me Claire." John spoke while joggling his knife between his hands. He walked up to Claire slowly.

Kate pushed the girl behind her. She had started to feel very protective of Claire of the past few weeks, despite her weird behavior. John continued to approach them until he was just a foot away. He stared into Kate's eyes. Kate recognized that fearless determination that Locke had always had. But there was something else there. _Are his eyes darker? _His look was hypnotizing. It was like he was almost laughing at her.

She felt Claire letting go of her hands and move away from her. _What is she doing? _The girl slowly took a few steps towards John and he simply wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry" she muttered. "I'm so sorry." John stroked her hair like a loving father while saying "It's ok. We can fix this." Then he pulled her close and whispered in her ear "I know you think Jacob will rescue you again. But he won't. This time, you're on your own."

* * *

_Statue of Taweret ~ at that exact same moment_

Quite abruptly, Jacob got up. Something in his expression had changed, as if a disturbing thought had entered his mind. It only lasted a second before his facial expression returned to its usual serene calmness. He turned to Richard and told him they had to move on now. It was clear that their meeting was over.

He looked down at all of them. "You have to excuse me now. I have work to do." He then told them to leave. He would know in good time what their individual decisions would be.

With the meeting suddenly coming to an end, questions started popping up in Sawyer's head. Where had Jacob come from? Was he human? Why had he selected him when there were so many criminals, murderers, thieves out there? What about all the crimes he had committed while being on the island? And how did he know that he and Juliet were staying? But Jacob was done and had turned around to head back to the Statue. Sawyer's questions would remain unanswered for now. One by one they all stood and started following Richard, who already continued walking north along the beach line.

* * *

_Flashback ~ three years ago _

All of her grief over losing Charlie disappeared in that moment. All of her worries about Aaron and her own insecurities about motherhood simply vanished. She no longer felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. When he came to her in the middle of the night and woke her up by touching her face, there had been a brief moment of panic. But when she looked into his eyes, the warmest feeling started filling her head and heart. This was the father she had always missed and had always wanted. A father who would take care of her worries, who would protect her, who would stay with her forever. He looked exactly like her real father. But nothing in this man's doing resembled the person she had met back then. When he told her she no longer had to worry about Aaron, that he was safe with her friends, she instantly believed him. And when he had asked her to come with him she did so without hesitating for a second.

It wasn't until a few weeks later – when she had mentioned she wanted to go see her old friends and see her son – that he had started to act differently. Her friends had left her, he said. Aaron was gone. She had made a choice by following him and she now had to deal with the consequences. The people she had been with before were unreliable. They were evil.

He started to leave her by herself for days in a row, telling her he had _business elsewhere._ And with every day that passed, she felt more miserable. The pink cloud of fatherly comfort started to fade. At one point she had been on her own for more than two months and took a decision. She would start looking for Aaron by herself.

_End of flashback_

* * *

_Beach camp_

They were still standing by the boat. Locke had let go of Claire but stayed right next to her, one hand still on her shoulder. They had all seen that he'd whispered something into her ear before pulling back his arms.

Somehow, Juliet believed what Claire had said. This man wasn't John Locke. Claire could be traumatized or crazy or both, but she wasn't a fraud. Whoever this man was, he was nothing like the John Locke Juliet had known. And Claire seemed honestly afraid of him. It was a fear that Juliet recognized. That's how she had feared Ben once upon a time.

"What's going on Claire?" Juliet asked as she was trying to catch her eye. Claire didn't respond. Instead she just looked at the ground as if she wanted to disappear from this scene.

* * *

_Flashback ~ two years ago_

Claire was leaning back against a tree, her eyes closed. She just needed a few minutes of sleep. For the past few months she had started taking little naps throughout the day, instead of long hours of deep sleep during the night. Her dreams had become uncomfortable and restless and she had willed herself to stay up most nights. At least during day time any nightmare images disappeared by simply opening her eyes.

She had been on her own for such a long time now. Wasn't there anyone left on this island? Where were her friends? Where was her father? Where were these _Other_ people? Maybe they had never been here? Maybe she had imagined everything? Maybe there had never been a guy named Charlie? Maybe she had never been pregnant? _I'm losing my mind._

She dreamt she was giving birth again. She was leaning back against a rock and sweat was pouring down her face. The pain of labor was overwhelming and she moaned in her sleep. She felt someone shaking her shoulders lightly. When she opened her eyes, there was a dark haired man kneeling in front of her. "Claire" he said calmly. "My name is Richard Alpert."

The man seemed to have stepped right out of Western civilization. His shirt was clean, his hair well cut, his voice clear, his confidence apparent. Was he real? He asked her to follow him to his camp and Claire accepted his invitation. This man had a camp! That meant that probably more people were here. How could she not have run into them before?

Richard treated her differently from all the other people at his camp. She had her own tent and she could sense that people were cautious around her. But still, being here was far better than being out there in the jungle by herself. And after a few weeks, she'd settled in as best as she possibly could. These people here could be her new friends. And maybe, just maybe, things would be all right. Richard told her that every member of his camp was blessed with special protection. And even though she was different, a man named Jacob would also keep an eye on her. Claire took in all Richard's words without asking questions. He didn't ask about her father. But she could tell by the way he looked at her that he knew.

One night it had been cold for a change. Extra fires had been built to keep everyone warm during diner. And people were assigned to keep them burning all night for some extra heat. Claire had been part of the hunting team that day and the successful trip had led to an abundant meal and a good atmosphere amongst Richard's people. She was now vast asleep, her left arm tucked under her head as a pillow, her right arm tucked away under a blanket. She hadn't dreamt about Aaron for days. And she hadn't thought about _him _for even longer. She felt safe.

Until that night. She woke up because a hand was pressing down her mouth and nose. She'd wanted to scream but the pressure of the hand only increased. When she opened her eyes, she could see it was him. She recognized the shape of his face, his hair, his hand. But his eyes! His eyes were pitch black, like empty holes. And the words he spoke she would never forget. "You're mine, Claire. You are mine."

_End of flashback_

* * *

_Beach camp_

John let go of Claire's shoulder and walked towards Desmond. "How can we contact your boat?" he asked. "You must have some kind of communication device. A satellite phone maybe?"

Desmond hesitated. "I…" he stammered, clearly confused.

"What is in your bag?" John continued and he pointed his knife at Desmond's small backpack.

"Just… some food and water" Desmond answered. But he wasn't a good liar and everyone could tell that that backpack contained something else. With one swift move John cut one of the shoulder straps with his knife and the bag fell into the sand. He slowly picked it up while holding his knife still up in the air. He opened it and after some searching took out something that looked indeed like a fancy walkie-talkie. "There you go" he said and handed the device to the Scotsman. "I believe you know how to operate this thing. Why don't you make a call and ask for another lifeboat to come to shore?"

Desmond took the phone but he didn't make any attempt to use it. He looked at Claire.

"Make the call Desmond." John's voice still sounded friendly but his eyes grew angry.

"What if I don't?"

"If you don't, your friend Miles here won't live to see another day."


	22. The dark side

**I'm sorry it has taken me a while to update! Just a quick recap: Sawyer and co have met with Jacob and are now on their way to Hydra island with Richard. Richard has offered to help them contact Eloise Hawking, so their plan is to get back to the Ajira plane. Both Desmond and John Locke, aka the Man in Black, have shown up at the beach. Desmond came to rescue everyone (and clear is own conscience) but Claire has ruined his boat. Since the Man in Black is set on getting off the island by using Desmond's ship (the ship where Penny is at), he is now threatening to kill Miles unless he gets his way... **

**Hope you enjoy it! And thanks for still reading.**

* * *

"Hold on a minute." Miles put his hands up in the air. "I'm not doing anything here. Leave me out of your little… whatever this is!" He instinctively took a few steps away from Locke and his knife.

"Miles hasn't done anything to you. Why would you threaten him?" Juliet looked at John's face, as she was still trying to figure out _who_ she really was talking to.

"Because he's the only one here that he can actually harm" Claire responded.

Miles head snapped towards Claire, his facial expression matching a non-verbal 'what the hell?'

"What do you mean?" Jin asked, but Claire kept silent while fixing her eyes on the ground again.

"It seems like you are all left out on some essential information." Locke spoke. He lowered his knife, causing Miles to exhale. "Jacob may have placed most of you under his wing, but not all of you." John continued. "I guess Claire forgot to mention that." He turned his attention back to Desmond. "Now, where were we? Desmond. How about that phone call?"

Desmond looked at Juliet, Jin and Kate, searching their faces for some kind of advice on what to do.

"If you don't make the call, none of us are going anywhere. Except for Miles, that is" John added. "Your trip will have been a total failure."

"Make the call Desmond." Juliet finally said.

Desmond stared down at the telephone device in his left hand, brought it upwards in front of his chest, and pressed the power switch.

* * *

Noise. A cracking noise. Desmond pressed some buttons and started walking around. "Damn it" he cursed inwardly.

John followed him with his eyes. "Don't tell me it's not working. I know it works, Desmond."

"Just give me a minute will you?" Desmond answered agitated as he walked away from the group, holding out the phone in different directions in search of a signal. John slowly followed him.

"Shouldn't we go with them?" Kate asked. She stared after Locke and Desmond.

"He won't hurt Desmond." Claire replied while moving closer to Kate and grabbing her hand.

Miles, a bit more at ease now that John was a few meters further away from him, let his anger escape. "What kind of creepy game are you playing?" he snapped at Claire.

"He wants us to help him leave the island." Claire answered.

"I don't care about what he wants. I'm talking about you and you're little secrets. You said we were all safe. And now this mad man here is pointing a knife at me while threatening to kill me!"

"Miles, back off. This isn't her fault." Kate interfered.

Miles was about to respond when Desmond suddenly started talking loudly. They all hurried towards where he and Locke were standing, Miles making sure he stayed behind Jin and Juliet.

"Pen, listen to me. You have to send another boat to the island. My boat got dama…." The cracking noise came back. "Damn it." Desmond cursed out loud this time, while moving the phone into different directions again away from his body.

"Desmond?" A woman's voice came through the phone. Desmond pulled the device back to his ear.

"Penny! Listen to me. Send another boat. But you can't come yourself. Send one of the guys. Promise me you won't come. Please!"

The distant female voice replied "Des. I can't reach you. I already tried to get another boat out there. But the coordinates don't work. They don't work!"

"What do you mean they don't work?"

"We tried several times. But the GPS fluctuates. I could see the island, but I couldn't get any closer! What's going on Des? You've been gone for days!"

"I'm all right. Just, please. Don't come to the island yourself. Send one of the guys. Keep trying."

A loud squeaking noise filled the air. Desmond dropped the phone as if it had burnt him and pressed his hands to his ears. After a few seconds the sound abruptly stopped. When it was gone, Locke reached for the phone lying in the sand. He handed it back to Desmond who tried to switch it back on. Nothing happened.

"Come on!" Desmond grumbled, hitting the phone with one hand against the other.

"Let me try." Juliet walked up to him and took the phone gently out of his hands. "It's dead" Desmond commented, stating the obvious.

After another minute of unsuccessfully trying to switch it on, Juliet gave up as well. "It's no use."

John shook his head and let out a chuckle. "Oh, Jacob."

* * *

_On the way to Hydra island_

There was a slight breeze along the coastline and it made their walk a bit more comfortable. Richard had been walking ahead of the rest. He hadn't spoken more than a few words to any of them. His attention was divided between the cliffs ahead of them and the ocean to their left. It wasn't unusual for Richard to be quiet and Sawyer thought nothing of it. Though it was weird they were taking such a detour to get to Hydra island. Cutting through the jungle would be a lot quicker. But Richard always had his reasons.

Sawyer kept re-running their meeting with Jacob in his head. _'__I know you love Juliet, but I ask you to examine once more your reason for asking her to stay.' _How could Jacob have known that? But then again, he seemed to know things about all of them. Private details, personal stuff, like Jack breaking down after he left the island. He looked over his left shoulder to Jack, who was walking a few meters behind him.

"You ok, Doc?"

Jack nodded in response, even though everything about the man told a different story. He looked pale, tired and depressed. Sawyer slowed his pace so that Jack could catch up with him.

"We'll get you off the island Jack. Kate too, no worries."

"I'm not sure that's the answer."

Sawyer kept quiet, waiting for Jack to explain what he meant by that. When it was obvious he wasn't going to elaborate, Sawyer asked the question he'd been wanting to ask for a while.

"What happened off island that was so terrible?"

He knew Jack and Kate had been engaged, and he knew that they'd separated. But there had to be more to the story than a broken-off relationship.

"I went back to drinking. That's what happened."

"Mind tellin' me why?"

Jack grimaced. "You know what's so funny, Sawyer? All I tried to do was get as many people off this island as possible. I tried to get us all rescued. And you? You never really tried to save anyone. And you somehow ended up with the better deal." A painful expression took over Jack's face. He brought his right hand to his forehead and pressed his fingers on his eyebrows. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair."

"I'm well past what's fair or unfair Doc. And you're probably right. But you ain't answering my question. What made you turn back to the bottle?"

Jack sighed loudly. "I don't know. I just felt… I had let so many people down. Kate, Juliet… Claire…"

"I wouldn't worry too much about little Miss Claire. She became weird before y'all left. Who in their right mind leaves their baby in the middle of the jungle?"

"She's my sister."

James stopped dead in his tracks. That was the absolute last thing he'd expected to hear. Jack stopped walking as well and looked Sawyer in the eye. "I know it's insane, but it's true. I found out not too long ago. She is…. We have the same father."

"Shit Doc. That's…."

"Crazy, I know. Must run in the family." Jack displayed a cynical smile.

Sawyer nodded uncomfortably, not knowing how to react. His mind drifted off to that night in the jungle, the night Claire had been with him. To his own surprise he had felt protective of her. He remembered that in all the craziness back then he wanted to keep Claire safe. But he failed. And look at her now.

"Guys! Keep moving!" Hurley shouted from up front.

"Let's go." Jack said, waking James from his thoughts. "Hurley is well ahead of us. I guess the tables have turned. We've become the slow guys."

Sawyer grinned at that while mumbling "Nothing ever stays the same."

"Maybe that's the point, Sawyer."

_Maybe._

As he started walking again, he put his right hand into the pocket of his jeans to touch the little black sachet holding the ring.

* * *

_Back at the beach_

Lockewas standing by the water. He had been staring out at the ocean for more than half an hour in some sort of a trance. But even though he was looking the other way, they all could sense that he was aware of every move behind him. Claire could still feel him breathing down her neck. His physical appearance might have changed from the first time she met him, his approach was still the same. She could feel him even when he wasn't around. She leaned over to Kate and whispered something in her ear.

"You don't have to do that Claire." Kate answered.

"Yes I do."

"Do what?" Miles was leaning forward to make out what Claire was saying to Kate.

"Leave you. He always knows exactly where I am. It's like he has marked me. As long as you're with me, you cannot get away from him. I'm so sorry." She started stammering. "All I wanted was to get back to Aaron. Now I've ruined your chances of going home."

"What's done is done Claire" Juliet said, while placing a hand on Miles' shoulder.

John came walking back from the water. "Everyone ready to go?"

"What do you mean 'everyone'?" Jin asked.

"I thought your English had improved? I need to talk to Jacob and then we're getting our own boat, since Desmond's wife probably won't come through." John turned around and started walking North. He briefly stopped and turned around. "Oh, and Claire? In case you are thinking of sneaking off, go right ahead. I don't need you anymore. I've got all these new friends now." He smiled and turned his back on them. "Let's go!"

"This is messed up." Miles said.

Jin walked over to Juliet. "We can't go anywhere. We have to wait for Sun. And for Sawyer, Jack… If we leave they won't know where we are."

Juliet looked at him, knowing that he was probably right. "We can't Jin. If his knife skills are anything like John's, he's very capable of killing Miles. We can't risk that." She sighed lightly and tried to smile at him. "Sun and James will find us. Things will be ok." Then she bent down and wrote a message in the sand.

_We are on our way to Jacob. Jacob's brother = Locke._

* * *

_On the way to Hydra_

"So tell me Richard. How is this gonna work? Say we fix the phone. We connect with this Eloise woman. She sends someone over. And then what?"

"Then we let you go."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"What about the dark side to this story?" Sawyer looked over at Richard. How come this man hardly seemed to sweat?

"The dark side is your own business. But if you're referring to the Black Smoke, we just have to outsmart him." Richard laughed out loud. "He's not a magical creature, James. There's logic to his actions. And where's logic, there's predictability."

"And I'm guessing the Oracle gave you his prognosis."

"He doesn't need to. I've been around both of them long enough to know their ways quite well."

Richard stopped, pulled a water bottle out of his backpack and took a sip. They were well ahead of the rest. He wiped his mouth and offered the bottle to James.

"When the time and the coordinates are set, anyone wishing to leave will need to be out in the open water. You may be there for a couple of days. But before that, we need to create a constant diversion. Make him look the other way at all times."

"You mean bait?"

"Exactly."

"How about we just kill him?" He handed the bottle back to Richard.

"He's already dead. You find a way to eliminate the dead, let me know."

Sawyer let the words sink in for a minute. It wasn't a great surprise that both Jacob and his brother were not really part of the human race. But what were they? And did he even want to know?

"Allright, how do we create the bait?"

"It's already been done."

"What do you mean?"

"He's probably with your friends as we speak."

_Juliet!_


	23. It's almost over

**It's almost over guys! I think one or two more chapters after this one. Thanks for sticking by me. Especially my most loyal reviewers eyeon, GencoOliveOil and Marla's lost :) I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up with the holidays and all. But I will definitely finish this! So please.. review, review, review. I know Lost is long over, but I know there are still readers out there, hehe. Happy holidays!**

* * *

Juliet was trying to catch Miles' eye. He seemed to have calmed down during the walk up here, but she knew him too well to be fooled. He was still nervous. The fact that he had continuously been kicking little pieces of rock ahead of him while walking or the fact that he had hardly spoken a word were easy enough signs for both her and Jin to realize how he was actually doing. When Miles was on top of his game he was chatty and he'd rejoice in commenting on everything and everyone. Right now, he was at the opposite end of the spectrum. And she knew what else was playing through his mind (as well as through the minds of Jin and Kate probably): this is where Richard had summoned their friends to meet him.

The giant foot seemed totally out of place in its surroundings. Even though Juliet had seen it before during her first three years on the island, she had never been this close. And during their time in the Dharma initiative she had never been here since it had been hostile territory. It was hard to imagine how incredibly huge the statue must have been up close in its full length (what had happened to it, anyway?). 'John' had disappeared behind it over half an hour ago with nothing but the warning that if any of them would try and run, he wouldn't be so lenient during their next encounter.

"Miles?"

"Hmmm."

"Come sit down." Juliet patted on the rock next to her. Miles looked at her but made no attempt to stop his nervous shifting from one foot to another. She changed her tactic. "Has Horace ever said anything to you about this place?"

That caught his attention. He walked up to her and sat down. He leaned over to her so their faces were only inches apart. "You remember how hostile territory was divided into different zones?" She nodded in response. "Those zones were never defined by the Dharma folks. They were defined by the Hostiles. Probably by Richard."

"I know. James told me that."

Miles leaned back a bit and rolled his eyes. "Wow. You two really _do _share everything. That was classified info. Did he also tell you that the place we're at right now was the most classified part? This was a total no go area. You enter, you die. That sort of thing."

Juliet stared at him, slightly amazed. That was something James _hadn't_ shared with her. Not back in Dharma, and not on the day Richard's letter was delivered to their camp.

"Do you have any idea what this place is?" she asked Miles, while trying to keep a calm voice.

Miles shook his head. "Horace always said that he thought it was a religious place for them. But I'm not sure he really believed that himself."

"What do you think he really thought it was?"

"Don't know. Maybe Orchid Extra Large? Never really asked. We've never had any reason to come out here, so it didn't matter."

"Until now."

"Until now."

* * *

_On the way to Hydra_

The soil felt soggy. Like it had been raining here recently. Looking down, James could make out the shapes of the barracks. _Home._ Or at least it had been. Just like the two previous times he had been here since flashing back to 2007, he felt his stomach tighten at the sight of decay that was affecting the houses. It had only been three years since people lived here and nature was already taking over.

Richard had eased his mind about Juliet being in any danger. But his comments on Miles' safety were alarming. Sawyer had to focus on staying calm. He and Miles had climbed the very hill he was now standing on once, about two years back. They had been embarrassingly drunk. Sawyer had used a bad fight with Juliet as an excuse. Miles simply fell back on the line that 'no man should drink alone.' That day, late afternoon, they had half walked, half rolled down hill, to great amusement of some bystanders. Horace had been really pissed off with him ('that is NOT the example I want my new head of security to set around here'). After coming home, Juliet had only given him her famous icy glare while putting down a glass of water in front of him. Then she had simply walked off to have dinner with Amy.

But that was two years ago. Now the little town was empty, Juliet was hours away and Miles was possibly in serious danger. Sawyer started descending the hill first and everyone followed. Richard passed him halfway down.

"Everything allright?" Sawyer asked, while speeding up.

Richard didn't answer. He looked over his shoulders and moved his right hand up through the air. "Let's hurry up people!" he yelled at Hurley and Frank who were straggling some fifty meters away.

* * *

_Inside the Statue of Taweret_

"Every day, my hate for you just seems to grow."

"I know that brother."

"You know that one of the people out there I _can_ actually kill. And I will do it with great pleasure. If it's not for my own benefit, then I will do it simply to annoy you."

"It is not in my interest whether you kill him or not. He means nothing to this island."

John sighed. They had played this game many times before. "So why is he here then, your greatness? Since everything has to have a purpose with you."

Jacob grinned. "Everything does have a purpose. But the context of 'everything' goes well beyond what you think or know. I thought you would have learned by now."

Jacob straightened his back and turned his head towards John. "Miles came here to help kill Benjamin Linus. I was not against that, so I let them come."

"So, the people on the ship that is here right now are not beneficial to your 'context'?"

"Let's just say that things didn't work out as planned the last time. I have become a little stricter about who can get here and who can't. Even _I _still have things to learn."

"I wish you would just learn how to die."

"Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky."

"If I can't kill you, at least I can leave you."

"I doubt that."

"You're wrong there my friend. There are canoes here on this island that can get me to that ship. And I can get to them faster than you at all times."

Jacob leaned forward and folded his hands together. "Are you sure about that?"

* * *

_Outside the Statue_

It would be dark in about three hours. It was a two hour walk back to their camp, though they all realized that going back was not in the cards tonight. No one had said a word in a while as they were all anxiously waiting for what would come next. When silence was finally broken, it wasn't by John Locke returning to their group. From the far end of the statue, a rumbling sound emerged. They all knew what that meant. Even Desmond remembered, since it was the same sound that had haunted him in some recent dreams. Jin, who – in a brave attempt to check things out – had walked towards the ocean, turned around instantly and ran back towards the rest of the group.

Massive black smoke erupted from the insides of the statue remains. It swirled upwards into the sky and within seconds the entire area surrounding the Statue was covered in blackness. The smoke moved around in circles, restless, reaching heights of at least ten meters. The deep growling sound grew stronger. If this was indeed the same thing that had inhabited John's body, it was now definitely furious as hell. A loud cracking sound filled the air as if stones were being torn off their familiar spots. Sand was swept up into the sky, creating a nasty dust that made everyone cover their eyes. Then the smoke moved forward, rapidly, straight through their group, knocking over Jin on its way. And then it was gone, off into the jungle.

The sound vanished and the dust slowly sank back to earth. When Juliet uncovered her eyes, she could see that a few large rocks had indeed fallen of the statue onto the beach. Jin lifted himself from the ground.

"You OK?" Juliet asked worried while walking up to him.

"I am ok. I only fell. It did not harm me."

The Korean looked over his right shoulder to where rocks had fallen.

"I want to go see what is there." He said as he started walking towards the statue.

* * *

_On the way to Hydra_

The canoes were right where they'd left them weeks ago. The dock was slippery and they had to move carefully. Stains of Ben and Miles' blood were still visible on the wooden insides of the canoes. Hurley grimaced at the sight of it. At the bottom of the boats, a layer of water remained from the rains.

"Let's get these things ready" Richard instructed and he started pulling one of the canoes onto the dock. Sawyer grabbed the other end and together they pulled the boat out so it could be turned over. Frank and Jack had moved onto the second boat. After a few minutes both canoes were free of rainwater and back into their original position. Sawyer moved to get into the first boat when Richard suddenly sighed heavily. The man brought his right hand to his face and pressed his temples with his thumb and middle finger.

"You allright there man?" Hurley asked.

Richard removed his hand from his face, but his eyes remained shut and his eyebrows were squeezed as if he were suffering from a sudden headache. Then his face relaxed again and he opened his eyes.

"We have to get you out on the water. Right now" was all he said.

"We? Sounds like you ain't comin'?" Sawyer asked.

"Sun, you get into the boat with Jack and Frank." Richard continued, while ignoring Sawyer's question. "Hurley, you take this one with James." Sun and Hurley passed them and carefully climbed into the canoes.

Richard turned to Sawyer and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Listen to me very carefully" he whispered. "The plan has changed. You cannot go to Hydra island anymore. There is no time. And no need. Paddle to the West, as far onto open water as you can. And don't come back to this place."

"What are you talkin' about man? I ain't leaving this island."

Not in a million years would he leave the island while Juliet was still on it. And what did Richard mean when he said there was 'no need' anymore? There was all the need in the world. Getting back to that plane was his friends' only chance off this rock. He looked at Richard, trying to read what was going on in his head. The guy had pissed him off on multiple occasions with his sharp comments or rough negotiating skills. But this time, things seemed different. Richard was making no sense, and that scared Sawyer. Richard normally _always _made sense, whether you liked it or not.

"I am not going to stand here and argue with you James. Just trust me on this one. Now go!"

"I ain't trusting nobody. Least of all you. Juliet is here, Miles is here, …"

"James." Richard interrupted. He let out a small laugh. "Are you honestly planning on spending your life on this island with Juliet?" His hand was still on Sawyer's shoulder and James felt the fingers squeeze a little bit. "Don't you want to get her home?" Richard whispered.

"Sawyer?" It was Jack. "What's going on?"

Sawyer looked up. Everyone was already sitting in the boats. Hurley was still by himself, waiting for Sawyer and Richard to join him. "Dudes, let's go."

"I'm not coming Hugo." Richard removed his hands from Sawyers shoulder and took a few steps back. He shook his head. "I'm telling you James. Leave this place" he said while continuing to walk backwards, away from the canoes. Sawyer remained still on the dock. He needed time to think. What the hell was he supposed to do?

"Dude…"

"Gimme a minute here OK?" Sawyer snapped. _And can you cut it with the 'dude' for once? _He looked at Hurley, ready to tell him just that. Thoughts of Juliet were impacting his manners as well as his decisiveness. The sight of Hurley was a weird one though. The guy's mouth was hanging half open and his eyes had grown big. Unusually big, like he'd just seen a ghost. "Dude…" he repeated. He was staring right passed Sawyer.

Sawyer looked at the other canoe. Jack, Frank and Sun were also staring passed him with some sort of shock or disbelief in their eyes. When he turned around he could see Richard standing at the end of the dock with his face turned towards the hill slide behind the barracks. Something was up there.

This time they could see it before they could hear it. The thick, black smoke came rolling downhill at high speed. It took down trees, rocks and mud with it on its way to the water. What had taken them an hour would take this 'thing' just a few minutes.

"James, you have to go now!" Richard pleaded. He ran back towards them. "It can't cross water when it shows up as smoke. It can only cross in man form, and then it still needs a boat. It must not leave! So go!"

"What about you?"

"I'm staying here." Richard says. "I can never leave. Who knows, maybe it will set me free this time."

Sawyer jumped into the canoe and grabbed the paddle that Hurley handed him. Richard bent down and pushed off the boat. "Do as I said. Paddle to the West, away from the island." And this time, the tone in his voice made Sawyer believe that Richard was actually looking out for their best interest. The smoke had reached the barracks by now and roof tiles and window panes flew of the houses. It was like the island's own personal hurricane.

"Let's go Hugo" Sawyer said, as he felt his heart starting to race. They quickly backed out of the small bay and onto open water. For a little while they heard nothing but breaking branches and the heavy pounding they'd heard so many times before. Then there was screaming. Richard. Sawyer felt nausea settling in his stomach. Jack, Sun and Frank had stopped to look around.

"Keep paddling!" Sawyer yelled. They couldn't stop until he was sure they were far enough.

They all kept going for a good ten minutes. When no more sounds could be heard, Sawyer lowered his paddle. His hands were lightly shaking. Hurley stopped paddling as well and called out to the other boat. They all turned around to where the island was. The smoke was 'sitting' on the shore without moving. Sawyer could feel it was staring at them. Like it was _reading _them. Then it retreated slowly, giving in to its current defeat. When it was gone, a small figure remained on the shore, lying lifeless on the ground.


	24. Penny's boat

There hadn't really been a lengthy argument. Just some old fashioned name calling and shouting back and forth between the two canoes. Jack was pissed at Sawyer for not pushing Richard for Eloise Hawking's info. Sawyer was pissed at Jack because, well, it was still Jack. James was worried about Juliet, worried sick about Miles. Being worried was nauseating, being angry was easy. Besides, Jack could still get under his skin and who the hell was the Doc to yell at him anyway! But both men's anger was short lived. Some calming words from Frank and some decisive words from Sun soothed the atmosphere.

Sawyer could see smoke spiraling upwards at the far end of the small island, probably coming from campfires that were being lit as the survivors of the Ajira plane prepared for the upcoming night. Signs of life. But there was no point in continuing on that road now. They agreed on going back to the main island instead. Back to Jin, Juliet, Kate. Back to Miles. And then back to Jacob. Something had gone wrong and Jacob was their best hope on getting things fixed. Richard's compelling request to head West onto open water was thrown into the wind, just like that.

Sawyer grabbed his paddle, stains of Miles' blood staring at him from the bottom of the canoe. He tried to ignore them and firmly started rowing in the direction of their beach camp. Everyone else followed his lead. The sun was going to set in an hour or two. The camp was halfway across the island, but if they kept going, they might make it before dark.

Wind was gaining strength, causing the canoes to rock with the growing waves. At Frank's suggestion, they tried to move a little bit closer to the island in search of calmer water. It was obviously low tide though and a strong off-island current made it impossible to make any real progress that way. A waste of precious energy. Sawyer looked over his left shoulder. Hurley was breathing hard, sweat pouring down his face. Jack, Frank and Sun, with the advantage of an extra pair of hands on board, passed them on the left side. They too were having a hard time ploughing through the water.

"Let's get a little further onto open water! Waves might be less high there!" Jack yelled above the wind. Sawyer nodded, and both canoes angled to the right, away from the island.

* * *

He was watching the canoes slowly disappear towards the horizon. Richard had probably been aware of the ship and had told them about that. _Damn them_. The Man in Black, back in his human form, was leaning back against a boulder and closed his eyes.

This body was comfortable. So much more comfortable than the alcohol wretched one he was in before. No, this recent body was fit, even though it didn't look all that young. Being smoke was an exhausting state to be in. In human form he could rest, regain his strength. And that was exactly what he needed now. He was tired and his muscles were aching. Killing an eternal soul was far more intense than killing a normal one. But it had been the only one around and he had needed something to work off his anger. And truth be told: Richard had this one coming for a long time. The Man in Black had never expected it to be possible though. If he could pull this one off, maybe it meant that his powers were growing?

He had secretly hoped the extra work would mean extra satisfaction. And when he'd seen streaks of grey emerge in Richard's thick black hair, he'd felt proud. _That's what you get for getting in my way. _But when Richard had opened his eyes briefly, his smugness had vanished. Richard had looked happy. Thankful almost. _I did him a favour…_

His anger flared again and he looked at the body lying further down the beach. For a moment he thought about taking it, just to pull a stunt on everyone else. His current appearance was already too well known. But Richard was a bloody mess. Besides, the grey hair would alarm people. No. Switching bodies was not what he needed right now. What he needed was rest. And a new plan.

* * *

_At the Statue of Taweret_

They were gone. And Jacob would not let them get back.

Oh no… This was _not_ how it was going to be. She had _not _spent six years (or was it seven already?) on this island to get fed this story. She felt dizzy. Her heartbeat was pounding against the insides of her skull.

It was now quiet inside Jacob's residence. Their own breathing and the small waves rolling onto the beach were the only sounds penetrating the stillness. The light from a small fire in the centre of the room casted large human shaped shadows onto the walls.

Jin had lowered his head into his hands, his shoulders were lightly shaking. Miles had awkwardly placed a hand on his friend's back, a sign of clumsy but heartfelt comfort. Kate and Claire were sitting next to each other, motionless. Desmond had stepped outside. He needed fresh air. His backpack was standing next to his empty seat.

Jacob started to talk again. Juliet could see his mouth moving, but she couldn't make out his words. It was like her ears had stopped functioning, or maybe the pounding noise in her brain drowned out all other sounds.

_James._

He never even wanted to leave! He wanted to stay here on the island. He'd asked her to stay with him and she'd agreed. Oh, the bittersweet irony of it all. For a minute the dusty old ghosts that had been tucked away in the far corners of her mind came back to life, filling her head with cynical thoughts. _Here you are again. Left behind. By a man… _She tried to shake them off and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't need this old crap.

Juliet felt someone staring at her and when she looked up her eyes met Kate's. A friendly, slightly worried look. A non-verbal 'are you ok?' It was the distraction she needed. Juliet forced out a weak smile before turning her head to the right. Sound came pouring back in.

"What _are_ you exactly? The local island god?" It was Miles, addressing Jacob.

"I'm not a god. I am the islands keeper. Its protector" was the answer he got.

"More like a prison keeper" Miles muttered, while digging the toes of his shoes a little deeper into the sand. "But for the record… what are you protecting it from?" He added, his voice growing quieter with every word.

"This island is special. It has large electromagnetic forces that can, _if _the wrong people get access to them, cause irreparable damage. I'm protecting the island from evil."

"That's it?" Miles asked, surprised. "I don't buy that man. You let the Dharma Initiative drill right into all sorts of energy fields. People died doing that you know!"

Desmond came walking back in. "I still have my phone!" he announced. He walked over to his bag, opened its zipper and dug up the telephone device. He approached Jacob. "Can you fix this?" his voice full of anticipation.

Jacob took the phone from him and held it firmly locked between his two hands. "Please sit down Desmond" he requested. "There is more that I have to tell you."

Desmond kept quiet en lowered himself onto his seat.

"The disagreement I have with my brother…" he started. "The guy you've come to know as 'John Locke'," he clarified "comes down to the fact that he believes men are evil. Corrupt and selfish. He believes that if the mystery of this island is somehow disclosed to its full extent, people will use it to their own advantage."

Miles opened his mouth to formulate another question but Jacob put up his right hand. "Please Miles, let me finish." He placed the phone on the floor next to him and continued. "I believe the exact opposite and I have been bringing people here to prove him wrong. I have been bringing people here so that they can exceed their own expectations. Or leave behind a dreadful past. I've watched people grow here. And I will continue to do that until my job is done."

Jacob paused for a bit, his eyes fixed on the flames of the fire. No one dared ask _when _his job would be done, scared as they were to trigger any conversation about being candidates and Jacob needing a successor. It had sounded so surreal when Claire first shared that story. And now that they were here, with Jacob, the reality of it all was just too spooky to comprehend.

When Jacob looked up again, his faces was soft, his eyes kind. "I can sense worry that I might ask you to stay." Juliet braced herself. Her hands felt sweaty. Miles had pulled his hand off of Jin's back. Everyone stared at Jacob.

"But I won't. If you want to leave you can leave. It's not without risk, but I've seen the upset with all of you about your friends being gone." He looked at Desmond. "Your ship is still here. You can go to it right now."

Desmond looked puzzled. "Go? How? We don't have a boat anymore." He gave Claire a brief nasty look.

"How do you suggest we leave, Jacob?" Juliet asked.

"You swim."

* * *

The ship was the most amazing, unlikeliest thing Sawyer had seen in a long time (not counting the 1970s Dharma Initiative, or Juliet for that matter). At first it was just a shivering black object on the horizon, like a Fata Morgana. Sawyer thought that even if he'd only blink once, it would be gone. But then a motorboat showed up, with three Asian looking men aboard. They spoke hasty and unclear English, but the name 'Desmond Hume' was unmistakably there in between words. Hurley, the first to put two and two together, jumped up and in his excitement almost tipped over the canoe. The rest of them were more skeptical. Who were these men? The memory of the misfortune with that damned freighter was still very much alive. Hurley couldn't be stopped though. He opted to go with the men to the ship and check things out. They had mentioned Penny's name as well and he was convinced this was all his dad's doing.

"What are the odds that there's a boat here, and these people know Desmond and Penny? Go figure guys. My dad did it!"

After a few minutes of frantic convincing from Hurley and more erratic English from the strangers, they let him go. Frank opted to go with him, and both he and Hurley climbed into the motor boat and headed off.

Not twenty minutes later, they were all on board of Penny's boat. Jack was clearly emotional when he found out that it was indeed Penny and that the same woman had come to his rescue twice. Introductions were quick. None of their group had seen Desmond, but listening to Penny's story it was likely that he was at their camp. The question was: why hadn't he returned? Communication had been down and Penny, although acting calm, was obviously on the verge of tears. A little boy came up from behind her and clenched his hands around her thigh.

"Is daddy back yet mummy?"

_Oh Christ._

Another twenty minutes later and Sawyer was back in the motorboat. He and Sun would try and find a way back to the island. Penny might have been unable to penetrate this invisible 'island shield' or whatever it was, but maybe it would be different for them. It _had _to be different for them. _Ain't we candidates for cryin' out loud? _

Another forty minutes later and Sawyer found himself back at the ship leaning against the rail on starboard side, staring at the island in the distance. That sickening worried feeling was creeping up on him again, only this time it was much stronger as it all dawned on him. The tide, the wind. And now even with a motorboat they couldn't get any closer. _Fuck you Jacob. _

Hurley walked up to him and offered him a bottle of water.

"She'll be ok dude. Jacob will look after her."

Even though meant to cheer him up, Hurley's words made him want to take a swing at someone. On top of that, a sense of guilt was building inside of him rapidly and he felt his stomach tighten. He felt like crying but controlled it.

"It should have been her on this boat, not me."

"It's not your fault man."

"It _is _my fault" Sawyer lashed out. It sounded harsher than he'd intended. He sighed and took a sip of water, his eyes still fixed on the island. "On our first day with the DI… she was sitting at the dock outside of Dharmaville, ready to leave that place. I asked her to stay… because I didn't want to be alone." His voice trembled slightly, but either Hurley didn't pick up on it or ignored it not to make Sawyer feel any worse.

"A couple of weeks back, when Richard asked us all to choose, she wanted to risk it, take a chance on gettin' home. All she ever wanted, ya know. To go home. But I asked her the same damn thing. Left her no choice."

He paused for a second and swallowed. Hurley still kept quiet.

"I should've asked her to marry me" Sawyer whispered.

"Sawyer" Hurley placed his left hand on James' upper back. "You have to stay positive dude. The island is _right there." _He pointed his right index finger towards the horizon. "I think Jacob's a good guy man. And so are you. Things will be ok."

"Yeah" Sawyer sighed, but somehow Hurley's words did make him feel better.


	25. Don't look back

He held a warm cup of coffee between his hands, the quote on the mug reading _I love the Philippines_. The seven cans of beer he'd drunk earlier with Frank and Hurley were still in the middle of the oval shaped dining table. He had showered, eaten spaghetti and chicken soup from a can and had spent over half an hour listening to a 2-year old explaining to him all the names of his cars and why his BMW would always be best. Ten minutes ago Penny had cut off little Charlie's stories and was now putting him to bed. They would all talk when she got back.

Sawyer let his head rest against the cold steel wall behind him and closed his eyes, listening to Hurley and Frank quietly reminiscing about the last time they got rescued by Penny. If James could just ignore the humming sound of the ships engine and instead imagine it was Juliet's blow dryer in the bathroom… If he could somehow twist Hurley and Frank's talking into a distant Miles/Jin conversation…

He heard footsteps approaching and opened his eyes. Penny was standing at the opposite end of the table. He didn't know this woman but he could see she was exhausted.

"Let's talk" Penny said, as she sat down. She reached for the can of coffee and poured herself another cup after offering everyone else a refill. Hurley whistled to Sun and Jack out on deck. Soon they were all sitting down, ready to come up with a plan (there had to be a plan, right?).

"When did you get here?" Jack asked first. Penny had already shared about Hurleys' dad's midnight call and about their visit to Eloise. But she had refused to talk about Desmond's disappearance in front of her son.

"Three days ago" she answered. "Des was eager to get on with it so he left for the island pretty soon after we arrived."

"Do you know where he was heading towards? Which part of the island?" Jack continued.

"He said you had built a beach camp somewhere."

Jack squeezed his eyebrows, a wrinkle appearing above his nose. They had still been at their camp three days ago. He gave Sawyer a puzzled look.

Penny continued: "I spoke to him yesterday. He has a satellite phone with him."

"What did he say? When you talked to him?"

"His boat got damaged. I could hear people in the background, but we were cut off. He didn't say where he was. But he sounded anxious."

* * *

No point in discussing island mysteries in front of someone who'd never been there. Besides, it was mostly still a guessing game for all of them who had actually been there too. Sawyer kept his thoughts to himself, but Daniel's voice was coming back to him from the far corners of his brain.

Jack summarized their own adventure, conveniently leaving out Jacob or smoke monsters. Again, no point in complicating things with island mysteries. After he was done, Penny escorted them all upstairs to the bridge. This had been her living area ever since Desmond left. She greeted one of the crewmen and he politely made way for all of them. The room contained a communication system, two computers, advanced radar and GPS systems and a whole bunch of other stuff she left unexplained. She turned on the scanning system and its range bounced about a mile off the island's coast. Turning on the communication system only resulted in a lot of static. Their conversation from the day before had been taped and she replayed it for them a couple of times.

_"Penny? Pen, listen to me. You have to send another boat to the island. My boat got dama…."_

A few seconds of nothing.

_"Damn it." _Desmond's voice again. There was movement in the background. People running? A woman's voice? A muffled 'Miles'? It was too distant to decipher.

_"Desmond?" _That was Penny.

_"Penny! Listen to me. Send another boat. But you can't come yourself. Send one of the guys. Promise me you won't come. Please!"_

_"Des. I can't reach you. I already tried to get another boat out there. But the coordinates don't work. They don't work!"_

_"What do you mean they don't work?"_

_"We tried several times. But the GPS fluctuates. I could see the island, but I couldn't get any closer! What's going on Des? You've been gone for days!"_

_"I'm all right. Just, please. Don't come to the island yourself. Send one of the guys. Keep trying."_

Then nothing. The line had abruptly been cut off and had remained dead ever since.

* * *

Penny showed them their cabins, small sized rectangular rooms with bunk beds attached to the walls. There were enough rooms for each of them to have their own. There was nothing more to say and with a goodnight they all went their separate ways, each preparing for a first night off the island by themselves.

Sawyer had gone upstairs and sat himself down in a chair next to the control panel. They'd agreed to rotate shifts up here throughout the night. Just in case Desmond would get in touch at an ungodly hour.

He was staring out the window, lost in thought, when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. It was Jack.

Sawyer gestured towards the empty seat next to him and Jack sat down.

"So what do you make of this?" Jack asked.

"You referrin' to Desmond missing?"

Jack nodded.

"You not remember that first time the chopper went out to the freighter?" Sawyer continued.

"Yeah. I remember."

Sawyer lent forward and folded his hands. "Well… maybe the same thing is goin' on now. I spent months listening to Danny boy's theories about time anomalies on the island. Been through a few myself. This would fit the bill just fine."

"It was the other way around back then."

"I know" Sawyer sighed. "But this could be good news Doc. We'll have more time. The island bein' on the slow turning table and all."

"Time's not going to do us any good if we can't get back there."

"I can't afford to think like that Doc. Neither can you."

The two men sat in silence for a while. Then Jack lifted himself from the chair and wished Sawyer goodnight. Before going down stairs he turned around.

"I do still love Kate you know." Jack's voice sounded tired.

"Guess we'll have to get her here then so you can tell her."

* * *

James couldn't sleep. The bunk bed was clearly built for Asian sized people and the silence of the night made his worries return in full force. Maybe he should go back up to the bridge and just sit out the night with Hurley.

He got up and put his jeans and shirt back on. Barefooted he left his room and quietly walked back up. To his surprise, Sun was also there. She and Hurley were playing a card game, a large pot of coffee standing on the table.

"You two aiming for a caffeine high?"

Hurley looked up and gave him a big smile. "Need to stay awake dude."

"What's your excuse?" Sawyer looked at Sun. "Can't possibly be the bunk bed." He rubbed his back. "Wish you Asians had a bit more consideration for the taller humans on this planet when you go about buildin' ships."

Hurley gave him a thumbs up. "Right on dude."

Sun stifled a laugh. "You want a cup Sawyer?" she asked kindly, pointing towards the coffee.

"Please."

Sun poured him a cup and he took the mug from her. "Anything?" he asked Hurley.

"You would have heard me yelling if there'd been anything dude."

Sawyer walked to the window panes. The sun was starting to rise at the other end of the island and he could vaguely see the contours of land on the horizon.

"Sawyer?"

He turned around to look at Sun.

"Could you… Would you mind… telling me some stories about Jin? About your lives? Some he hasn't shared with me?" Her voice was flat, but her eyes looked at him expectantly.

He felt a lump appear in his throat.

"Please?"

* * *

The day was long and dreadful. Steady rain clouded the view of the island the entire morning and there was no development whatsoever in establishing contact with Desmond. Penny had convinced the ship's captain to move the vessel closer to the island. The man had been weary because of the reef, but he had found a spot at a distance of four miles that was still safe.

When the sun reappeared after lunch, Frank and Jack had taken out one of the life boats again to see if any possibilities of return had opened up. Sawyer had positioned himself on deck and had dozed off a bit.

He woke up because of his stomach rumbling and walked up to the bridge, the smells of frying fish assaulting his senses as he passed the galley. He found Penny and Hurley watching the monitors, keeping a close eye on Frank and Jack's location. Sun had gone to her hut to lie down.

Jack radioed in that they were heading back for the night. They were now north of the island but the deal was just the same. About a mile off shore they simply bounced.

"Allright, just get back here Doc. We'll try again tomorrow" James answered. Same old conversation he'd had with Miles or Jin so many times after another failed grid search.

What would happen if the ships supplies ran out? How was their water supply? Could they contact the main land and get another boat out here? He found himself running scenarios and it made him uncomfortably restless.

Looking at the island (even though it was still not much more than a dark spot on the horizon from here) was the best thing to do when that feeling hit him, so he walked over to the front of the bridge. The sun was setting behind them and the island was covered in an orange glow.

He rested his elbows on the window panes. There it was, the place he'd spent the past three years of his life.

And then it was gone.

* * *

On the island

_Swim? Really?_

Desmond obviously thought it was crazy. "Six miles! You want us to swim six miles through open water?"

_Six miles. Only six miles. No, six miles is insane._

"It might look nice and calm over here, but trust me, the waves are not as easy going further down." Desmond continued.

_I can do six miles. I can._

"If I could get you a boat Desmond, I would. But there's nothing left. I even lost my two canoes today." Jacob answered him.

_How long would it take? Ten hours? James will meet me half way. Five hours. No. Why would James meet me halfway? How would he even know where I am? What if he gets back to the island and I'm not here?_

"The truth is" Jacob continued. "I have to move the island."

…_. What the…? …. _Juliet tore her eyes away from the fire to look at Jacob.

"It's the only way to keep it safe. Your ship being here is risky and the more time we stay this close, the more time he has to find a way to reach it." Jacob paused and poked up the fire with a stick. "I'm really sorry. I'm already using all the tricks in the book here."

_Move the island… You want to go to the Orchid. _An uncomfortable sense of déjà vu came over her and her stomach tightened. When she looked at Jacob, she realized she had been speaking out loud.

"Yes. And I need one of you to go with me. For the rest of you, that ship won't be there after we're done."

* * *

"What is the Orchid?" A fair question, no easy answer (well, Desmond… if you go down there (whatever is down there…) the island 'disappears', you will start jumping through time, and … if you're lucky, the flashes will stop just before they actually kill you).

Juliet brought a hand to her forehead and pressed her eyebrows.

"Let's just say it's my last defense mechanism. It will make the island relocate geographically" Jacob answered.

_Oh really? That's what it does? _

"Jump through time you mean" Miles muttered quietly. Jacob gave him an intense look, one that obviously was not an invitation to elaborate.

"What was that, brother?" Desmond asked as he turned to Miles.

"Never mind" Miles added. "Let's just say that you don't want to be there when he moves the island." A lengthy silence filled the room.

Juliet heard Miles clear his throat. She looked at him as he pushed himself up from his seat. "'I'll go with you" he said, while looking at Jacob.

_What?!_ Juliet gave Miles an alarmed look, but he had his back turned towards her.

"Miles. No" Jin sounded alarmed as well.

"Look, its fine." Miles started walking over to Jacob. "Besides, you all have people to go back to. I…"

"And you have people to go back _with."_ Juliet cut him off. "You're not going." Her voice sounded angrier than she'd intended. But no way was she going to lose someone else. Miles was already at the other end of the circle and looked down at Jacob.

Jacob stood and put a hand on Miles' shoulder. "You can't go Miles. You'll be dead by the time we get there. He's on to you."

He let go of Miles' shoulder and started walking towards Claire. He put his hand forth for her to take.

"It has to be you Claire."

"I know."

* * *

This was really going to happen. They would have about two hours to get beyond the island's radius. That's how long it would take Claire and Jacob to reach the Orchid. If they managed to get far enough, it would be them in open water, hopefully close enough to the boat to get picked up on by its radar system. If they did not manage to get far enough, the flashes would hit them and take them to god knows where and god knows when. And the island would still be there.

Kate had passionately opposed to Claire's new mission, but it was like the rules of the game had been set and there was no changing them.

"He can tell where I am Kate. If I go, you will have a chance." Quiet, fragile Claire had disappeared and a new confident Claire seemed to have taken over.

Desmond tried to get in touch with Penny again, but the phone was now officially dead. Not only was there still no connection, within a few minutes the battery also gave in.

Jacob quickly collected some things and put them in a woven duffel bag: an old watch, some dried fish, a strong rope. He put the fire out with sand and urged everyone to step outside. He was clearly in a hurry.

Goodbyes were quick. There was no time for dwelling.

"There's an off-land wind right now" Jacob informed them. "If you want to be successful, this is your best chance."

_This is really going to happen._ Because no way in hell was she going to be on the island two hours from now.

* * *

So far so good. Jin and Desmond were ahead of her, Miles and Kate behind her. If she kept her body as flat as possible, the current would help her move forward a little faster. The setting sun was annoying her eyes and she kept them shut as much as possible. Her arms were burning like hell and her throat was hurting from thirst. Her legs were wobly to the point where they would go numb soon. She felt a strong desire to look over her shoulder, just to see if the island was still there. She had lost all track of time. Had it been two hours yet?

_Don't look back. Don't look back._ How did that bible story again? The one that gave her nightmares when she was a little girl? Where a woman looked back onto her burning home, and that was the last thing she ever did? Looking back would be like tempting fate. She had to look forward, search the horizon for anything that could resemble a ship.

And then the world turned white again. Jin and Desmond disappeared from her view and a shrill sound filled her ears. Her heart started hammering as fear kicked in. The whiteness lasted a few seconds and when it was gone, the ocean was there just like it had been. Jin and Desmond were still in front of her. She could hear Miles panting behind her.

_Don't look back! _What if she did and the island was still there?


	26. Truly gone

_Where is the island? _James was staring at the horizon in disbelief, blinking several times, not trusting his eyes to display reality. But he knew exactly what had happened. Kate had told him their side of the story back in Dharma: the island had disappeared on them when the flashes started. Hurley had told him the same thing.

His hands were gripping the window panes and he squeezed his eyes again, as if that would change things. He felt nauseous as the first signs of panic started hitting him. _What lunatic…? _Who would be so ridiculously stupid (or evil) to go down the Orchid? With Ben gone and Locke gone, what possible insane person would do that?

It was quiet behind him and for a moment he thought Penny and Hurley had left. But when he turned around they were just sitting there, Penny holding a cup of tea, Hurley searching the internet, probably for news on the Ajira crash. Had they not noticed?

Sawyer's dumbfounded look caught Penny's attention and she put down her cup.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Hurley closed the laptop and turned around to look at Sawyer as well.

James opened his mouth to speak, but didn't get beyond "It's…." He raised his right hand to point outside.

Hurley stood from his chair and walked over to Sawyer. Penny was drawn to the radar console. A red light was flickering and the monitors were blank.

"The system is down" she stated, while pressing several buttons. She walked towards the staircase and called downstairs for assistance from any of the crewmen.

What was she doing? _Woman, can you please look outside? _

"It happened again" Hurley mumbled, and it was then that James knew for sure his eyes were not betraying him. He managed to walk over to the table and let himself fall back into the nearest chair.

* * *

The ship's crew managed to get the system back online. And once it was, everyone could see for themselves that the island was gone. The radar showed nothing apart from irregularities in the ocean's bottom and some underwater sea life. The one mile bounce barrier was also gone. Everything was gone.

Three of the crewmen, the captain and two others, were talking in their local language. Penny was standing next to them, her eyes frightened, asking them repeatedly to translate and let her in on the conversation. Sawyer was still standing by the window, fighting a growing headache.

Hurley, who seemed to recover quickly from the shock, went downstairs to get Sun and when they both returned, the bridge had gone totally quiet. Penny stared at the captain who was pushing several buttons. The two other crewmen just stood there, not knowing what to do or how to respond to the anguish of the nice lady from England. After a few minutes, the captain turned away from the monitors and looked at Penny. "Mrs. Hume, I'm sorry. I really don't know what happened."

_The island's gone. _Sawyer listened to the heavy pounding that was still inside his head. He closed his eyes and saw flashes of Juliet, Jin and Miles jumping through time. Their headaches would be so much worse. And the nose bleeds. He pushed the thought that this time the flashes might be deadly aside. Suddenly, another thought came up. _What if… What if we're gone? What if the island's still fixed but we moved? _

Of all the crazy things. Why the hell not? He felt the tiniest bit of hope emerge inside of him. If it was _them_ that had moved, all they had to do was get back to where the island was.

"Where are we?" he asked while walking to the control panel. Six faces turned towards him. Sun looked pale, kind of grey even. Sawyer turned to the captain and repeated his question, more urgent this time. "Where are we? Can you see where we are? Are we still in the same spot?" He frantically pointed his finger at the panel in front of him.

The Filipino walked over to him, his head just reaching Sawyer's shoulder. He took a pair of glasses out of his shirts pocket, put them onto his nose and studied the different monitors.

"Yes" he said. "We are at the same location. Why would we not be?" He turned to look at Sawyer but his head stopped halfway as his gaze stayed fixed on the radar monitor. "What is that?" he asked, while pointing his right index finger to the far right corner of the radar screen.

There were lots of lines and dots on the radar, smaller ones and bigger ones. Rocks, uneven ground, reef maybe. Fish and other sea life. But there were five dots that were significantly bigger. They were close together. And they were not moving.

_What the hell?_

* * *

Desmond and Jin had stopped swimming. Juliet could still hear Miles' heavy breathing behind her. Kate was coughing in the distance. At least they were all still together. Juliet instinctively reached for her nose. No blood. She looked up at Desmond and Jin, while keeping her arms and legs moving to stay afloat. Both men had turned around.

"What is it?" she panted.

Jin brought his hands to his eyes to rub water out of them. "The island" he answered. "It's gone."

Juliet now looked back as well. The sun had set but even with the remaining daylight she could still see it clearly. The island was gone. Or, out of sight.

"What if it's beyond the horizon? Maybe it's still there but we just can't see it?" she dared to ask. Being surrounded only by endless amounts of water made her feel anxious. She was cold, and shivered.

* * *

A few minutes later... The sound of an engine… followed by the shape of a small boat. The same surreal feeling that had hit her when Desmond had first showed up on the beach came over her again. But this time, she was crying within seconds, knowing who it had to be, knowing what it had to mean. _Oh please God._

"Jack!" came Kate's voice from behind her.

It _was _Jack. And Frank. They were right next to them now. Happy, relieved, ecstatic. No James, Sun or Hurley. _Where are they? _They would be on the ship, right? They had to be on the ship.

Jack pulled in Miles first, followed by Kate, Juliet, Jin and Desmond.

Jin asked Jack about Sun. And yes, they were all back with Penny, Desmond's wife.

Frank was talking non-stop, going on and on about how this was a miracle, how they'd been trying to get back to the island for two days. How they failed for two days. _Two days?_

Jack's switched from intense relief to his practical doctor's mode within minutes, asking everyone if they were ok, how they were feeling, if they had any wounds. There were water bottles and Juliet drank gratefully. She was shivering even more now that she was out of the water. It was windy, daylight was almost gone and she was drenched.

"Don't worry" Frank said as he gently rubbed her upper back. "We'll get you warm in no time." He took the satphone from Jack and switched it on.

"We got them" he announced before anyone at the other end of the line could even speak. Juliet heard Hurley's distant chatter in response, cheering, asking questions. But Frank didn't seem to pay attention as he lowered the phone.

"Where is Claire?" he asked.

* * *

On the island, two hours earlier

"What will happen to the island?" she asked while doing her best to keep up with him. His legs were much longer than hers and his pace was fast.

"Do you really care for that Claire?" she heard him answer.

"Yes, I care."

Jacob stopped walking and turned his head around to face her. "It will be safe again."

"From him?"

He nodded. Claire looked at him, hoping for a little more information but Jacob kept quiet. His eyes… blue like Charlie's, but so intense. He briefly smiled at her before turning around to continue walking.

They reached the Orchid well within two hours. Claire recognized the construction, but had always thought it was just an abandoned Dharma station. While walking, Jacob had explained to her what he expected her to do. She was to turn a giant underground wheel, and while doing so, she would be transported of the island. When she asked more questions (_Where will I be going? Will I be alive?) _Jacob told her he would explain everything once they had arrived.

And now they had. Still standing outside, Jacob opened up his bag to check his watch.

"Listen carefully" Jacob started, not taking his eyes of the watch. "You will end up in Tunisia. There will be people there who can help you get back home. Listen to them, work with them. You can trust them."

"What am I supposed to do after I leave?" All of a sudden Claire felt hesitant, unsure whether she really wanted to go. When she volunteered to come on this trip, she had no idea it would mean leaving the island. Would she be able to live in the normal world again? Would she be able to adjust?

"You are supposed to become a mother again."

"Aaron doesn't know me anymore."

"Then he will get to know you."

"I am not a good person." She felt tears coming and Jacob picked up on the slight tremble in her voice. He took the rope from his bag and tied one end around his waist. He then walked over to Claire to hand her the other end.

"We can fix that." He helped her tighten the rope.

"What is this for?" Claire asked.

"He will be coming. I don't want him to even touch you. This way, you are connected to me." That actually made her laugh. A rope? Really?

He gestured to a nearby rock and they both sat. Small raindrops started coming down.

"I want you to take on a job." He took a piece of paper out of his back pocket and handed it to Claire. She unfolded it and read:

_Eloise Hawking (b: 1942)_

_On island: 1970 - 1978_

_Position: Keeper island gateway (1985 – present)_

_Location: Lamp Post Station, Los Angeles, USA_

"Eloise Hawking controls who gets access to the island's location and who doesn't. She is my main partner off the island. However, she doesn't know me. She has always answered to Richard. But he is dead now."

That news startled Claire. The piece of paper fell from her hand. Jacob bent down to pick it up.

"I'll miss him too" he said quietly while handing the paper back to Claire. He looked at her compassionately.

Suddenly, something shifted in his expression and he lifted himself from the rock.

"He's moving now. We have to go down." He held out his hand. When Claire took it he pulled her close. His gaze was intense and she felt a shiver going through her body.

"I want you to take over from Eloise. If you do this, I will help you in whatever way I can."

"What do you mean?"

"I will bring you back to our side, Claire. You can be free of him. Really free."

She stared down at his hand still holding hers. She could feel his breath on her forehead. _Really free… _She closed her eyes and tried to remember Aaron's face. She had almost forgotten what he looked like. Could things really be ok?

"OK." she mumbled finally.

Jacob brought his mouth to her ear, still not letting go of her hand. "Just make me one promise. Stay close to Kate. She needs him too."

Claire lifted her head and looked into Jacob's eyes. They were beautiful, deep blue and kind. And he needed her help. She couldn't remember the last time someone had really needed her.

"Do you think Kate will make it?" she whispered.

"I hope they all make it."

He led her down the Orchid into a dark, freezing cold cave. That's where the wheel was. Claire shivered. Jacob stayed close to the exit while she moved towards the wheel. When she placed her hands over it he called her name.

"A year from now, I will come for you. We will talk about things then. But first, settle down and get to know your son. Rest. And when we meet, be ready to take on the job."

He smiled. And she smiled back.

**One more chapter to go!**


	27. This is how it ends

**Two chapters in two days! This one is officially my last (and second longest) chapter. And yes, it will be all about the reunion :) I'm sorry for keeping J&J apart for so long. I had not intended on doing that. It just worked out that way. **

**GencoOliveOil suggested an epilogue to get a glimpse of their post-island lives. I might be up for that. Anyone else interested?**

**I had so much fun writing this. When I started I honestly thought it would be 5 to 10 chapters long. And here I am, uploading chapter 27. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and sending PM's. I'll be revisiting this site to read everyone else's stories!**

* * *

She could see James' form when she looked up at the ship's deck. He was definitely there, although the bright lights behind him hurt her eyes and kept her from having a good look. The lifeboat was now approaching a ladder. James called her name, and she looked up again. As they came closer, she could see him more clearly. A lump appeared in her throat. She had seen him just this morning, but she'd missed him like it had been months.

Jack and Frank steadied the boat, enabling everyone to climb out safely. Juliet was the first to go up. Still shivering and with trembling arms from the swim she reached deck. A hand reached out for her and it was James'. She grabbed it and he pulled her in and then she was just pressing against him. He was warm and he was real. His arms circled her back to pull her closer, not caring about the fact that she was cold and soaked to the bone. She leaned into him, her legs suddenly wobbly again.

"You're here" she heard him mumble in her ear. His voice was hoarse and she knew he was fighting tears. She couldn't speak, overwhelmed as she was by just being here, feeling him. She pressed her forehead into the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent.

There were so many voices around her. People talking in a strange language. Hurley. Sun calling out for Jin. She could hear others climbing up now, one, two more people. "Miles" she heard James say and she turned her head to see that Kate was there, Miles and now Jin. They looked pale and exhausted, she probably looked like that herself. James loosened his grip to shake Miles' hand and to pull him in for a hug.

"Good to see you Enos."

"Missed me that much huh?" Miles replied in a shaky voice. Back to their old friendly love-hate banter immediately. And now Juliet was the one fighting tears. _We're all here._

Some Asian looking men came out with blankets. Juliet took one and thankfully wrapped it around her shoulders. James' arms were back and he pressed a kiss against her forehead.

* * *

Hurley was the chatty and helpful one, not being particularly caring towards one or two people, but to all of them equally. With Penny's permission he organized dry clothes, towels, shampoo. The ship's chef brought everyone hot tea to warm up. After finishing their drinks, they all retreated to their cabins one by one. Miles would stay with Hurley, Kate would stay with Jack. They would all meet back out here for diner.

James led Juliet down the hallway and opened the ladies' bathroom. Inside it was warm and clean. He took the blanket from her shoulders and placed it on one of the hooks at the wall. He opened the door to the nearest shower and she stepped inside. He followed.

"A real shower" she said.

"And this one ain't even on the island" he added.

"It's been a while" she sighed and he wasn't sure whether she meant that in a happy way or that she was just again reminded of how many years she'd been gone, cut off from the real world.

He helped her take of her shirt, which was sticking to her skin. It was painful for her to raise her arms and he pushed the shirt over her head as gently as he could. The jeans she could do herself. He bent down to untie her shoes.

"One soggy mess you got here Blondie" he joked and he could hear her chuckle. She placed a hand on his shoulders for support as he took of her shoes. She then pulled down her jeans. Her underwear followed, displaying goose bumps all over her body. James kicked her clothes into a corner. He would have them washed later.

"Let's get this shower going." He leaned passed her and opened the taps. A solid stream of warm water followed immediately. Juliet stepped forward and let out a sigh as the warm water ran down her skin.

James now started undressing himself. His clothes were a bit wet from holding her and he hung them over the doorway. Then he stepped towards her, gently placing his hands on her shoulders. She let herself lean back against his chest and they just stood there for a while, waiting for the goose bumps and the shivering to disappear. When she seemed to have warmed up, he let go of her to grab the shampoo. He put some in his hands and slowly started spreading it onto her hair while massaging her head.

"I can wash my own hair you know."

"Sssshh. Just lemme do it will ya?" He wanted to take care of her and she let him.

They were in the shower for over half an hour. When they were done and drying themselves off James said "Now you get to see Rachel again." Her hands stopped moving at those words and she stared at his chest for a few long seconds. He brought a hand to her cheek. "He, baby" he whispered. "I know it's surreal. But it's really gonna happen now. I promise ya."

She brought her hands to her face and wiped away some upcoming tears. "It's not that…" she said.

"Then what is it?"

"It's just…" she lifted her head to look at him. "I hadn't thought about Rachel yet." Tears slowly came dripping down her face. "I haven't thought about Rachel this whole day."

* * *

They all sat out on deck. The weather was calm and the sky was clear, showing off a million stars and portraying a clear view of the Milky Way. The initial happiness of the reunion two hours ago had somewhat faded. Juliet felt tired and it was obvious that everyone that had been swimming really only just wanted to rest.

The chef had brought out diner: roasted chicken, sticky rice, vegetables. There were beers, sodas, tea and coffee. It was the best meal she'd had in weeks, but even though James was right here and the food tasted delicious, she couldn't shake the weary feeling that had come over her.

Hurley and Jack shared the details of the last two days on the ship. No one seemed surprised by the time irregularities that seemed to have been playing. It didn't matter now anyway. The island was gone. That was the only important thing.

Desmond and Miles gave away some details from their journey on the island, but most things remained unsaid out on deck. It had to be saved for more private times behind closed doors. Just like the last time some of them had been rescued, they had to be careful not to display too much in front of crew members. Strategies on how to get them back to the real world still had to be discussed.

Juliet held James' hand. She could feel his thigh pressed against hers. The weary feeling remained though and now that James had mentioned Rachel, she could think of nothing else.

"What will happen to Claire?" she heard Kate ask.

"I think she might be alright Freckles" James answered, and hearing him say _Freckles _didn't bother her anymore. That was in the past now. It was just a nickname.

"Ben left that way. Locke left that way. You both met them off the island, right?" Sawyer continued.

"What about the other people still out there? What about the other people from our plane?" Hurley continued. He was obviously talking about the Ajira crash, the people on Hydra.

_All those people are going to die. _Juliet felt her stomach tighten as she remembered the pain from the flashes she had gone through more than three years ago. If John hadn't stopped things, she would have been dead now.

"I don't know" Miles finally answered. "If the same thing is happening now that happened to us after you guys left…" He sighed. "Doesn't look good, man."

* * *

After diner, Desmond proposed they would all head upstairs to the bridge. They could talk privately there and discuss the details of their journey back and their reentrance into society. Juliet excused herself.

"I'm sure you can plan things for the both of us James."

He gave her a slightly worried look.

"I'm fine" she reassured him. "It's just been … an intense day. I'd like to stay outside a little longer."

"OK" he answered, while stroking her cheek. "I'll come find you after."

When everyone had left, Juliet walked over to the rail and grabbed it with both hands. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Being alone, she felt able to relax. This was just like being on the beach after a long day at the motorpool. The sound of wind and waves, her hair still wet from a recent shower.

Suddenly she missed the island and opened her eyes instantly at the realization. _How can I miss something I've hated for so long?_

She followed the rail along the starboard side of the ship towards its front. Staring out onto the ocean she saw nothing but blackness. But she knew that just a few hours ago, that's where the island had been. Slowly, her aching muscles still protesting with each movement, she sat down.

* * *

She had dozed off a bit when she heard footsteps approaching. It was James.

"You ok?" he asked.

She smiled up at him but didn't answer. He sat down next to her and placed his elbows on his knees, his hands folded together. The ships engines were being powered up and they both listened to the humming of the motor and the sound of the boat meeting the waves. James stared out into the night. Juliet stared down at her hands.

"I'm nervous." She finally spoke.

"About what?"

"About going back. About seeing Rachel again." She paused and looked at him. He kept quiet. "About us. Maybe things will be different."

"Why would things be different?"

"I don't know. It just seems now that the island was a very safe place to be together."

"You call what we've just been through _safe?_"

"Well maybe safe isn't the word. Simple?"

"I don't see how that word cuts it either."

She let out a laugh and he smiled at her. The sight of his dimples made her feel warm.

"I don't mean the island itself. I guess it was just simple because it was you and me against the world. Something like that." Was she making any sense?

"Jin and Miles excluded."

"Obviously."

"I don't see why it won't be you and me against the world back home as well."

"That's just it James. What is home? We haven't talked about anything. Not about where we're going to live. Not about what we're going to do. Not about what we want."

"I want that king-size bed for one."

"I'm serious."

"I know." He shifted and folded his left arm around her shoulders. "So why don't we talk about it now?" he continued. "You wanna go back to Miami?"

"It's where Rachel is. At least I _think_ that's where she is. She loves living close to the beach."

"Must be a family thing, Blondie."

They both remained quiet for a while. Juliet was staring down at her hands again, noticing her nails were still dirty from the island. Even after a swim and a shower. _Stubborn i__sland dirt. _

"What if Rachel's not ok?" she whispered, finally putting her true fear into words. "What if the cancer came back? What if.."

"Ssssh. Ssssh. Don't think like that." He put his other arm around her as well and pressed her to him. "Your sister is _fine. _You are _fine. _And you're gonna be together again. Everything will be _fine._"

He pressed her head gently on his shoulder. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. The warmth of his body had always had an amazing calming effect on her.

"So we'll live in Miami" he concluded.

"You don't want to go back to LA?"

"And run into a bunch of old enemies who still call me Sawyer and will only ask me to run more cons? No thanks. Miami's fine with me."

"So what will you do?"

"I don't know Jules. I haven't really thought about it. What about you? Wanna be a doctor again? Or are you sticking to grease monkey?" Those dimples again.

"I guess that depends on the money you'll get from Oceanic."

He chuckled at that. He took her left hand in his right and started rubbing small circles with his thumb. "There's something I haven't told you yet."

She lifted her head to look at him.

"Richard's dead."

"What? … How? What happened?"

And that was when he told her the whole story, without ignoring any details. He shared about their meeting with Jacob, about how Richard had told him that Miles could be in danger. How the Black Smoke had chased them into the canoes. How Richard stayed back to distract it.

"Only now I'm thinking he wasn't staying behind for that at all. He knew he was sending us off the island. It was weird though. First he's all keen and eager to help us get to Hydra. Next thing he's shipping us off for good."

Juliet took in James' words. "I think Jacob must have somehow gotten to him."

"What… you think they could talk to each other long distance? Like telepathy or somethin'?"

"Why not? They're both not exactly normal men."

"On a not exactly normal island."

Now it was Juliet's turn to tell her end of the story. She started with Desmond's arrival and John Locke's appearance at the beach (she had to honestly laugh at James' totally confused face at that news). Then she told him about Jacob as well, how John had turned into smoke, and finally about the Orchid deal. When everything was said, she put her head back on his shoulder, a yawn escaping her mouth. She really wanted that bed soon.

There was one thing still on her mind though. "Do you think someone will fix things? Like John fixed things for us?"

"He got us stranded in 1974."

"But at least we were alive. We wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for him."

James didn't answer. He knew there was nothing more true than that. He started shifting a bit while removing his hand from hers. He reached for his pocket and fumbled with something inside.

"I still have something for ya."

He brought his hand back up. Between his thumb and index finger he held something small, a ring. Juliet stared at it, and all the thoughts about the past 24 hours or worries about the future vanished. The ring was tiny, kind of dated, but beautiful. The idea that this had been waiting for her for 30 years (or a few months) made her almost cry instantly, but she controlled herself.

He didn't move. His hand was just kind of up in the air with the ring between his fingers.

"Are you going to keep it there or are you going to give it to me?" She looked at him.

He straightened his back. "Hold your horses darlin'. You gotta let a man do what he has to do." Her words encouraged him though and he turned so he could face her better. He cleared his throat and swallowed. How was it that he had this ring for months now and never worked out a proper speech? Probably because he thought he could pull of a proposal like he'd pulled of so many other things: with smooth talk and slick improv. But now he was nervous and couldn't think straight.

When he looked at her she was just sitting there, staring back at him. And he could tell she was nervous too. He produced a sheepish grin and opened his mouth.

"I know you're tired, but I don't want to keep this on me any longer." _Damn. What am I supposed to say? _

"You know I've been carrying this around for a while. And now that we're off to the real world. I don't know. Seems like a good time to give it to ya. I mean…" he stopped to take a deep breath.

"I shouldn't have waited this long. I'm sorry. I've been a stupid hick. That's what you get for not listening to your mates. I thought I was just waiting for the right time. Dumbest decision ever, since there is no such thing as 'the right time'." He paused, noticing that he wasn't getting to the point.

"OK. Forget what I just said. I just..." He moved the ring between his fingers. _Just what? _She knew how he felt, right? Were you supposed to repeat that while proposing? Hell, he wished he'd watched more romantic movies in his life. Or not, since Juliet wasn't a fan either. _Oh stop it. _He needed to get this done.

He pointed his eyes at her again. She looked back at him, face unchanged, waiting patiently. "I just… I love you. You know that. And I love us. And if a few years back someone would've told me I'd be doing this, I probably would've kicked his ass. You screw things up so many times you think that's how it will stay. That that's all you'll ever know. But it ain't. I know going home may look scary. But I can take any kind of scary if you're there with me. And I wanna be there with you."

He smiled at her, still feeling nervous. She was biting her lower lip. His eyes moved to the ring as he turned it between his fingers. When he looked back up at her face he could almost feel the weight of the moment. This was serious, and he loved it.

"I wanna marry you Jules. I want us to never end. What do you say?" Juliet had been staring at the ring but now lifted her head slightly. Her eyes looked bluer than ever to him. "Please marry me, baby."

She couldn't respond immediately because of the lump in her throat. Knowing about his intentions was one thing, hearing him actually propose was something totally different, something totally better. Edmund had never proposed. He had just announced that it was something they should do, or would do.

But this here, now, was so new to her. Here was James, conquering his own nerves, sweetly letting her know she was the one for him. Something she knew already, but still. To hear his words now - with the ring and the nervous smile, the mumbling, and the total blunt honesty - felt better than anything she'd ever felt before.

She smiled and sniffed. "OK. Yes." He exhaled, his face relaxing. And before she was able to say anything else he pulled her in and buried his head in her hair. Her mouth was next to his ear and she repeated her answer, whispering. "I'll marry you James. Of course I'll marry you."

She kissed his cheek and then moved back to kiss his mouth. He kissed her back, eagerly. When they broke apart she could tell she wasn't the only one crying.

"Propose to a girl. Cry in front of a girl. Two things I swore to myself I would never ever do. You make me break all my old rules Blondie." With shaky hands he put the ring on her finger.

"Yeah well… never falling this hard for someone was one of my old rules. You made me break that one long ago."

"OK. We'll call it even then."


	28. Epilogue part 1: Juliet

**I can't help myself! This epilogue is not going to be just one chapter but three. Part 1: Juliet. Part 2: James. Part 3: Juliet, James and everyone else. Hope you enjoy it. Please leave a review.**

* * *

Juliet arrived at Miami International Airport on March 16, 2008. Her only luggage was the temporary passport in her pocket and the clothes she was wearing. After over 24 hours of traveling, a transfer in Tokyo and one in Chicago, she was finally home (even though the word 'home' had lost its meaning over the years, except for a certain man who was still at the other end of the world). The airport looked vaguely familiar and completely alien at the same time. Her stomach felt jittery and her hands were sweating.

"Miss Burke?"

A friendly female voice interrupted her thoughts and nerves. Juliet nodded at the stranger.

"If you would like to follow me, please?"

"Follow you where?"

The slightly shorter woman, obviously a customs clerk, smiled politely. Her name tag read M Davis. "Your family is waiting in one of the rooms at the end of the hall."

Instantly the nerves were back, along with a growing lump in her throat. Juliet forcefully smiled back at the lady and followed her passed the 'baggage claim' signs, down the hall. She had to keep it together for at least a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes and she could touch Rachel again.

* * *

She had spoken to Rachel over the phone three times already. The first time James had been with her. They were still on Desmond's ship. The first 'shift', as James called it, had already left. Jack, Kate, Frank, Hurley and Sun had set foot on the island of Papua New Guinea that morning. They were all probably being interviewed about their second miraculous plane crash survival already.

Juliet and Miles were in the second shift. Even though there stories had no obvious link, at least they would both have someone there for support during their first days back in the real world.

Jin and James would be the third shift, the last ones to leave (they had agreed on creating a multiple week break between the return of the Ajira people and Jin and James, just to avoid any unnecessary media suspicion). Desmond had mapped out the entire plan, including stops in three different countries: Papua New Guinea first, Singapore second, The Philippines last.

"Why are you doing all this?" Juliet had asked him, hinting on the fact that he didn't really owe any of them anything.

"Wouldn't you do the same?" had been his reply. She couldn't answer that question so she just kept quiet.

After Jack and co had left, Penny had walked up to Juliet, handing her a phone and a number. "Call your sister" she'd said softly before walking off.

That first call had been all about tears, an awful lot of 'Oh my god! Is it really you?'-s from Rachel and a bunch of apologies from Juliet (although: what did she have to apologize for?). James' hand had been on Juliet's back the entire time and tears had just kept rolling down her face non-stop.

Rachel hadn't even asked her where she'd been all these years until the second phone call. That time she had been alone in a hotel room in Singapore. Miles was next door and she could hear his shower running. They talked a little bit about Julian, James, and Adam, the new guy in Rachel's life. But mostly about that last time they had seen each other. Rachel's parting words had been 'make us proud'_. _

The third time they spoke, Juliet was behind a computer in the hotel lobby. This thing called Skype was amazing and seeing Rachel's face on screen had been just too overwhelming. She'd looked so healthy! They had simply stared at each other for several minutes.

"I wish I could hug you" Rachel had whispered.

"Soon Rach. I'll be there in two days."

* * *

Now she was in Miami following this stranger to a room where Rachel would be. Juliet felt a slight surge of panic. The thought that this was all 'too good to be true' had popped up and she froze for a second.

_What if I can't have them both? _

She suddenly wanted to turn around and go back. Why couldn't James have been here with her?

_("You know why Blondie. We just gotta play this out right. Don't mean I like it though."_

_She heard Miles call her name behind her. He was ready to get off the boat. James touched her chin and kissed her gently. "I know this ain't ideal. But I'll be showing up on your doorstep before you know it.")_

"Mam? Are you ok?"

The clerk had also stopped walking and was now looking at her with squeezed eyebrows.

"Yes… Sorry. I'm fine."

Thirty meters further down the hall the woman stopped while pointing to a door on the left.

"We're here."

"My sister is in there?"

"Yes mam. You can go in." She smiled at Juliet, took her hand and shook it. "Welcome home, miss Burke."

* * *

Rachel was sitting at a table. When Juliet entered she abruptly rose, kicking over the chair while doing so. They both didn't notice.

Rachel's eyes were red. She had obviously already been crying. Her hands trembled when she walked over to Juliet to touch her face.

"Hi sis" was all Rachel managed to say.

* * *

The same strange feeling she'd had at the airport stayed with Juliet throughout the ride to Rachel's house. Everything was so familiar, yet so alien. Traffic was overwhelming, the highway seemed wider, there was advertising everywhere of things she'd never heard off, new buildings had emerged. And the whole scenery altogether just seemed less colorful than she remembered.

They were in the back of a cab, constantly touching each other, holding hands, stroking hair, wiping away each other's tears. Like actually feeling the other person was the only way to reassure themselves that this was really happening.

"You don't have a car?" Juliet tried to joke, not knowing what else to say. What words could possibly add value to their reunion anyway?

"You think I'm fit to drive right now?" Rachel joked in return, while rubbing Juliet's hand a little more.

* * *

Rachel had moved twice over the past six years. First to Juliet's apartment, right after Julian was born. She stayed there for three years.

"I'm telling you. Recovering from cancer, raising a toddler and organizing the search for the long lost sister? Not a good combination." Rachel smirked while saying it but the pain behind those words was obvious.

After three years a friend had advised her to move. So she bought this house, a semi detached family home with a nice spacious back yard. The move had been both closure and a new beginning. She let go of the hope of ever finding Juliet. She packed up Juliet's belongings and gave a lot of it to charity.

"There are some boxes with your stuff up in the attic. Clothes, books, pictures. I'm sorry Jules. I just couldn't handle keeping it all."

* * *

To Juliet's relief, Rachel had been so wise to have Julian spend the night at a friend's house. Even though she was anxious to meet her nephew, all she really wanted to do for the next few hours was just sit with Rachel, smell her, listen to her voice. Have her all to herself.

She called James while Rachel was in the kitchen making them tea. He was well on his way to the Philippines with Jin, Desmond and Penny. They would get there in a few hours and then he and Jin would be off to the real world as well.

"You sound tired."

"Call me crazy, but I ain't exactly sleepin' well when you're up in the air. B'sides, I have this crazy fiancé who calls me at 3 in the morning."

"I'm sorry" she started but he cut her short.

"Don't be ridiculous. You know damn well I've been waiting for this call."

It felt so insanely good to hear his voice.

"You allright? Rachel allright?" he continued.

"We're fine. She's in the kitchen. It's… It's just…"

"Kinda overwhelming?"

"VERY overwhelming. She looks at me like I came back from the dead."

"To her you _did _come back from the dead."

"I know."

"Just take it slow. You'll be fine."

Juliet could hear Rachel enter the living room behind her. She turned around to see her sister putting down a tea pot and two cups on the coffee table, along with some sandwiches. Rachel sat down next to her and started pooring tea.

"Did you hear from Miles?" Juliet asked James.

"Rachel just walked in?"

"Yep…."

She could hear him chuckle. "Miles is fine. Landed in LA a few hours back. He said he'll have the 'Welcome home LaFleur' sign ready when I land."

"How thoughtful of him."

Another chuckle.

"Look baby. You go back to your sister. The weirdness will wear out."

"I know."

"I'll let you know my flight details as soon as I get 'em."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She hung up and turned to Rachel. Her sister's face was softer now. Maybe the weirdness was already quieting down.

"You feel better now?" she asked Juliet.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just promised him to call as soon as I got here."

"Why are you apologizing for that? He's your fiancé." She handed Juliet a cup of tea. "Did you tell him I do intend on giving him the third degree when he gets here?"

"Not yet."

"I swear to God Julie. If he is anything like Edmund…."

"He's nothing like Edmund!"

"Good." Rachel picked up her own tea and placed her free hand on Juliet's knee. "Now. Start talking."

"I don't know where to start…"

"Start with something happy. We can get to the bad stuff later. Tell me how you and James happened."

* * *

_Flashback, November 1974_

It had been a nice evening: a laid back diner, a nice bottle of wine and a great view (he was handsome, she had to admit). He had walked her home like a proper gentleman. He had kissed her and she had let him.

"Why do I get the feeling there's not going to be a second date?" he asked when she pulled back after a few seconds.

"Jack…"

"It's ok Juliet…" He smiled at her. "I'll leave it to you. If you're ever up for it, let me know." He pushed a stray of hair behind her ear and placed a kiss on it.

Then he stepped off her porch, with a small wave and a smile.

_Oh God Juliet. Why can't you just feel good about this? Why can't you just BE good AT this?_

She was so fed up with this reservation she always seemed to have around men.

She opened the front door and let herself into the house.

"You're back early!" Sawyer commented from his chair, his book resting in his lap.

Juliet ignored him and instead started taking off her shoes. She still wasn't comfortable wearing heals again. Maybe she would just give in to a lifetime of sneakers and Dharma boots.

"Maybe it's the name." Sawyer continued. "Jack." He paused, no longer looking at her but at a random point in space. He tapped his chin with his index finger. Juliet couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"Jack. Jack. Jack…. Yep!" He put his book aside and pushed himself out of the chair. "It's the name." He walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "I'm tellin' you Blondie. Try something different. You know Jacks are boring." He walked over to her and handed her a beer.

"He's not boring" she answered in an attempt to defend her choice in men.

"It's 9.30."

"He's not boring!" she repeated, a little louder this time. "And he's an excellent kisser." She took a sip of her beer before looking up at James and giving him a smirk. "_Boring _is you, here, alone, on a Friday night."

"I'm alone by choice."

"Whatever." She brushed passed him and sat down at the dining table. He followed her, occupying the chair opposite hers.

"If he's so great, then why is he not in your bedroom right now and am I sitting here with you instead of a pair of ear plugs?"

Juliet looked down at her beer. She knew he expected her to come back with some sharp comment. But she just didn't have any.

They finished their first beer in silence. James stood up and walked back to the fridge, returning with a fresh six-pack.

"I feel like I spent half the night avoiding questions and the other half lying" Juliet started. She opened the second can James handed her. "I mean. He asked me about my childhood. That's fine. But how the hell am I supposed to know what children's books were popular in the 40s! He even asked me where I was when Armstrong landed on the moon."

"You'll get used to it."

"I wish I didn't have to." She sighed and took another sip. She looked up at him and he stared back at her for a few long seconds. "How do you do it?" she finally managed to ask. "How do you keep this up?"

"You keep it up because you have to. And then after a while you've got yourself a solid fake life that you start mistaking for your real one."

"That's how you do it?"

"It's the only way." He lifted himself from his chair and grabbed a pack of cards from the coffee table. "Now. Onto happier topics. Let's play Uno and drink more of this Dharma piss. Night's still young."

* * *

Many months later he would admit to her how relieved he had been that she had come home early and alone that evening. That day he'd thought it was because he didn't feel like running into another guy in the bathroom. The truth was he didn't want to run into another guy. Ever. Period.

* * *

Two hours and five games of Uno later they decided to call it quits. She was feeling deliciously tipsy. James grabbed the empty beer cans and walked over to the kitchen to dump them into the bin. She followed him.

"I'm such an idiot" she sighed while leaning back against the counter and folding her arms. "I could be in bed right now with a handsome guy."

"Instead you've been playing Uno with a handsome guy." He flashed some dimples her way. "Not a bad deal I'd say."

Very true. Though she would never tell him that.

"James? Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Am I… cold? With men?"

He looked at her, surprised. "No" he answered after some seconds.

"You had to think about that?"

"I had to think about why on earth you would be asking something like that." He slowly walked over to where she was standing.

"I was cold with you before we got stranded here."

"Well I didn't give you much room to be anything else back then."

"I was cold with Miles."

He smiled. "We were all cold with Miles. With good reason."

His left hand moved up her arm as he pushed one of the straps of her dress back up her shoulder. She shivered under his touch. "You're not cold Juliet." he whispered. Their eyes locked. He was awfully close all of a sudden. She could smell the sweet scent of his sweat and the hint of beer in his breath.

"Good" she managed to mumble. "Cause I don't want to be."

His left hand was still lingering on her shoulder and she felt it moving upwards, to her neck, and then onto her cheek. The kitchen counter pressed uncomfortably against her lower back as nerves were rapidly building in her stomach. Was he messing with her?

Before she could answer that question his lips were on hers. She was so startled by his move that she pulled back instantly, placing her hands down on the counter to steady herself. He backed away, though his hand remained on her cheek.

He wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked all serious. Oh God, she wanted this! How she hated herself for wanting this! He opened his mouth to speak but before he could form a word she moved forward, closing the gap between them, and kissed him. He hummed in approval and she felt his right arm circling her back, pulling her closer. A small moan escaped her throat at the taste of his tongue. His hands were ridiculously gentle and firm at the same time, pulling her away from the counter and down the hallway. What if he _was_ messing with her? She couldn't care less right now. At least she would be getting him tonight.

_End flashback_

* * *

Miami, March 2008

That night in bed Juliet couldn't sleep. Rachel's guest room was comfortable and cozy. But empty. She had just been reunited with her sister hours ago and now she felt totally alone. She was beyond exhaustion and kept staring at the empty pillow next to her. It was midnight. That meant noon in Manila. Maybe James was already at the Embassy. Maybe he already had a new passport. Maybe he would be on the phone with Oceanic. He could be in the air in a few hours.

_Oh please let him be safe._

There was a light knock on the door. Juliet turned around to see Rachel standing there, leaning against the door frame.

"I saw your lights on. Thought you might need this." She sat down on the edge of the bed and handed Juliet a sleeping pill. "It's mild stuff. Don't worry."

Juliet pushed herself up and tugged her hair behind her ears.

"Here." Rachel handed her the glass of water that was on the night stand.

Juliet swallowed the pill, grateful for the fact that six years apart hadn't damaged Rachel's ability to read her little sister's needs.

"You thinking of James?"

"I'm just worried about him flying. Last time he was on a plane it crashed."

"He'll be fine."

Juliet placed her palms on her eyes and sighed. When she removed her hands she looked at her sister, the person right next to her, the one she should be focusing on now. "I'm not going to talk about him anymore now. I promise."

"It's okay."

"No it's not. I haven't seen you in over six years. I want to know everything that's happened to you. I want to meet your son. And Adam. I want us to look at old pictures and…"

"Ssssh! Juliet." Rachel interrupted her. "Stop it." She placed both hands on Juliet's shoulders. "We'll have plenty of time for all that. Plenty of time. To be honest, I still need to get my head around the fact that you're here. I know I've been looking at you funny. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Juliet crossed her arms and placed her hands on top of Rachel's. "We can take our time?" she asked.

"I think we have to."

"Can I ask for one thing Rach?"

"Anything."

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I don't want to be alone."

"I thought you'd never ask."


	29. Epilogue part 2: James

**Here's James' part. My longest chapter ever! Review if you like :)**

* * *

Re-entering civilization proved to be more complex for James and Jin than for any of the others. Every single person on the Oceanic 815 passenger list had officially been listed as 'deceased', apart from the six who'd returned. Coming back from the dead turned out to be a hassle and officials from both the US Embassy and the South Korean Embassy had been up and running to confirm that these two men actually were who they claimed to be. An Oceanic representative called as soon as the news that two more survivors from the 815 crash had surfaced came out. The man offered to fly them and their families all to Los Angeles, so they could facilitate their 'home coming' and discuss 'official matters'. But Jin refused to go to the United States. Which made total sense since he wasn't a US citizen to begin with and his home country, wife and daughter were 'around the corner' from their current location.

So instead, some people from Oceanic flew out to meet them in Manilla. The whole ordeal took three days, three extra days of being stranded out here in this place when all James wanted to do was to leave. Things were different for Jin. Sun flew out with Ji Yeon because she couldn't stand the wait. She also informed them that she'd spoken to some fancy lawyer about representing both Jin and James during their 'negotiation' with Oceanic. James grinned when she explained her fast move ("You weren't here last time Sawyer. It took us forever to get these guys going."), and couldn't help wondering how this once so shy woman had turned into such a hands-on person. No one spoke of Claire and the fact that soon another survivor might resurface somewhere on the planet.

* * *

Witnessing Jin meet his daughter for the first time was bitter sweet. When Oceanic asked James if he had any relatives they needed to inform, he replied he didn't have any. Juliet was none of their business. Clementine was none of their business.

* * *

When the whole embassy circus finally ended and passports had been issued, James agreed to fly to LA for some more meetings at Oceanic headquarters. Because he had no close family, they'd offered to set him up with the basics (meaning cash) until a formal settlement could be made. His goodbye to Jin was brief, covered up with a lot of 'I'll talk to you soon'-s. Truth was, it made his heart hurt to say goodbye to his friend. The only thing that made it a little less difficult was Jin's promise to fly out for the wedding ("I hope you don't wait too long with that, like you did with the proposal" Jin joked).

* * *

No one showed up at LAX to welcome James, just like he'd imagined. He had forbidden Juliet to fly out since they'd agreed that he would come to her. Besides, he wanted her far away in case of any media spotlights. Kate called his hotel (the one Oceanic had arranged for him to stay at) almost immediately after his arrival to tell him that she'd informed Cassidy of his return and to give him Cassidy's phone number. ("Maybe you should call her, James." "To say _what_, Kate?"). He couldn't think about Cassidy yet, no matter how much Clementine had been on his mind these last couple of days.

Not ten minutes after he'd hung up on Kate, Miles came knocking on his door and James finally felt some solid ground beneath his feet. He called Juliet while Miles kept up his nonstop chatter in the background (mostly about how nice the hotel room was and that it was unfair that he hadn't received this kind of courtesy after three years of island life).

"They're just making me sit through a few meetings with some airline peeps. Sun's on top of everything else. How are you holdin' up?"

He could hear her sigh. "I don't know James. She's watching me like a hawk. As if I'm going to disappear again if she leaves me alone for ten minutes." She cleared her throat. "She wants to know everything that's happened. I feel like I have to watch every word that comes out of my mouth."

"Can't you just tell her there are certain things you ain't ready to talk about yet?"

"There are things I'll never be ready to talk about with her."

"I know."

She was silent for a few seconds.

"Juliet..."

"How long before you get here?"

"Two days tops."

"Don't worry!" Miles shouted from behind. "I'll make sure he behaves himself."

"I think it will be the other way around" Sawyer commented while looking at Miles examining the ins and outs of his hotel room. "He's emptying the mini bar like Speedy Gonzales on crack."

Juliet now chuckled on the other end of the line. "You better go take care of him then."

"You got any suggestions for treating short Asian men with post traumatic stress syndrome doctor?"

"Sorry. I'm kind of still figuring that one out myself."

James smiled. "I'll be there soon, I promise. Things will settle down."

* * *

Miles added a significant amount of money to the Oceanic hotel bill, including most things on the room service menu and a reload of the mini bar. But James couldn't care less. He felt relaxed and happy to have his friend around. Maybe he would convince Miles to move to Florida.

After Miles had left, Sun and Jin called with a lawyer update. Things seemed to be going well and it looked like they would reach a settlement within days. When only Jin remained on the other end of the line and James asked him how he was doing, the Korean stayed quiet.

"Jin?"

"I am… just very happy James. I don't know what else to say."

It was the way Jin said it – so full of honest emotion – that left James speechless as well.

When he was finally all by himself, without company or phone calls, James turned off the air-conditioning and opened one of the windows. He lay himself down on the bed, closed his eyes and relaxed to the distant sound of LA traffic. He let his mind drift to the only person he really wanted to be with right now.

* * *

_Flashback, November 1974_

James woke up to the sound of running water in the bathroom. He grunted and rolled over to go back to sleep. These Dharma shacks were so damn thin-walled. And what time was it anyway? Without opening his eyes he reached for his nightstand to locate his watch but his hand landed on something soft. Another pillow. He peaked through his eye lashes.

_I'm on the wrong side of the bed._

He moved over to where he usually slept and then it dawned on him. This wasn't his bed. This was Juliet's bed. He'd spent the night here. They had sex. Had they? He peaked under the covers. Yep, he was definitely naked.

_Holy crap. _How had that happened?

James closed his eyes and let the film of the previous night replay in his mind. Her failed date (_amen _to that), them drinking beer, her leaning against the kitchen counter, looking kind of sexy. When she'd asked him that question, he'd presented himself with a dare. Lame but true. He challenged himself to see if he could get what this Jack guy obviously couldn't. He'd always considered Juliet _off limits _for the sake of the con. But with her standing there, looking at him with those big blue eyes, all he could think about was maybe adding some silver lining to this whole doomed 70s situation (and save himself from having to go through with any of the Dharma ladies in the near future).

He heard footsteps approach. _Shit. _The thought of seeing her after the all night exploration they'd just shared made him feel awkward. Should he pretend to still be asleep? No he shouldn't. He'd been through more 'morning after' scenario's than he could remember. Nothing to worry about.

When he opened his eyes Juliet was already standing in the doorway, wearing a robe. She seemed uneasy to find him awake, but quickly covered her face with that blank expression he'd grown so accustomed to.

"Good morning" she said quietly.

"Mornin' yourself." He smiled at her while willing his heart to slow down.

She walked past the bed to her closet, opened the left door and started searching its content.

"What ya doin'?" he asked.

"Getting clothes" she answered while flipping through the different bundles of fabric in front of her.

"You gettin' up?"

"Yeah." She picked out a pair of sweat pants, a tank top and underwear and turned around. "But you don't have to if you don't want to" she added as she started walking back towards the hallway.

Damn. Last night might have been unexpected, but he felt no need to rush back to normal. She could just come back to bed for a little while longer.

"Juliet." He pushed himself up into sitting position. She paused at the sound of her name and looked at him, her arms tightly folded around the bundle of clothing.

"What's the rush? Bed's still warm". _Lame. _She bit her lip while hovering at the doorway. Something in her face shifted though, like she was considering her options. James was about to add 'please' when there was a knock on the front door.

_Damnit._

"I… I better get that" she half whispered. And out the door she was.

James rubbed his eyes and sighed. He could hear Amy's voice. Little miss nosey parker probably came by to ask about Juliet's date, since she had been the one to set it up. _Well I got news for you missy. Guess who she ended up with last night?_

He'd kissed her. Yep, that's how it happened. He'd kissed her and she'd kissed him back (and with a lot more passion than he'd expected). She was a damn good kisser. Hell. She turned out to be a damn good everything. And somewhere between that kiss and him unzipping her dress he forgot about his 'dare' and honestly thanked his lucky stars. He was going to make sure she would not soon forget this night.

He _thought_ he'd done a pretty good job at that until she just now basically fled the bedroom. James threw back the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His boxers and jeans were right there on the floor. He put them on and walked to the bathroom to trash the condoms, evidence that they'd indeed had sex. And lots of it.

* * *

He waited till Amy was gone before entering the living room. Juliet, now dressed in her sweatpants and tank top, was by the kitchen counter making coffee.

"Did she come by to check up on your 'date'?" James asked in a slightly sarcastic voice.

"She came to invite us to dinner" she answered, not taking her eyes of the coffee maker. "It's Paul's birthday and she's having some people over. I guess she doesn't want to be alone."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Sawyer rested his shirtless back against the fridge, observing Juliet's actions.

"So…" he started. "You gonna tell me why you felt the need to sprint out of the bedroom just now?"

He could see her tense up but chose to ignore it. "I mean. Call me crazy but from what I recall I wasn't the only one enjoying myself last night."

"James.." She switched on the coffee machine and gave him an incredulous look.

"What?"

She turned away from the counter and stared at him for a few long seconds, opening and closing her mouth like she was looking for the right thing to say.

"Can you step aside?"

"No." He crossed his arms, very aware of the fact that he was blocking the fridge.

"Come on. I just want to make breakfast."

"And I just want ya to talk to me." He pushed himself off the cold metallic door and walked over to her. He raised his right hand and let it wander on the skin of her shoulder and down her upper arm.

"We're roommates." She stated matter-of-factly, as if he didn't know.

"We also had sex last night."

He could see her cheeks flush as she dropped her eyes towards his chest.

"I'm well aware of that."

"And from the amount of condoms in your dresser I'd say you were expecting to get laid." Shit. Leave it up to him to go ahead and make such a crude comment. She didn't seem to mind though. Instead she let out a chuckle.

"Yeah. Just not.."

"By me."

She nodded in response.

"Hey" he reached for her chin and lifted her head so he could look at her. "We had a good time right?"

"We're already in over our heads here James. I don't need any more complications."

"Who said anything about complications?" Slowly he placed his lips on hers. "Tell me" he whispered. "When you woke up this morning, did you regret what we did?"

"Did _you_?"

"I'm kissin' you right now, ain't I?"

She smiled. "Only cause I'm letting you."

_End flashback_

* * *

_Los Angeles, March 2008_

He woke up to a nasty ring by his right ear.

"It's 8 am Mr. Ford."

James grunted, while slowly waking up to the reality of being in an LA hotel room.

"Would you like me to send up some breakfast? And oh. A woman named Juliet called earlier. I told her you were still asleep. She didn't leave a message."

Sawyer rubbed his eyes and searched for the glasses he'd collected in the Philippines with Penny. They were crap, but better than nothing.

"Yeah. Well. If she calls again, just put her through. Don't matter what time it is."

"Yes sir."

He hung up and dialed Rachel's number. No response. He needed to get himself a cell phone. So should she. He got up and moved to the bathroom. His reflection in the mirror was downright depressing. He looked just how he felt: hung over and jetlagged.

* * *

By 11 o'clock he was sitting in one of the meeting rooms at Oceanic headquarters, feeling a lot better now that he'd had a shower and a few cups of coffee. He'd shaken a couple of dozen pair of hands already and had listened to even more apologies. _Jesus. These people feel insanely guilty. _Like it was their fault his plane just broke in half in mid air. A guy named Johansson had apparently been assigned to deal with him this morning. He was Sawyer's age, tall, clean shaven and tie wearing. The complete opposite of James, who had grown attached to his stubble. And even though he'd had them washed at the hotel, the clothes he was wearing were still the same as the ones he'd worn underneath his jumpsuit in 1977. He really needed to do some shopping.

The man searched a tiny briefcase that he'd brought along and took out a folder filled with paper work.

"Listen" James started in an attempt to speed things up. "I'm sure ya all updated yourselves on my life story from before the crash. So you can imagine I ain't keen on letting my old social circle know that I'm alive and well. If you don't mind, I just like to lay it low. Start over some place new. I've lost enough time as it is."

The Johansson guy nodded while flipping through the papers inside the folder.

"If there's any media people with burning questions they can talk to Kwon's lawyer. His story is my story."

"I understand Mr. Ford. And we'll be in touch with Mr. Kwon as well. It's just been quite the month for survival stories as you probably know."

_Yeah I know. Let's not get into that._

"All the more reason why the media should be fed up right now and move onto something new."

* * *

_Miami, that same day_

It was 10 pm and quiet on the streets. He'd lost all sense of direction during the cab ride but the address he'd scribbled down a couple of days ago matched the house he was now looking at.

He should have called. He should have bought that cell phone just in case. What if she called his hotel? He had completely forgotten to check out but still… He hadn't spoken to her all day.

He handed the driver his fare and got out of the car. It was warmer here than in LA and the silence outside calmed his nerves. He grabbed his luggage – a small bag, containing no more than some toiletries, his crappy glasses, his passport, some cash and a credit card – and made his way to the front door. When he pressed the doorbell on the left side nothing happened. So instead he knocked, while double checking the address.

Ever since he'd been able to brush off any commitments that would keep in him LA and instead had hopped on the first available flight out to Miami, he felt dazed. Like he was about to enter some alternate universe, back into Juliet's old life, where Rachel had been a regular and he was the new kid in town.

He heard someone approaching and straightened his back. It wasn't Juliet. Some other woman opened the door. She looked displeased to have a stranger come by her house at this time of night and gave him a questioning look.

"Yes?"

"Are you Rachel?" he asked, working hard to keep his voice calm and steady. Why was he so damn nervous?

The woman placed one hand on the doorframe while she observed him with some hesitation.

"I'm James."

Her eyebrows rose as realization seemed to kick in. "Oh." One hand went to her mouth. "Shit. Yeah. Jesus. I mean, come in." She opened the door for him to enter and he stepped into a neat, small hallway. Coats to the left, mirror on the right, children's shoes on the floor.

"I'm sorry about the doorbell." Rachel continued. "My son's asleep. And the thing is kind of loud."

James glanced at what he thought to be the entrance to the living room. The house was totally quiet.

"Juliet didn't say you were coming tonight."

"That's cause I ain't told her. I finished up early. Thought I'd just fly out here."

Rachel was still standing by the doorway, studying him.

"Is she here?" he asked.

"Of course she's here. Where else would she be?" Rachel answered as she closed the door behind her.

The protective tone of her voice unsettled James a bit. "Nowhere. Of course she's here. I just… Where is she?"

"Upstairs. She's been having trouble sleeping. So I send her to bed early."

"Can I see her?"

He must have sounded desperate, because Rachel's face softened and she gave him a smile.

"I think she would kick me out of my own house if I said no that."

* * *

He followed Rachel upstairs, one floor, two floors, towards the guest room. With every step his stomach seemed to do a u-turn. By the time they reached the top floor, he was feeling dizzy and he kept his hand on the railing just in case. Rachel didn't seem to notice. She pointed with her head at the door and stepped back.

James pushed down the handle. The door opened inwards. Directly to the right was the bed and he could make out Juliet's sleeping form in the bit of light that streamed in from the hallway. Relief washed over him at the sight of her. Oxygen seemed to find its way back to his brain and he felt the muscles in his neck and shoulders relax. She was on his side of the bed, back turned towards the door. Her breath was calm and even.

James placed his bag on the floor and walked over to where she was lying. Rachel remained in the doorway, her silhouette casting a large shadow on the bed. James wished she would just go away and give them some privacy. He felt like crying and he'd be damned if he was going to cry in front of the long lost sister.

He kneeled down by the bed. Juliet was fast asleep. She had one hand tugged under her cheek and was clutching the bed sheet with her other. His hand moved to her face and he traced the line from her eyebrow to her chin. She stirred lightly.

"Blondie" he whispered, while repeating the movement.

She moaned a bit and clutched the sheet even tighter to her chest. "Let me sleep James. I wanna sleep…"

He smiled at her murmuring and placed a kiss on her wrist. "That's fine with me. It's just that you're on my side of the bed."

"Huh?" She opened her eyes and gave him a sleepy, disoriented look.

"Welcome to Miami sleepyhead."

"Oh" she whispered as she seemed to realize where she was. "You're here."

She tried to lift herself but her still sleeping muscles failed to cooperate.

"Sssh. Easy there."

She pushed herself onto her elbows and he helped her to sit up. She touched his chin and placed her hands on both his cheeks. "You're really here." Her voice was shaky and he smiled. "I'm here."

"When did you get here?" she asked while taking one hand of his face to rub her eyes.

"Just now."

"Did you meet Rachel?"

"Who else do you think opened the door for me, Sherlock?"

Juliet bit her lower lip and sniffed. He could tell she was about to cry. He leaned in to kiss her. Her hands moved to the back of his neck and he could feel the coldness of her ring press against his skin. This was all he wanted. He didn't need anything else but this. Juliet pulled back and rested her head on his shoulder. He started rubbing small circles on her back, like he'd done a million times before. When he looked up at the door, Rachel was gone.

**On to Epilogue part 3!**


	30. Epilogue part 3: the end

**This really is the final chapter! :( It's kind of long, but I had too many scenes in my head that I at least wanted to touch upon, so I just kept writing. It's mostly J&J, with some Miles and Kate (other characters are mentioned here and there). Time period: March - July 2008.**

**Thanks to everyone for reading! I had a great time writing it (mostly anyway, he he). Please leave a review, because this is my last chance at hearing all your lovely thoughts!**

* * *

_Miami, March 2008_

The first few days James spent in Miami were awkward to say the least. It wasn't that he didn't like Rachel. In fact, had circumstances been different he would probably have been very comfortable around her. She was funny, hospitable and extremely direct. And when Rachel's boyfriend Adam came over for dinner on James' second night, he'd actually had a good honest laugh. Adam was a fellow Southerner who'd moved here for work and they'd both spoken with an exaggerated Southern drawl all evening just to get at the girls.

No. The thing that made this whole situation awkward was seeing the two sisters together. Both of them tried so hard to keep up the 'reunion bliss' even though it was painfully obvious that the Six Years of Separation filled every corner of every room. Juliet played the happy long-lost-aunt to Julian a little too enthusiastically while being evasive with almost every question Rachel asked. Rachel, who tried to stay patient and understanding, was seemingly growing frustrated.

The side effect of the whole sisterly charade consisted of the increasing amount of jealous glances James received from Rachel. Something he couldn't blame her for really. He knew everything that had happened to Juliet. And he knew that Rachel knew that. He'd taken over Rachel's role of confidant in Juliet's life, and it triggered a weird sense of guilt in him. _Sorry for screwing your sister while you were busy mourning her._

_("What have you told her Blondie" he'd asked her on his first night with her, after they'd gone to bed._

"_I've told her all about us."_

"_Happy to hear, but that ain't what I meant." _

_She had rolled herself onto her back and had started talking with that distant tone in her voice, like she was giving him the weather report._

"_I told her Richard brought me to an island, somewhere in the Pacific, on a submarine instead of a plane. I told her there was no communication with the main land, so that people could focus on their work, without distractions. That my research was harder than expected and that I couldn't finish it in the six months I signed up for. And that when I wanted to leave and go home to be with her, he wouldn't let me."_

"_Who's 'he'?"_

"…_. Richard."_

"_You're givin' him an awful lot of fake credit here."_

"_James… please.")_

* * *

On his third day in Miami he found Rachel in the kitchen late afternoon, making preparations for dinner. It was pasta night and she was chopping up vegetables while staring out into the back yard where Juliet was wrapped up in a discussion with her nephew. At the sound of James' footsteps, Rachel glanced over her shoulder.

"Careful with that knife there" he tried to joke.

Rachel gave him a half smile, her eyes tired, before turning her head back towards the scene outside. James grabbed a glass from the cupboards and checked the fridge for something cold to drink. It was another hot day out there and it wasn't even summer yet.

"How ya doin' Rachel?" he tried.

She seemed caught off guard by his question. "I'm fine" she answered dryly, while continuing her work.

The easy thing to do now was to smile, nod and go back to his book. Instead he walked over and leaned himself onto the kitchen counter next to where she was standing.

Rachel looked at him without blinking (_Damn, I guess that ain't an 'Other' thing after all) _and sighed. "It's just… sometimes she looks at me…. And it's just… cold….. Was she like that when you met her?"

_Well…. _The memory of Juliet staring at him in the jungle as she took that meds briefcase from his hands flashed through his mind. She'd intimidated the hell out of him back then. Probably out of Sayid too.

"Sometimes" he answered evasively.

"She used to be almost too emotional, you know. I always criticized her for that, told her to toughen up. And now…"

"She's been through a lot."

"Through what, exactly? All she does is give me these little bits of info. Like I'm a kid that gets fed a cookie just to shut up. I mean. Jesus. I just want to fill in the blanks."

* * *

She knew she wasn't being fair to Rachel. But she just didn't know how to tell her more than she already had. She just wanted to keep things simple and happy. But the bubble was showing cracks.

Then one night during diner Rachel announced she had a hospital appointment the next day. Could Juliet pick up Julian from school? Just like that. As if the combination of 'Rachel' and 'hospital' in one sentence didn't bring back a shitload of bad memories.

"What do you mean, hospital? For what?" Juliet asked with a dry mouth.

"It's just standard procedure Jules. Annual checkup. Two scans. I'll be gone three hours tops."

"They do annual checkups for five years Rachel. You've been cancer free for almost seven."

Her sister stopped eating and stared at her from across the table.

"I..."

When Rachel didn't continue, the rest of the table went silent as well. Cutlery stopped scratching on plates and Juliet could just feel her nephew's eyes moving from his mum to her and back.

_Oh God. _

She felt James place a hand on her wrist but she yanked her arm away, dropping her fork on the floor while doing so. His touch was too warm and she could almost feel his pity. Her hands turned into fists as she tried to focus on her sister's face, ignoring the ringing in her ears.

"Your cancer came back…" It was more a statement than a question.

Rachel's face tensed up slightly. As if she was surprised that this news would upset Juliet this much. She looked… apologetic at best. "I'm fine now Julie. It's no big…"

"Just… tell me" Juliet interrupted. Her mouth felt even more dry now, and why wasn't there any water on the table? There was always water on the table.

"Yes" Rachel whispered. "They found another tumor, about five months after you left."

_(Your sister won't be giving birth in three months Juliet. She'll be dead by then. Her cancer is back.)_

Juliet swallowed hard to get rid of the acid taste that was forming in the back of her throat. The smell of roasted potatoes and chicken suddenly turned her stomach upside down. _I'm gonna be sick. _

"I need some air" she whispered while slowly getting up. She avoided James' look and walked toward the hallway, to the staircase. She clutched her hand around the hand rail as she rushed to the top floor, taking the stairs two steps at a time. In her bedroom she headed for the small guest bathroom and locked the door behind her. She fell down on her knees, yanked the toilet lid open and threw up.

* * *

She wanted to be alone. By herself, on the bathroom floor, with the cool tiles pressing against her back. But James came looking for her and she couldn't keep him out. He was wise enough not to speak. Instead, he just sat down next to her, waiting for her nausea to fade.

When she heard Rachel put Julian to bed she forced herself to get up.

"I think I need to talk now."

"OK."

"Not everything James. Not… everything."

They both got up and headed downstairs. When Rachel came back, they all sat down in the living room. Juliet next to James, Rachel on the smaller sofa at the opposite end of the coffee table.

"I don't know where to start." Juliet whispered.

"Why don't you start with Ben."

* * *

She shared as much as she could, automatically switching to that serene calm voice she had ready for whenever something too painful was about to be exposed. But the calmness failed her this time. When she talked about Ben, her voice wavered. When she felt Rachel's fingers trace the lines of the mark on her back ('they gave me that when I tried to leave against their will') she just wanted to run back upstairs. When she shared the names of all the women she'd lost, she cried. She didn't mention Danny, or the fact that Goodwin died because of her. Not a word about time traveling or smoke monsters or Jacob.

When Rachel asked if she was safe, if there was a chance that these same people would come looking for her again, James helped her out.

"They're dead. Alpert had an accident. And Ben died… of cancer."

And that was that. Half truth. Half lies. Juliet looked at James as he pinched her hand. Everything unsaid would stay between them.

* * *

_Miami, April 2008_

One morning, Jin called with the news that a settlement with Oceanic had been reached. _Fuckin' finally. _Their lawyer would be in touch with James as well, but Jin wanted to give him a heads up.

This could mean closure of some sort. He and Juliet would have the financial means to buy a house and get started with their own lives. When Jin had explained the ins and outs as best he could the Korean fell silent.

"Somethin' wrong Jin-bo?"

"James. Sun is pregnant."

"Well, don't you move fast." James grinned in response. "Congratulations Papa-san! How's Sun? She ok?"

"She is ok. But I…"

"Looks like you're gonna break the daddy record" James kept going. "Two kids in one year. What's your other girl think of becomin' a big sister?"

"James…"

"What?"

"Sun got pregnant on the island."

"What?"

"I think you should talk to Juliet."

* * *

He'd been twisting his thumbs for over an hour when he finally heard the front door open. Juliet and Rachel had been on a shopping trip the entire morning and he could hear them giggling as they entered the house. So much of the heavy atmosphere had been lifted since that evening on the couch. And now he held a piece of news that could (would) possibly unsettle things again.

He masked his face and greeted them both, Rachel with a smile, Juliet with a kiss. He sat through their display of newly acquired items (finally, cell phones…) but as soon as Rachel slipped away for a bathroom break he turned to Juliet.

"We gotta talk."

"Hmmm?" she was flipping through her phone manual, seemingly intrigued by this 'modern' piece of equipment.

"Sun's pregnant."

That caught her attention. "What?"

"Jin called while you girls were out."

"But… how? He can't… They can't…"

James heard Rachel flushing the toilet and leaned over. "She got pregnant on the island Juliet."

She stared at him in disbelief, as if she was half expecting him to admit to a joke.

"Everything ok?" came Rachel's voice from behind.

"Yeah. All good. It's just.." James started. "Would ya excuse us for a few minutes? Jin called with news about the settlement. I wanna run some things by Juliet real quick." He grabbed Juliet's hand and guided her out of the living room.

Upstairs they sat down on the edge of the bed.

"They used protection" Juliet mumbled, while twisting her engagement ring, something that made him even more uneasy.

"Yeah."

"Maybe she forgot to take them. I mean, that's possible. It happens."

"That don't sound like Sun. Not on the island anyway."

Juliet placed her face in her hands. "Oh my god."

"Let's not… jump to conclusions. We just gotta get you one of these tests. Those things are pretty spot on right?" His palms were feeling slightly sweaty and he rubbed them against his jeans a few times.

"I could be pregnant." Juliet straightened her back and looked at him. Was she happy about that. Sad? He couldn't tell. Blankness had taken over her face.

"We've never talked about kids" she continued.

"No." And with reason. Him? A parent? Worst idea ever. Right? Still, he had to ask. "Have you thought about it? With me, I mean?"

"Yeah. I have."

"And you never brought it up."

"Timing was always off James."

_Understatement of the year_.

She turned her attention back to her ring. "What are we going to do? If I'm pregnant?"

"Don't know. Take you off alcohol and wait for nine months. I guess…"

"You'd be ok with it?"

_Hell no. _The thought alone freaked him out. What did he have to offer a child anyway? "I... don't know" he sighed, staring down at his hands. "But at least I got you to compensate for all my future parenting mistakes, right?"

"Don't talk yourself down like that."

"I don't think I am."

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Then he pushed himself up. Best to just dodge the bullet as fast as possible. "I'll run by the drugstore."

* * *

An hour later all three tests (better make sure you get it right) came back negative. To his own surprise, James didn't feel relieved.

"Well" Juliet said, while staring at the little displays. "All that worry for nothing." She walked back into the bathroom and tossed everything into the bin.

* * *

_Los Angeles, March - April 2008_

He did it twice in the last four weeks. Just two times. Pick up his 'old' job. But only for the cash. People still knew him. Three years away hadn't changed the fact that he was quite unique in his field. And if he'd wanted to, he could have easily slipped back into that type of life. But the aftermath both times had been disturbing. His parents came to hunt him in his dreams. First the way he'd seen them last (how twisted was that anyway): healthy, in love, happy. But somewhere along the line they turned into corpses, then into ghosts, and he would wake up panting, sweating. But the waking up didn't bring relief. His parents were dead. And his stomach turned at the memory of his mum on her death bed, or the thought of his dad dying in the purge.

So he turned the page. No more of that stuff. If he was staying away from the dead, maybe the dead would stay away from him.

Miles kept busy during the weeks that followed. He visited the gym daily, even though he hated it. He accepted Hurley's offer to help him out with some work at Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack. He started spending nights with the Reyes family, even though Hurley's mum drove him mad. He tried to enjoy all the benefits that modern civilization had to offer.

But whenever he was by himself, in that crappy apartment that he'd rented (one of the few available affordable places he could find) loneliness hit him hard. His closest friends lived on the East Coast or across the Atlantic and even though in this time zone his parents had been dead for years, to him it had only been weeks. Hadn't he seen them almost every day for the past three years? To know that he would never see them again made his stomach cramp up.

When Sawyer called him on the last Friday of April he tried to play it cool (as he always did when his friend called). James was in a good mood and gave him the ins and outs on how _finally _he and Juliet had found a house for themselves. Rental, but still. They would keep house hunting, but at least they'd have more privacy.

"That's great Jim" Miles grumbled unintentionally.

"Don't sound too excited Enos."

"Well. I'm just fed up with this shithole I'm living in. That's all."

"If your apartment is crap, why don't ya just move?"

"Yeah, yeah. There's a million things I need to do LaFleur. I mean Ford. Whatever… B'sides, not all of us are loaded."

"I ain't loaded if ya must know. Just… comfortable." James sighed. "I know you feel like shit Straume."

Miles heard Juliet mumble something in the background. "Hold on. The woman wants to talk to ya."

"Miles?"

"Hey."

"We miss you."

Damnit. She was making things worse. "No need to butter me up for this whole best man thing, Juliet. It's a yes already."

"Girls don't have a best man. You should update yourself on wedding protocol."

"Ha ha. Hilarious. Just make sure you have plenty of booze or I might purposely lose the rings."

"Miles?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you move to Florida?"

He lowered his phone and squeezed his eyes shut.

* * *

_Los Angeles – Albuquerque, March – April 2008_

Kate felt like everything had just slipped through her fingers in the worst possible way. Jack, Claire, Sawyer (_again_), Aaron.

Aaron.

Missing Aaron was like missing a long or half of her heart. It made breathing difficult and caused burning sensations in her chest. Things had been bearable on the island, but now that she was back, the sense of loss was overwhelming. She couldn't talk to Jack. Like going back to the island hadn't healed anything between them, but instead had created greater distance. He was caught up in his own world, trying to get back on his feet, _without _alcohol, spending long days at the hospital. He was busy and she was probably too much of a reminder of his destructive depressive years. The rejection hurt. Hadn't they loved each other?

She looked up Mrs. Littleton online and memorized her phone number. But she never had the courage to call. (What to say anyway? _I'm sorry I couldn't get your daughter back. Can I please, please hear Aaron's voice?)._

She briefly moved back into her old house. But Aaron's room was right there, along with all his stuff, and just the _knowing _that he was gone was enough of a torture already. She didn't need the million visible, practical little reminders like his blue sneakers, his toys, his drawings on the fridge, his pictures on the wall (Jack's pictures on the wall…).

So, she left.

Kate didn't know how to grieve. But she knew how to run. She ended up in Albuquerque, where she found comfort in the company of a friend (her only one, it felt) and the sweet face of Sawyer's daughter.

Cassidy was patient with her and a good listener. But when Kate started talking about James, that he was still alive, how he'd changed, Cassidy cut her short.

"Stay out of this Kate." As far as Cassidy was concerned, Sawyer was a closed book. Clementine thought her father was dead (which up until a few weeks ago had actually been 'the truth').

But Kate couldn't (or wouldn't) give up on this. She longed to make something right to make up for the million wrongs in her life. Eventually Cassidy gave in and went along with Kate's request to give Sawyer her phone number.

"You happy? Now drop it."

And then, six weeks after leaving the island, Jack called out of the blue. "Claire is back."

_Claire is back._

She was in Australia with her mother and Aaron and had called Jack. Wasn't he her brother, after all? She'd asked for Kate as well. Asked for her to call.

When Kate typed in the Australian number she had imprinted in her brain for weeks now, she felt a shot of aliveness move through her body. A surge of hope. Maybe things would be ok after all.

* * *

_Miami, May 2008_

James had bought a car earlier that week and was now taking her for a spin. The tarmac beneath him felt so smooth he could imagine himself flying. On his way back to their new rental place he decided to pay the ocean a visit. The sound of waves rolling on beaches would do him good.

Half an hour later he opened his door, pushed his chair back and closed his eyes. For a moment he let himself think he was on the island again. The simple, happy life that had been. Well, maybe not simple. But his options had been limited and that had made things easy in a way. Now, when he thought about the future, he found himself faced with a million possibilities and it made him restless. One in particular had been eating at him ever since he got off the island.

_OK. Time to do this buddy._

He'd inserted Cassidy's number into his phone weeks ago, not trusting himself to hold onto the little folded piece of paper that had been sitting in his wallet. He grabbed his phone out of the glove compartment, checked his contacts list, and dialed.

When she picked up after what seemed like an eternity he briefly panicked.

"Who's this?" he heard her ask.

"Cassidy?"

Silence on the other end of the line.

"Cass?"

"Hello Sawyer."

Their conversation was short and stiff. They exchanged civilities for a minute or two.

_("Kate told me you're getting married?"_

"_Yeah"_

"_Lucky lady"_

"_Yeah, well…"_

"_You just missed her, you know."_

"_Clementine?" _

"_Kate." _

"_Kate's staying with ya?" _

"_She was. She's in Sydney now, with Claire." _

"_Claire's back?" _

"_Apparently." _

"_That's good. For Kate, I mean."_

"_What do you want Sawyer?")_.

But in the end he got what he'd hoped for, a shot at getting to know his daughter.

"If you intend to chicken out or disappear on her you might as well not come."

"I won't."

"Just the one visit. Then we'll see. And leave your fiancé at home."

* * *

_Albuquerque – Miami, May 2008_

Sawyer met his daughter on a rainy Friday afternoon in May. Clementine had her mother's nose and chin, but his eyes, his dimples. Everything else was simply her own. Her hair was long and sandy colored, tied together in a braid on her back. Her worn off jeans and simple purple sweater showed him she wasn't a girly girl. But then again, neither was her mother. She shook his hand firm and steady, but he could tell she was nervous by the slight blush on her cheeks _(that makes two of us, kiddo)_.

She stayed close to her mum throughout the visit, though her curious eyes never left James, shamelessly examining him, taking him in. The combination of shyness and attitude took his breath away.

After diner, as he was getting ready to leave, she walked over to him and tapped on his hand.

"You're coming to see me again, right?" She tilted her head just so she could look at him and he was enchanted for a second. His own eyes were staring right back at him.

"You want me to?"

Clementine shrugged her shoulders. "If you want."

"Then I'll come again." He glanced over at Cassidy standing a few feet away. But she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were on her daughter.

Clementine's arms circled his waist to hug him, just briefly, and then she ran off to play in the back yard.

On the flight back to Miami he couldn't think of anything but his daughter's eyes. He felt so much heavier with the weight of potential fatherhood on his shoulders. But at the same time he felt so much lighter. As if another piece of 'Sawyer' had just crumbled away.

* * *

Two weeks later they found themselves in their usual evening setting, reading on the couch, while taking the occasional sip of beer (from a bottle this time, so much better). He couldn't focus on his book though and instead kept glancing over at Juliet. Imagining what it could be like, with her. What it would _look_ like.

She caught him staring. "What?"

"Nothin'."

She cocked an eyebrow at him but he just shook his head and returned to his book.

In bed that night they moved slowly. He pressed his nose against her skin, tracing a line from her earlobe to her collarbone with his tongue, kissing her breasts, his hand moving down her side toward her thigh and back up again. She sighed and he paused for a second to look at her. She had her eyes closed and her forehead was furrowed in that familiar way that gave away her pleasure.

They could do this. Could they?

He kissed his way back up until he was able to cup one side of her face with his hand.

"Juliet."

Her eyes opened.

Nerves kicked in at the sight of those blue eyes but he forced himself to say it. "I wanna have a baby."

Another frown, one of surprise this time. "What?" she asked with a hint of disbelief in her voice.

"I want us to have a baby."

She moved from under him and rolled onto her side, her eyes turning all serious. "Is this because of Clementine?"

"No. Well yeah. Maybe."

"That's not a very clear answer."

He pressed his left elbow in his pillow and rested his head in his hand. "I guess, ya know, Clementine's great. I think we could get along, I could make her like me. And maybe she'll call me daddy one day. I don't know."

His right hand moved to Juliet's shoulder and he curled a stray of blonde hair between his fingers.

"She's beautiful. And she looks like me. But the thing is, she ain't yours. And it got me thinkin' what our kid would look like."

"Last month you almost panicked just thinking about it."

"I know."

Juliet turned onto her stomach to lean onto her elbows. She started doing that thing again, playing with her ring. And it made him nervous, again. As if she could take it off at any moment.

"Raising a kid is a huge responsibility James" she whispered.

"That's ok with me."

"Shouldn't you focus on your daughter first?"

"No. Yes. I mean, I can do both. Right?" Damnit, he didn't mean to sound hesitant. He smiled at her to ease away any doubt. But her face was already full of it. Whether it was about his intentions or her own feelings he couldn't tell.

"Don't you want this Jules?"

She lifted her eyes from the ring and looked at him. "I do. I do want this." No hesitation in that answer.

He exhaled.

"Let's just…" she continued. "Can we take some time to get used to the idea? Together?"

"You got it Blondie."

* * *

_Miami, July 2008_

Juliet woke up to the best possible scenario. Warm lips pressing gently against her shoulder blade and fingers lacing with her own in front of her chest.

"Mornin'" James mumbled against her neck.

"Hmmmm." She pressed back against his body in a way that she knew would get to him.

He sighed deeply. "Time to get up Blondie."

"Huh? No." If he wasn't in the mood at least she could sleep a little longer. "Just a few more minutes…"

He tried to untangle his hand from hers but she wouldn't let go. She could hear him chuckle. "Your sister's goin' to be here in thirty."

"Ugh." She let go of him reluctantly. Why was Rachel stopping by so ridiculously early?

Then it dawned on her. This was her wedding day. She rolled over to look at James, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Let's do this sweetheart."

* * *

She bumped into Miles on her way to the bathroom. He was already dressed, his hair still damp from a shower.

"Late for your own wedding day. Classy."

"Good morning to you too Miles" she answered while quickly tying her hair together with a rubber band.

He smiled his typical annoying yet heartwarming Miles smile and she reminded herself to sit him down later that day and force a decision out of him. But he'd only arrived yesterday and spent most of his time with James (Rachel had made her try out different hair styles all afternoon, untill she finally decided to just leave it the way it usually was, down. Nothing fancy). So maybe Miles already told James he'd be moving out here and James had just forgotten to let her in on that, cause, well, they had other things on their minds last night.

_Great Juliet. Walking down the aisle with a lack of sleep and sore muscles._

"Already made coffee" Miles called after her as she entered the bathroom.

"I love you Miles."

* * *

Coffee helped. And by the time she was back in Rachel's guest room, looking at herself in the mirror, wedding bliss had come over her. With Ed she didn't have a white dress. It had been mostly a formality, not a celebration, though at the time she'd completely not been aware of that.

But this dress was white, or ivory to be precise. Simple and elegant (a man's opinion, Adam's to be exact), A-line, all the way to the ground, small straps over her shoulders. She looked back at Rachel who seemed almost ready to cry and smiled. "It's still nice, huh?"

"Jules, it's gorgeous. Honestly. You look beautiful."

* * *

The ceremony took place just outside of Miami, close to the beach. Jin and Sun were there with Ji Yeon. Sun was already starting to show and as Juliet was getting ready she came knocking on her door, holding a picture of a recent ultrasound in her hand.

Rachel, Adam and Julian were there. As well as Miles, and Clementine. Cassidy had been reluctant to the idea but when James offered them both a week by the ocean at his expense, she gave in. She'd dropped her daughter off in the morning and would pick her up right after dinner.

James was wearing a suit, making him look insanely handsome. As he walked over to Juliet the feeling hit her that everything had been worth it. Every damn thing that had happened to her had been worth it. Because it had taken her here, to him, to this moment.

They had decided to walk down the aisle together, much to Rachel's protest. But moments before the start of the ceremony James changed his mind.

"I just wanna see you walkin' toward me Blondie."

"I thought we decided against that?"

"Humor me will ya. I'm only gonna do this once" James answered, and she felt the butterflies in her stomach do another flip.

"He's just a softie" Miles commented from behind and Juliet turned to look at him.

"You're both softies" she smirked, well aware that Miles was not unmoved by this day as well.

Saying their vows was easy and swift, the only interruption being Rachel who had to come to Juliet's rescue with paper tissues. Miles hadn't lost their wedding bands. He fished them out of the inner pocket of his jacket and handed them to his friend on cue. "Here you go LaFleur" he whispered, getting two smiles in response.

James fingers trembled as he placed her ring on her finger, just like he had that other time, on a boat in the Pacific. Juliet was no better at it and he had to help her, the Florida heat having caused his fingers to swell just slightly. But they managed, leaving him with nothing else to do than kiss her. And so he did.

**THE END (now just imagine them having babies, Miles moving to Florida, Jin and Sun having a baby boy, Claire moving to LA with Aaron, and everyone living happily ever after!)**


End file.
